In the Forman basement, Eric, Hyde and Fez move a new water heater into place while Red watches, then leaves once it's done. Eric tells the guys that it's the anniversary of his first kiss with Donna and says that he wants to get her something really special; Fez says that Eric has been trying to give Donna something really special for a year now, and he's had no luck. Hyde tells him to get her some flowers, and she'll just be happy that he remembered. Eric shows them a picture in a catalogue of the necklace that he plans to buy for her; they ask if it's real gold (no) and real diamonds (no); Eric tells them that it costs $60 and they're impressed. He stands up and tells them to cover their eyes while he gets his secret stash of money; they both ask if he means the money that he keeps hidden in the Candyland game. He's surprised that they know; he gets the box, but it's empty; the money is gone. Fez wonders how something so bad could happen in such a happy place?
[Scene change: Donna boogies to music.]
In the Forman basement, Hyde and Fez are watching TV; Donna comes in and asks what's going on, Fez tells her that he just lost $5 on the Ali fight; Donna tells him that it was a rerun, then takes the money from Hyde and gives it back to Fez. She asks where Eric is; Hyde tells her that he and Fez are playing Candyland while Eric searches for his stash of money. She asks if they mean the money that he kept hidden in the Candyland game; Jackie comes in and tells them that she's going to be in the Miss Dairyland Princess Pageant. Donna asks why she would want to parade around like a piece of meat; Jackie tells them that Kelso is going to be her "Pageant-Boy," and when everyone laughs at him, Kelso changes that to "Beauty Coach." Jackie asks if Donna wants to see her gown, and Fez says that he'll go with them. Hyde and Kelso laugh at him; after they've gone, Hyde asks Kelso why he's doing this, and Kelso says that when Jackie wins, he'll be the guy with the hottest chick in Wisconsin, and he imagines... at the Miss Dairyland Pageant, Bob Eubanks is announcing the winner is... Kelso's girlfriend! All the other contestants run over to Kelso and hug him. Kelso makes his acceptance speech, saying that as Mr. Dairy Princess, he plans to give milk products to all in need, and all the girls hug him...
Kelso tells Hyde that he has to go win the contest, and leaves for Jackie's place.
In the Forman kitchen, Eric asks Laurie where his money is; she asks what money, and he tells her that he means the money that she stole from his... special place. She knows that he means the Candyland game, which he takes as evidence that she ~did~ steal it. Laurie tells him that he was a mistake, then says that if she were going to steal it, she'd do it to his face and then tell him about it; she says that it's obvious who stole it: a person with no morals, a lack of character and a bad reputation. Eric thinks about this and then says that ~she~ fits that description, but Laurie means Hyde. Eric tells her that Hyde wouldn't do that; Laurie reminds him that Hyde tried to steal Donna last year. Eric starts to leave the kitchen, then asks if he was really a mistake; Laurie tells him that Red and Kitty sued the condom company.
In Jackie's bedroom, she shows her dress to Fez and Donna; Fez immediately begins making suggestions, starting with shortening her dress. Kelso comes in and says he's ready to start; Jackie tells him that they've already done a lot, and tells him that Fez is going to be doing her hair. Kelso says that Fez can use the help, and tells Fez that he should take care of Jackie's body, while he takes care of her mind. Donna asks if there's a college scholarship as part of the prize; Kelso says that college is for ugly people who can't get modelling contracts, but Donna disagrees and says that college is for people who don't want to marry the first idiot that they meet and have their moron children.
In the Forman living room, Eric asks Kitty about the money and is shocked when she tells him that she knew about his hiding place; she tells him that everyone knew, but then assures him that it was a good hiding place. She suggests that maybe he put it in the Shoots & Ladders game instead, but he's already looked there. He tells her that he thought that maybe Laurie stole it, but Kitty says no, Laurie steals from her, not Eric. Eric tells her that that only leaves one person; Kitty tells him that Hyde is a good person and wouldn't do that, and that Eric can trust him. Eric wonders if it wasn't Hyde then who was it; Kitty suggests that it could have been... then asks if he wants some cocoa.
[Scene change: Kelso falls away from the camera; Jackie jumps in the air.]
In Jackie's bedroom, Kelso gives Jackie questions for the pageant: what does she hope to accomplish? He tells her she has 30 seconds; she thinks, but can't come up with anything and Kelso tells her that she just lost the pageant. She tells him that that's not fair, and he says that in 1974, Miss Alabama started thinking and now she's in Alabama. Jackie says that she just wants to win so that she can lord it over everyone and Kelso says that's what he wants too. He moves on to the next category: talent. Jackie says that she can sing; Kelso tells her that she can't.
