Beauty Pageant Contestant
Special Guest Star
This is the one-year anniversary of Eric and Donna's first kiss, which dates this episode one year from the pilot, That '70s Pilot.
Laurie: So, Kelso tells me Hyde tried to steal Donna last year. Is that true?
Eric: No. I mean, well... he tried but he didn't succeed.
The music used in this episode was:
Jackie Blue (1974) by Ozark Mountain Daredevils.
Jackie: Michael is gonna be my pageant boy!
Hyde: Pageant boy!
Kelso: Jackie, I am not a pageant boy, I'm a beauty coach!
Hyde: Yeah, that's a lot better, Kelso.
Kelso: Hey! Jackie, let's get to work!
Jackie: Well, Michael, we've already done a lot. I mean, I decided on this dress, and Fez is gonna do my hair.
Kelso: All right, but I-I'm gonna tell you something, Jackie. I've seen pictures of his people, and they aren't pretty.
Fez: Bite me, pageant boy.
Fez: So, Eric, which rat bastard…do you think stole your money?
Eric: Well, I mean, it's anyone's guess. For all I know, I mean, it could be
someone in this very room!
Fez: Whoa-ho-ho! How exciting. A mystery. Is Fez a suspect?
Eric: Yeah, probably not, Fez.
Fez: Why not? I can be evil! I hate you. See? (long pause) Oh, Eric, I don't hate you, I love you, I'm sorry!
(asking Jackie what she'll accomplish as Miss Dairy Princess)
Kelso: Burn! You just lost, lady!
Jackie: Well, Michael, I was thinking!
Kelso: Oh, really? Well, in 1974, Miss Alabama started thinking. Do you know where she is now? Alabama.
Donna: So Jackie, does the winner get a scholarship or something?
Kelso: Psst, who cares? College is for ugly girls who can't get modeling contracts.
Donna: No, college is for women who don't wanna marry the first idiot they meet, and squeeze out his bastard moron children.
Jackie: Oh my god, you guys! Guess who's gonna be in the Miss Dairy Princess Pageant?
Fez: Oh, I know! A cow?
Eric: So, guys. Tomorrow is the anniversary of Donna's and my first kiss. And, just for that I'm gonna give her something really special.
Fez: You've been trying to give her that for a year, and so far...
Eric: Oh, hey, here comes a dumb question. Uh, I wasn't a mistake, was I?
Kitty: Oh, for... for... Okay! Who wants some cocoa?
Kelso: Hey, you know what a funny word is? Pickle-Weasel!
Marguerite Derricks received credit as Choreographer in the credits for this episode.
Eric: This is the best water heater ever! God bless us, every one.
Red: You know why Tiny Tim walked with a crutch?
Eric: 'Cause he had a smart mouth?
Red: That's right.
Eric's line, "God bless us, every one!" is the famous last line, spoken by Tiny Tim, in the novel by Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol, written in 1843. Tiny Tim walked with a crutch, but was always optimistic in the face of hardships.
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