In the Forman basement, the gang watches Gilligan's Island
on TV; Fez comes in and asks what the hell is going on, and Randy starts explaining the show to him, but what Fez wants to know is why Randy is sitting in his chair. Donna reminds him that there's no reserving chairs, but Randy tells him that he can have the seat. Jackie asks Fez why he's picking on Randy; Fez explains that he doesn't like people who aren't from here. Randy suggests that instead of hanging out in the basement, they should go out and have some fun, and suggests that they go out for burgers at Fatso Burger, but no one really seems interested until he says that he's buying.
At Fatso Burger, Hyde burps in thanks. Fez tells Randy that just because he ate three burgers, it doesn't mean that he likes Randy. Jackie comments on the disgusting clown, and says that it's freaking her out. Donna says that he's not disgusting, he's just the friendly neighborhood clown... who wants to kill Jackie. The manager, Mr. Visotsky comes over and yells at them that they're only allowed to have one ketchup per table, takes the extra bottles off the table and leaves. Fez says that he hates Mr. Visotsky, because he's always acting like he owns the place or something; Donna points out that he does
own the place. Hyde tells them that Mr. Visotsky is just a local small businessman, then says, "Let's ruin him!" Fez suggests that they could throw pickles at the windows, but Randy has a better idea: stealing Fatso the Clown. Donna and Hyde like the idea, but Fez still wants to do the pickle attack. He throws a pickle, but hits Donna on the head with it, then agrees that they should steal the clown.
[Scene change: Jackie's face in a close up shot.]
In the Forman garage, the gang is gathering the tools they'll need to steal the clown; Donna says being bad is exciting, and adds that her palms are sweaty, and that when she was with Eric, the only time that her palms were sweaty was when she was holding his sweaty hand. Jackie says again that she doesn't like the clown, and explains that at her seventh birthday party, a clown squirted her with water and then offered her his handkerchief, and when she pulled it out of his pocket, it just kept coming and coming... Donna asks if that's the only reason, and Jackie adds that afterwards, she walked in on the clown making out with her mom. Jackie runs out of the garage; Randy says that he has the tools he needs to steal the clown; Donna wants to take an axe for the job, but Hyde won't let her. Fez points out that they're going to need a get-away car; Randy suggests that they take the Vista Cruiser, but Red has the keys to it. Donna says that she'll just hot-wire the car, but Randy says that he'll just ask Red for the keys. Hyde tells him that he might as well ask for Red's foot in his ass as well; Fez says that he'll ask Red for the car, since Red likes him because he used to have sex with Red's daughter.
[Scene change: Fez jumping up towards the camera.]
In the Forman living room, Fez and Randy come in; Fez asks to borrow the car and Red tells them to get out. Randy asks if he can borrow the car, and Red comments to Kitty that he doesn't see anything in the paper about hell freezing over. Randy then tells him that he needs the car because he wants to build a wheelchair ramp for his grandmother, and needs the car to get the lumber. Kitty wants Red to help, so Red gives Randy the car keys, and tells him to fill the tank and have it back by tomorrow. As they leave, Fez tells Randy that the story was a load of crap, but Randy says that his grandmother really is in a wheelchair.
[Scene change: Fez and Randy boogie to music.]
At Fatso Burger, at night, Donna, Hyde and Fez act as look-outs while Randy works on the clown. Donna thinks that this is a cool thing, and she could go to jail for it. They see a car coming and scatter; Fez hides behind the clown. It's Bob in his car; he pulls up to the clown and places his order, and Fez, from behind the clown, pretends to be an employee, taking his order and offering a large soda for ten cents more, and suggesting apple pie, and free onion rings. After repeating the order back to Bob, Fez tells him that they're closed, and tells him to drive away. They get into an argument; Fez tells him to go order pizza, but Bob says he had that for lunch. Bob eventually leaves; the others come out of hiding. Hyde thinks it's awesome that Bob got into an argument with a ceramic clown; Donna points out that it's not the first time that he's done that. Donna's excited about stealing the clown, and wants to steal a car next, or a kid. Hyde tells her that stealing a kid is kidnapping; Donna then suggests a dog, just as long as it's something alive.
[Scene change: Donna struts towards the camera.]
In the Forman basement, Randy hands out beer to everyone, including the clown; Hyde suggests drawing boobs on it. Jackie comes in and screams when she sees the clown, and wants to know what it's doing there. Donna tells her that they stole it, and then wonders what they're going to do now; Hyde says that they should do what they always do with a stolen clown...
In the Forman basement, in the circle, Hyde comments that this is what they always do with a stolen clown, in fact, it's what they always do; it always comes back to this. Randy asks what they can do for Fatso now that he's free, then hides behind the clown, and says in a fake voice that he wants a hooker. Fez doesn't think Randy's act is funny, then says that it is; Donna and Jackie stare at the clown, Jackie says that the clown is staring at her. Donna tells her that the clown is staring because he loves her, and wants to marry her, and kill her.
[Scene change: Jackie struts towards the camera.]
