At Bud's apartment, Eric looks around and says that it's the perfect place for a party as it's already trashed; Kelso comes in with a tube and funnel for the drinks so they can chug them. Donna and Jackie both leave, saying that they're disgusted. Bud shows up, sees the keg in the room but says that he's cool with it; they all tell him he's the best dad... Later on, Kelso is putting ice down Fez's pants when there's a knock on the door; it's Kitty, who is there to check up on them, although she claims that she's not. The guys throw a blanket over the keg to hide it and start singing Christmas carols. Kitty comes in and says that she's got mistletoe with her, and kisses each of them; she also wants to decorate the apartment and clean it up. She's just about to take the blanket off the keg, but Hyde stops her. Kitty isn't happy with things, even though Hyde says everything is fine; she points out that there's salami on the couch, and that the fridge is a mess. Eric tells her that everything is fine and she can leave.
[Scene change: Jackie and Donna peer into the camera.]
In the Forman living room, Jackie reads Eight Ways To Trick A Man Into A Relationship
while Donna makes fun of her. Jackie explains that this is her first holiday without a boyfriend; Donna tries to tell her that it's okay to be alone, but Jackie says that she just wants to french someone.
At Bud's apartment, in the circle, the guys are all wearing Santa hats and playing quarters; as they get their quarter into the jar, they tell Eric to drink, and he does. He then says that at first he thought Bud was a dirt-bag, but there's a fine line between a dirt-bag and father of the year. Fez says that he's never played quarters before and will probably suck at it, but he's good. Hyde starts talking about Tattoo from Fantasy Island
, and that if he were Tattoo, his fantasy would be not to be a midget. They start the next round and all the guys get their quarters in and tell Eric to drink again; he does and says that he feels woozy.
At a bar, Jackie is there with Donna and meets two guys, Rob and Dean (most likely named after Co-Producers Rob desHotel and Dean Batali) who are firemen. Donna whispers to Jackie that they're probably about 40 years old, but Jackie doesn't care and just tells Donna that she'll pick one and Donna can have the other; Donna points out that she already has a boyfriend. The guys sit down and ask what Jackie and Donna do; Donna immediately says that they're in high school.
In the Forman driveway, Kelso comes in, holding Eric up; Eric insists that he's not drunk, so Kelso lets go of him and he falls to the ground. Eric tells Kelso that it was a great party and that Red doesn't like parties, then starts imitating Red. He doesn't see Red standing behind him as he's doing this, but then turns around and says, "Oh-oh," then leans over and throws up on Red's shoes.
[Scene change: Eric jumps in the air.]
In the Forman living room, Kitty says that she knew something was going on; Eric is lying on the sofa and says that his head hurts; Red points out that that's because his brain is trying to comprehend his own stupidity. Kitty decides that Bud isn't a good dad; Red agrees but says that that's between Bud and Hyde. Kitty wants to have Hyde move back to their house; Red agrees to call Bud and talk to him. Eric says that he feels sick, and Kitty angrily tells him to throw up under the Christmas tree, since Christmas is ruined!
In the bar, Jackie and Donna are still with the firemen; Jackie is asking them about their job, while Donna is trying to leave. Jackie takes Donna aside and tells her that she needs to hear someone tell her that she's cute. They go back to the table, and one of the guys tells Jackie that she seems familiar... he thinks about it and realizes that she has the same laugh as someone he used to date a long time ago, maybe 20 years ago... but that girl went off and married a rich lawyer whose name is Burkhart. Jackie is shocked, and Donna finds the whole thing fairly amusing.
In the Forman living room, Kitty sits there smoking, and tells Red that it's her Yuletide cigarette. The doorbell rings; it's Bud, and Kitty calls him a bad parent. Red suggests that she leave the room while he talks to Bud, so she does. Red tells Bud that Eric came home drunk, and asks why he left the gang with a keg of beer at his place? Bud says that he wants to be Hyde's friend, but Red tells him that being a father is like combat, and Hyde doesn't need a friend, he needs someone to ride his ass. Red tells Bud to do his job; Kitty comes back into the living room from the kitchen carrying a bag of groceries and tells Bud that there are FOUR food groups.
In the car, Jackie says that she's grossed out by how old the guys were, and Donna agrees that it was the worst. Jackie blames Donna for the whole thing, then moans that she's never going to meet anyone. Donna tells Jackie that when she's sad, she looks like Mary Tyler Moore
; this makes Jackie happy.
[Scene change: the four guys at the corners of the screen, with a candy cane background.]
At Bud's apartment, Fez is just about to set a fire when Bud comes in and puts a stop to things; he tells Hyde that Eric threw up and Hyde laughs. Bud informs Hyde that he has to do as Bud says, because Bud's the dad; he then orders Hyde to clean things up, take out the trash, and eat a banana, calling him a dumb ass.
[Scene change: Eric dances, Hyde loses his balance.]
In the Forman basement, Hyde tells Eric that Bud's too strict now, and Eric makes fun of him, saying that Hyde loves his daddy! The two of them start to wrestle; Red comes down and tells Hyde that he'll take over from here. Hyde leaves the room and Eric tells Red that he knows what he wants to say: that Eric was irresponsible and stupid; Eric adds that he's ashamed of himself and he's sorry for what he did and said. Red says okay, and turns to leave; Eric is shocked that Red didn't yell at him and asks if he just got off scott-free? He realizes what he's just said, and changes it, saying that he's learned a valuable lesson. Red gives Eric a present; it's his shoes from the previous night, and he wants them shined and buffed, then adds, "Hohoho... dumb ass!"
[End credits: In the Forman basement, Eric sits on the sofa playing quarters by himself, and missing every time. Hyde comes in, bounces a quarter into the glass and sits down. Eric screams in frustration and leaves.]