In the Forman living room, Red tells Eric and Donna that they take the dumb-ass cake; Kitty says she's disappointed in them, although what Eric did ~is~ romantic; Bob agrees with Kitty, saying that if Eric had done it on a horse, they would have made a movie out of it. Donna tells them that she knows that running away was selfish and immature; Eric tells Red that he understands that as long as he lives in this house, he has to do what Red says. Red tells him that that isn't enough, and demands the keys to the Vista Cruiser. Eric tries to explain that he needs the car, but Red doesn't care; Bob informs Donna that he's enrolled her in the Catholic high school for her final year.
In the Forman basement, Hyde and Jackie are making out; they hear Fez singing outside, and jump apart. Fez comes in and notices that they look all sweaty and guilty, and asks if they've been eating his candy? He leaves to check his secret stash of candy in the garage; Jackie tells Hyde that he has to learn to keep his hands off of her; he says she should keep her tongue to herself. She tells him that he started it; Hyde informs her that since she's cute, no one has ever told her to shut her pie-hole; Jackie asks if he thinks she's cute? Hyde tells her to shut her pie-hole, and they start making out again.
[Scene change: Jackie jumps in the air.]
In the Forman basement, Hyde and Jackie hear Kelso, Eric and Donna talking as they come downstairs, so they jump apart. Eric asks what they were doing, and Hyde says that they were just watching TV. Kelso sits beside Jackie and suggests that they should probably talk about their relationship, but she says that she's good. Kelso says that he can see that she's devastated, but she insists that she's fine; Kelso tells her that he'll always be there for her if she has physical needs; Hyde hits him, then says that he did it because he missed Kelso. Jackie asks Donna about Catholic school; Donna says that the school is called "Our Lady of Perpetual Sorrow" and then adds that she and Eric are never going to be able to see one another. Eric adds that since he doesn't have the car, he won't even be able to drive her to school either. Hyde agrees that it sucks not having a car, then gets up and says that he's going to go drive his car. Jackie asks where he's going, but he just asks why she cares, and leaves. Jackie makes an excuse that she's going shopping and leaves as well; Kelso tells the gang that Jackie is trying to replace him by shopping; Donna tells Eric that their senior year is ruined, but Eric says that he's sure that if they sit down and get serious, they can figure something out...
In the Forman basement, in the circle, Eric says he's just going to march over to the Pinciotti's house and talk to Bob, then adds that he loves march and his birthday is in March. Donna tells Eric that, pound for pound, he's the sweetest and bravest boyfriend; Fez wonders what's going on with Jackie, saying that recently she's looked like a deer caught in the headlights with her pants down; Kelso says that he feels sorry for Jackie because she has to look at him all the time, but she can't touch him. Eric and Donna each say that they love the other and start kissing; Kelso tells them that the circle is sacred, and that they shouldn't do anything in the circle that they wouldn't do in a church... cemetery... teacher's lounge... then says that he's done it everywhere.
[Scene change: Kelso holds Jackie in his arms and dips her.]
In Jackie's bedroom, Jackie shows Donna her "Michael Box," which contains everything that he ever gave her. She pulls out a rubber chicken that he gave her for their 1-year anniversary, then throws it away. Donna can't believe that Jackie is really over Kelso and says that she thought that would never happen until Jackie met someone else... then realizes that Jackie ~has~ met someone else. Jackie claims that Donna is crazy, then tells her to shut her pie-hole.
In the Pinciotti kitchen, Eric arrives with a crumb cake for Bob, and says that he wants to talk about Donna going to Catholic school; Bob says that she's going and that's final. Eric informs Bob that he's willing to fight this with ever fiber of his being; just then, Donna comes in, wearing her Catholic school uniform, which is a white blouse, kilt and knee socks; the Hallelujah Chorus
(G. Handel) plays as Eric stares at her; Eric turns to Bob and says, "On the other hand, you can't put a price on good education..."
[Scene change: Donna's face in a close up shot.]
Outside the Forman house on the stairs leading down to the basement, Donna says that she has to wear knee socks everyday; Eric agrees that he can't believe it either, but behind her, he makes a "yes" motion. They open the door to the basement; inside, Jackie and Hyde are making out on the sofa. Eric and Donna see them; Eric screams that he's blind; Jackie pushes Hyde off of her and yells at him; Hyde looks at Donna and tells her that her school uniform is great.
