That '70s Show

Season 3 Episode 19

Eric's Naughty No-No

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Mar 27, 2001 on FOX

Episode Recap

In a movie theater, the guys sit watching an X-rated movie; Fez comments that this is his first. Kelso tells Hyde that he feels guilty because Jackie just took him back and the first thing that he does is go to a nudie movie. He's briefly impressed by the movie, but then decides that he has to leave. Eric, watching the action on the screen, is also impressed. He asks the guys if everybody does that, because he only has 2 or 3 moves that he always uses, and he's never done the move that the actors on the screen are doing. Fez tells him that even he would have used ~that~ move, if he'd ever done anything. [Opening credits.] [Scene change: Kelso, with Jackie in his arms.] In the Forman basement, Kelso confesses to Jackie that he went to a stag film, and that she should punish him. Jackie says that by telling her, he's being honest and so should be rewarded. Kelso asks if the reward will be cash; she says no, the reward is that he can feel better about himself. In the Forman kitchen, Kitty is cooking; Red comes in and asks what she's making. As she reels off the menu for that night's dinner, she throws in the fact that her sister is coming to visit in the middle of the list. Red says that he doesn't want her sister, Paula, to visit, and that they haven't seen her in 6 years, since she was arrested, then adds that she'll probably ask for money again. There's the honk of a car horn from the driveway; Red and Kitty go out to the driveway and watch as a bright pink Cadillac drives in. Paula [played by Valerie Harper, of both The Mary Tyler Moore Show and Rhoda] steps out of the car, dressed completely in the same shade of pink as her car. She hugs both Kitty and Red, and when Red asks about the pink car, she tells them that only the top salespeople for Kathy May get them. She then pulls a roll of money out of her handbag, and gives it to Kitty, telling her that it's all the money that she owes them. Kitty hands it to Red, who begins to count it. Kitty tells him to stop, and then continues talking to Paula; Red turns away from them and continues to count the money. In the Forman basement, in the circle, Kelso tells the guys how great it is to be honest with Jackie about everything. Eric is paranoid about the men that he saw in the X-rated movie, wondering if they're "average" or not; Hyde laughs at him, telling him that you don't go into that line of work if you're just "average." Fez says that the men in the movie ~were~ average....or even puny. Kelso decides that he's going to tell Jackie the truth about everything, always; Hyde agrees that this is a great idea, and suggests that Kelso should make a list of every lie he's ever told to Jackie. Eric continues to be paranoid, comparing himself to the men in the movie, and wondering about all the different moves that the men were using, commenting that he has only 2 or 3 moves that he always uses. Kitty calls Eric to come upstairs for dinner. In the Forman kitchen, Eric is shoving bread into his mouth, bit by bit; he compliments his Aunt Paula and she gives him $20.00. Kitty asks about Paula's love life and when she begins to tell them about her boyfriend, Red asks if she didn't used to have a fiance? Paula tells them that she did, but he lived on a commune where everyone called him "God", and he had lots of guns....and some really great parties. She tells them that she's much happier now, living in Indianapolis. She tells them about dropping the flag at the Indy 500, which impresses Red. Paula then asks Kitty what's new with her; Kitty starts to answer that she's been very busy, but Eric interrupts her, saying that Kitty quit her job, her life is boring, and that he wants to hear more about the Indy 500. [Scene change: Eric jumping and doing karate moves.] In Red and Kitty's bedroom, Kitty, in bed, is looking through her old high school yearbook. She comments to Red that she was popular and successful then, and Paula wasn't. She says that things were certainly different back then, and the scene goes to a flashback: Kitty is at a high school dance; Paula comes over to talk to her and spills her cup of punch on herself, staining her dress. Everyone is complimenting Kitty; a boy she likes comes over and Kitty introduces him to Paula, who then turns and tries to introduce ~her~ boyfriend, but he's kissing another girl. Kitty says that now, she's a housewife while Paula goes on cruises; Red tells Kitty that she shouldn't be upset and "more successful doesn't mean more happy." Kitty is appalled that Red's suggesting that Paula is more successful than she is; Red tries to recover from this slip, but can't think of anything to say other than, "Look! Money!" In Eric's bedroom, Eric and Donna are in bed together, making out. Eric nibbles on Donna's earlobe and she tells him that she likes that. Eric pulls the covers up over the two of them, and the camera pans up to