That '70s Show

Season 3 Episode 20

Holy Craps!

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Apr 17, 2001 on FOX

Episode Recap

In the Forman kitchen, Red, Kelso, Hyde and Eric are eating; Kitty asks them if they're enjoying it and they all tell her that it's really good. She tells them that she's glad they like it, then asks tells them that she needs help with a Church fundraiser. They all get up to leave, but Kitty tells them to sit back down; Eric continues to try, telling her that he has a meeting, but she won't let him out of the kitchen. She tells them that she's stuck in a rut and needs to get out of the house more and needs their support. Red tells her that if she needs help, then the boys will help her and of course she has their support. Kitty tells him that she wants him to help as well; Red tries to tell her that he has a meeting, but gives in under her stare. [Opening credits.] [Scene change: a shot from below as Hyde, Fez and Kelso walk across the screen.] In the Forman basement, Caroline is explaining a Bazooka Joe cartoon to Fez, and once he understands, she tells him that she has to go. After she's gone, Jackie says that she's cute and nice; Donna agrees and says that she likes Caroline, but Hyde says that she's a psycho. Donna disagrees, and tells Jackie that the two of them should hang out with Caroline. Eric comes downstairs and starts to tell the guys a funny story, but before he can get to the punchline, Donna finishes it for him. He's upset; Donna apologizes but points out that she's heard the story eight times, but tells him to tell it again anyway. [Scene change: Kelso jumping towards the camera.] In the Church basement, Kitty is handing out assignments to Red and the guys, giving Red the raffle booth, Eric the cakewalk, and Kelso and Hyde the Bingo game. Pastor Dave comes over and tells her that the fundraiser is wonderful; he then tries to be cool and bond with the guys, but fails. At the fundraiser, later on, Eric is running the cakewalk, and looking completely bored. He hasn't lifted the needle off the record, and one of the ladies comes over to complain about this. He stops the record and gives a cake to the man in front of him. Iris, the woman who complained to Eric is now arguing with her husband, Glen, telling him that they'd better win the next cake. Glen comes over to Eric and asks him to let Iris win, telling Eric that she used to be the sweetest, most wonderful girl, then offers Eric some advice: never marry your high school sweetheart. At the Raffle booth, Red sits, looking completely bored. No one is buying tickets. He hears shouting and cheering coming from nearby, and goes over to see what's going on and discovers that it's a craps table. Pastor Dave tells Red that he should play. In the Bingo room, Hyde and Kelso are examining the prizes; Kelso finds a Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots game and decides that he wants to win it. Hyde looks over the other prizes and says that none of them are really appropriate for old people. Then Kelso comes up with a great idea: they should cheat at Bingo so that they win all the prizes. Hyde is impressed. In the Bingo room, Hyde is calling the numbers, while Kelso is seated at the front table, between two old ladies. He's mouthing the number that he needs, which Hyde then calls, and Kelso shouts "Bingo!" Outside the Church, Eric shows Glen a picture of Donna. Glen tells Eric that he was like him, skinny and dating the hottest girl in school; but then, after being married a while, they reached a point where they'd both heard each other's stories, and that's when she stopped being nice and started eating. He tells Eric that it all starts small then suddenly she'll be putting you down in front of your friends. Eric thinks back to Donna telling the end of his funny story in the basement. In the Forman basement, Jackie and Donna are hanging out with Caroline, and having fun. Donna reads Caroline's horoscope -- she's a Gemini, and Donna comments that it's like she's two different people trapped in one body. Caroline angrily tells her never to say that again, or else she'll kill Donna, then starts laughing and says that she's just joking. Jackie asks if Fez is a good kisser, and Donna tells Caroline that the one time that Jackie kissed Fez he did something with his tongue. Caroline starts yelling at them again, telling them that if either one of them ever touches Fez, she'll hunt them down like animals. Donna asks if she's joking again, but Caroline isn't, telling them that she'll scratch their eyes out, then runs out of the basement. Donna and Jackie are shocked. [Scene change: Hyde dancing.] At the fundraiser, Pastor Dave thanks Kitty again and while talking to him, Kitty notices that Red's raffle table is empty. She goes looking for him in the cakewalk room, only to find Eric missing as well. She hears Red's voice coming from the direction of the craps table, and on her way there, sees Hyde and Kelso in the Bingo room, where Kelso is gloating over winning again. Outside the Church, Eric is imagining his life with Donna, once they're married and tired of each other. She's very overweight and he's bald. They're in the Forman kitchen; Donna is smoking and asking where the last donut is. Eric says that he ate it and points out that she ate the other eleven. They argue. At the craps table, Kitty tells Red that she needs to talk to him, and yells at him for leaving the raffle table; Red tells her that he's on a winning streak and it's like God wants him to win. Hyde and Kelso come out of the Bingo room carrying all the prizes and Eric comes in from outside. Kitty asks them how they could leave their posts, and tells them that she can't believe that any of them could even walk into a Church without bursting into flames. She tells them to just forget it, and to go, but to leave their ill-gotten gains behind. They go, and Kelso and Hyde leave all the prizes behind, but Kelso runs back in and grabs the Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, saying that he won them and he's going to keep them. In the Forman kitchen, Red and Eric are sitting at the table; Kitty comes in and they both immediately start apologizing to her, but Kitty tells them that she's not mad; she thought about it on the way home and realized that she shouldn't have made them help her. Red tells her that she should do whatever makes her happy and that they'll support her in whatever that is. They kiss, and Kitty goes upstairs; Eric is impressed that they had a fight, but made up, and tells Red that it fills him with hope. Red comments that he's definitely sending Eric to the army. In the Forman basement, Donna and Jackie tell Fez about Caroline and that he has to break up with her. Fez says that she's scary but not dangerous. Caroline comes in, looking suspiciously at Donna and Jackie, who are seated on either side of Fez on the sofa. As Caroline kisses the top of Fez's head, both Donna and Jackie put a hand on Fez's leg; Caroline grabs their hands and starts screaming at them. Fez breaks up with her; she asks why and then tells him that she's NOT crazy. Fez tells her that he's in love with Donna and asks Donna to back him up. Donna kisses Fez, and when they finish, Caroline tells him that he'll never be as happy as he was with her, and that she'll be watching him, literally. As she storms out the door, she screams, "This isn't over!" Once she's gone, Fez says, "Whew! I'm glad that's over!" [Scene change: lava lamp.] [End credits: In the Forman basement, Kelso and Hyde are playing Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, but Kelso keeps losing, every time more quickly than the last. He decides that the game must be broken, so turns it around, but still loses to Hyde.]