In the Forman kitchen, Bob comes in and tells Red and Kitty that Fatso the Clown was stolen; Kitty comments that he was a Wisconsin landmark. Bob feels guilty because he was the last one to talk to him, and adds that they had a fight. Red says that the clown was just a speaker with a face, but Kitty says that he was part of their history. Bob agrees, saying that he knocked up Midge in the parking lot at Fatso Burger; Kitty points out that she and Red used to go there and dream of their future. Red comments that he thought they were just eating burgers, and that's always the way it is with women; they're always doing something else.
[Scene change: Hyde peers at the camera.]
In the Forman basement, Randy plays rock, paper, scissors with Fatso and wins; Fez plays and ties, and Hyde makes fun of him. Donna comes in and turns on the TV, telling them that they have to watch. Bob is on the news being interviewed, saying that the whole town upset about Fatso being stolen. Kitty and Mr. Visotsky are with him; Kitty takes the microphone and tells the thieves that they should be ashamed of themselves, and that they will be found. Randy, using the fake Fatso the Clown voice says that they're in deep... and honks a horn. Fez says that Randy's act isn't funny, then says that it is.
[Scene change: Jackie jumps up and blows kisses at the camera.]
In the Forman basement, Jackie says that they shouldn't have stolen clown, they should have just done what her father did: hire some guys to torch the place. Randy comments that the whole town is upset, and even his grandmother wheeled down to Fatso Burger in support. Donna decides that they have to get rid of the body, and they need a hacksaw, some garbage bags and a bathtub full of acid. Hyde tells them that this is serious, and that for a crime like this, the cops will line them up and shoot them with a gun that pops out a flag that says "Bang!" Red comes in; they try to cover the clown up, but he sees it. Fez immediately blames Randy; Red tells him, "Nice going!" adding that he's always hated the clown since it's always smiling. Hyde points out that they thought he'd be mad; Red wants to know why they'd think that, and Hyde tells him it's because of every other experience that they've had with him. Red points out that Kitty is very upset, and tells them to help him toss the clown in the dumpster. They try to pick it up and the head falls off; Jackie screams as the head rolls into her lap, and Kitty yells downstairs, wanting to know what's going on? They rush to hide the clown, putting the body in the shower, and Jackie grabs the head and puts it in the freezer, then they all take their places, standing around looking very guilty as Kitty comes downstairs. Donna tells her that they were watching The Boy In The Plastic Bubble
and someone got too close to the bubble with a pair of scissors. Kitty says that she's so upset about the clown being stolen that she needs to make some comfort food to make herself feel better. She wants to make a casserole and needs some frozen peas for that; as she opens the freezer door, they all scream "NO!" and Kitty turns without looking in the freezer. She asks what's wrong; Hyde suggests that fresh peas would be better; Kitty pulls the bag of peas out without looking and says that it's not a holiday, then starts to walk upstairs. She turns back and comments that she forgot the corn, opens the freezer door and screams when she sees the head.
[Scene change: Kitty waves at the camera.]
In the Forman basement, Kitty can't believe that they did this, telling them that the clown means something to people, and then points out that Red is very upset about it. Red fakes being upset; Hyde explains that there's nothing to do in Point Place. Kitty tells them that she's very disappointed in them, after all she's done for them, then lists all the things she's done: cooked for them, and housed them, and made them hot chocolate... Randy is shocked at the gang, agreeing with Kitty that they should be ashamed of themselves after all she's done, and calls them all jerks. Kitty tells them to glue the clown back together and put it back where it belongs. Red, still pretending to be angry, says, "Yes... if you don't... furious... foot in asses!" He and Kitty go upstairs; Fez comments that he's never seen Red so angry.
[Scene change: Jackie twirls around and looks up at the camera.]
In the car, the gang takes the clown back to Fatso Burger. Donna says she can't believe that they're taking it back, and that they should have smashed it to bits and mixed it into the burgers and force-fed it to Mr. Visotsky. Hyde tells them that there's a cop behind them, and that they have to hide the clown, and tells Fez to kiss it so that it will look like he's making out with it, and the cop won't notice it. Fez doesn't want to, but does, and then realizes that someone put their old gum in the clown's mouth. Hyde laughs and says that he put the gum there, and there was no cop behind them, so Fez just kissed a clown. Fez comments that he got to third base; Donna points out that there's nothing on the clown below the waist, but Fez insists that he felt something.
[Scene change: Fez, Randy and Hyde dance on screen.]
At Fatso Burger, Donna comments that she always thought that it was stupid of criminals to return to the scene of the crime, but now she understands it; it's a rush. Jackie stares at the clown and says that he's not scary any more. Donna comes up behind her and tells her that the clown wants to kill her; Jackie runs off screaming. Hyde comments that everything is back the way that it started, and that it was all a waste of time, then asks Fez if the clown is secure. Fez says yes, he used the rhyme "Righty-loosy; lefty-tighty" to help him put the bolts back on; he slaps the back of the clown's head, and it falls on the ground and smashes. They all stare at it in horror, then run for the car; Donna comes running back and grabs the nose, saying that she's keeping it.
[End credits: In Jackie's bedroom, she's in bed, asleep. She wakes up and finds what looks like blood all over her sheets. She tastes it and comments that it's ketchup. She notices a large lump in the bed and pulls the covers back, revealing the clown head in her bed... then she wakes up, checks the bed; it's fine, there's nothing there. She reaches over for a Kleenex, and as she pulls one out, it comes out as handkerchiefs, knotted together, that won't stop coming... she screams.]