a close-up of the G.I. Joe above Eric's bed, so we can only hear what's happening, but it's clear that Eric is trying the move that he saw in the movie. Donna starts yelling at him, asking him what he thinks he's doing, then gets up and leaves. Eric calls after her, "But wait! I have a feather!" [Scene change: Eric playing air-guitar, Fez dancing.] On the Forman back porch, Donna and Jackie are talking. Donna whispers in Jackie's ear, telling her what Eric did while they were in bed, and Jackie is shocked. Donna is also disgusted, asking, "In what universe is ~that~ sexy?" She comments that it's really strange, because Eric only has 2 or 3 moves that he always uses, and Jackie points out that Eric probably learned this new move at the nudie movie that the guys went to yesterday. Donna was unaware of this, and wonders why Eric would go to a movie like that, and if maybe it's because he finds their sex life boring. Jackie tells her that of course their sex life is boring. In the Forman kitchen, Paula is baking. Kitty comes in and asks what she's doing; Paula tells her that she's making her strudel for the boys, and that it's nice to have someone to cook for. Kitty asks if Paula is lonely living alone, but Paula says no, she likes her privacy. She then asks Kitty is something is wrong and Kitty asks her why she's there. Paula tells Kitty that she just wanted to visit because she missed her, but Kitty doesn't believe her. The two of them end up arguing, with Kitty telling Paula that she only came to visit so that she could rub her success in Kitty's face, and Paula admits that this is true. Kitty is upset, and says that it must have been difficult for her, living in Kitty's shadow for all those years, and they both start yelling at each other, then start laughing, and hug each other. Kitty admits that she knows that she should be happy for Paula, not jealous. Paula asks Kitty if she wants a make-over, and Kitty says yes, then asks if she's going to end up looking like a whore. In the Forman basement, Kelso tells Jackie that he hasn't been honest and he wants to tell her the truth; she asks why Hyde and Fez are there and Kelso tells her that Hyde told him that it's not honesty unless your friends are there to hear it. He starts reading his list to her, and we see clips from it, starting with him admitting that in his kindergarten picture he wasn't wearing puffy pants, it was actually a big-boy diaper. Cut to Kelso admitting that that one time that Jackie got out of the shower and thought she saw a flash, it was him, taking a picture of her. Cut to Kelso telling her that one time when they were about to make out and she'd asked him if he'd washed his hands and he'd said yes, but that was a lie, and he'd actually been playing with dogs just before seeing her. Jackie stops him, and tells him that they need to work on ~selective~ honesty. Fez points out that Kelso also needs to work on basic hygiene. Jackie adds that unless it involves Kelso kissing another girl, she doesn't need to know. In the Forman driveway, Red stands looking at Paula's car. Kitty comes out, her hair done, and new make-up on, and perches on the rear of the car, striking a pose. Red tells her that he's got 20 minutes until his wife gets home, and they kiss. Paula comes out with her bags, hugs both Red and Kitty, and as she gets into her car, reminds Kitty "Cherchez la vie pour vivre la vie!" As she pulls out of the driveway, Red asks Kitty what that means, and Kitty tells him that it's her new philosophy - search for life to live life. Red is skeptical about this, but accepts it, telling her, "Just don't paint my car pink." [Scene change: Eric dancing.} In Eric's bedroom, Eric is examining his nose in the mirror; Donna comes in and closes the door, then asks him where he got the idea for the move that he used in bed. He reluctantly admits that he and the guys went to "an art film", then admits that it was actually an X-rated movie. He tells her that he thought that she'd like it, because the people in the movie were all doing it, and they all seemed to like it a lot. Donna tells him that he shouldn't do something like that without asking, then asks him if he's bored with their sex-life. He says no, but he thought that she might be bored, and since it was their 100th time, he wanted it to be special. Donna tells him that the next time he wants to try something different, he should give her some warning so that she can brace herself, or tell him to back off. She adds that no matter how much she loves him, what he did was unpleasant. [End credits: In the Forman driveway, Kelso is standing in front of about 10 dogs, telling them that he has to go meet Jackie. He turns to go into the house, but then turns back, telling the dogs that they can have 5 more minutes, and starts to play with them, getting down on the ground and rolling around with them.] Of note in this episode: Kitty was voted "Most Likely To Succeed,"and had the "Best Laugh" in high school. She was also Head Cheerleader.