In the Forman basement, in the circle, Eric tells the guys that someone stole his money, so now he has to get Donna a crappy gift. Kelso asks them if they'd rather see Jackie walk a tight-rope or ride a mechanical bull? Hyde says that either way, Jackie would fall on her ass, so either one is good. Fez wonders who stole the money, and Eric says that it might be someone in the room right now; Fez asks if he's a suspect and when Eric says no, Fez wants to know why not, saying that he can be evil. Eric says that he's pretty sure that it wasn't Kelso either, and Hyde asks who Eric thinks it was if it wasn't Fez or Kelso, and calls Eric a dillhole. Kelso says that "Pickleweasle" is a funny word. Hyde tells Eric to say that he doesn't think Hyde took it; Eric tells Hyde to say that he didn't take it. Hyde points out that he shouldn't have to say that; Eric says that if Hyde says it, then he'll trust him. Hyde tells Eric to go to hell; Kelso comes up with the great idea that Jackie can clog-dance for the talent portion of the pageant.
[Scene change: Jackie boogies to music.]
In Kelso's van, Kelso, Jackie, and Fez are heading for the beauty pageant, when the van runs out of gas. Jackie can't believe that he didn't put gas in the van and calls him an idiot, then tells him that he's ruined her life. He asks her what about his life, and tells her that they're a team, and there is no you in teamwork. He leaves to get some gas; Jackie starts crying and Fez hugs her.
At the Vista Cruiser, on roadside, Eric gives Donna flowers for their anniversary; she says that they're beautiful, then gives him a present. He opens it and is impressed to see that she's bought him a cool digital watch, and had it engraved. He tells her that he loves it, and comments that she spent a lot of money on it; she agrees that she did, and says that he'd better start putting out now. Eric doesn't laugh; he tells her that he was going to get her a really nice necklace; Donna tells him that she heard about the crime spree in Candyland. Eric shows her the picture of the necklace from the catalogue; Donna says that it's beautiful and adds that if he saves his money, maybe he can get it for her for Christmas. She kisses him, then says that maybe if she returns the watch, she can buy the necklace for herself; they begin to play-wrestle.
In Kelso's van, Jackie tells Fez that maybe Kelso is right, and she doesn't have what it takes to win the pageant alone. Fez tells her that Kelso is wrong, and she's pretty, nice and talented, and everything in the whole world is her. Jackie starts to say that Kelso says, but Fez cuts her off and asks who cares? He tells her that Kelso was just using her to become popular. Kelso comes back with a can of gas, and tells Jackie that he's had time to think, and he's disappointed, but he's willing to talk about it. Jackie tells him that she's been talking to Fez, and she has only one thing to say to him: that she loves him. She tells Kelso that he must have really believed in her if he thought that he could ride her coat-tails to the top; they hug, squishing Fez between them, and start to kiss. Fez pushes them away, saying that they make him sick.
In the Forman basement, Hyde sees Red putting money into the Candyland game; Red says that he borrowed it to pay for the new water heater, and Eric never even knew it was gone; he goes out, and Eric comes in. He tells Hyde that the money doesn't matter; Hyde is still angry, saying that Eric called him a thief; he then tells Eric that Red took the money, but Eric can't believe this. Hyde tells him to ask Red, who has just walked back in to the basement. Eric asks Red if he took the money; Red says yes. Eric is shocked that Red would steal from him; Red points out that he took the money but he also feeds and clothes Eric and puts a roof over his head. Eric admits that he accused Hyde of stealing it; Red asks how he could do that, pointing out that Hyde is his best friend. Eric tells Red that Hyde made a move on Donna; Red says that there's only one way to solve things: have a bare-knuckle boxing match. Eric and Hyde don't want to do that; Red tells them that if they're not angry enough to bare-knuckle box, then they're not really angry, and they should just get over it. He leaves; Eric tells Hyde that Red's simple, earthy wisdom has saved the day. Hyde tells Eric that he has to forgive him for what happened with Donna last year and that he can't keep holding it over his head. Eric agrees; they shake hands and Hyde notices Eric's new watch and tells Eric that he's a loser for only getting Donna crappy flowers.
[End credits: At the beauty pageant, Jackie is doing a clog-dance for the talent portion of the show. She's dressed in a 'Swiss Miss' outfit, and as she dances, Kelso watches and shouts, "Dance, baby, dance!"]