[Scene change: Hyde's face in a close up shot.]
In the Forman basement, Jackie asks what they saw; Eric says, "hands, tongues, yours, his... it was horrible!" Donna says that they were like Siamese twins joined at the beard. Hyde claims that Jackie threw herself at him; Jackie points out that he was on top of her, but Hyde claims that he fell, because his balance is off from partying so much. Eric can't believe it and points out that they hate each other; Donna says that Kelso is going to freak out. Hyde tells them that Kelso doesn't need to know, and Jackie agrees, saying that they can stop any time, and it's just been a meaningless fling. Eric tells her that if that's true, then they should stop now. Fez comes in; Donna tells him that they caught Hyde and Jackie making out; Fez points out that the two of them hate each other. Donna wants to know how it happened; Jackie says that she'll tell... Hyde invited her over while Eric was in California; he wanted to listen to the new ABBA album with her. He put it on and they danced...
Hyde points out that he neither shakes his booty, nor does he listen to ABBA; Jackie tells him that it's her story; she continues... Hyde made a move on her while they were dancing; he asked, "May I kiss you, milady?" and Jackie agreed, so he kissed her.
Donna laughingly tells Hyde that she had no idea that he could be so formal. Hyde says that Jackie is full of crap, and gives his version of how it happened... he was hanging out in the basement, when Jackie showed up; it was obvious that she wanted him (Hyde says to Jackie, "It's obvious that you want me.") and then she kissed him.
Donna comments to Jackie that she said that she didn't have a boyfriend; Hyde says he's not her boyfriend, and Jackie agrees. She stands up and says to Hyde, "Let's go, baby!" and they leave. Eric says that he has to leave too, as the basement is now tainted.
What Really Happened... In the Forman basement, Jackie and Hyde are watching The Price Is Right
; Hyde comments that he can't watch this show again, and Jackie agrees that it sucks, adding that there's nothing to do. She looks at Hyde; Hyde looks at her; they kiss, then stop and watch some TV, then start to kiss again.
[Scene change: Eric lies on floor and smiles up at the camera.]
In the Forman kitchen, Eric tells Kitty that he's going to take Donna to school, then "remembers" that he can't because he doesn't have the car, and reminds Kitty that Red took away his car keys when he did that super-romantic thing for Donna. Kitty caves in and tells him that he can take the car, just this one time, and it will be their little secret. She hands him the keys just as Red comes in the back door and asks what's going on? Red takes the keys away from Eric, telling him that he has another week of punishment. Eric tries to get some sympathy from Red, asking him to remember when he was in high school, and all the good times that he had driving around with his friends. Red tells Eric that if by "driving around" he means a gunboat in Okinawa, and by "friends" he means snipers, then, yes, he had fun. Kitty tells Eric that Red was damaged by the war as an explanation for his behavior. Red starts to yell at Eric, telling him that he's sick of him doing whatever he wants; Eric, however, isn't listening, because he's watching Donna out in the driveway; she's wearing her uniform. Red finishes up, then has to yell at Eric again to get his attention; Eric tells Red that he has to go and heads out the back door. Kitty and Red look at Donna; Kitty comments that Donna looks cute in her uniform; Red says that they're going to have to lock Eric in his room and poke his eyes out.
In the Forman basement, the gang is watching TV; Donna comes in wearing her uniform and the guys all clap. She tells them to grow up, then lets her hair down and they all clap again. Kelso comments that it was worth waiting for; Fez agrees, then they both leave. Eric asks Donna how her first day of Catholic school was; Donna says it was horrible as a nun spanked her with a ruler; at the door, Fez and Kelso stop, and Fez wishes that he were a ruler; the two of them leave. Hyde gets up from his chair and sits beside Jackie on the sofa; Donna asks what he's doing; Eric says that Hyde cares about Jackie. Hyde claims that Jackie sickens him; Jackie says that she's the one who's sickened, because she's not supposed to be with scruffy guys. Eric calls their relationship an abomination; Donna tells them that they have to tell Kelso or else she and Eric will. Jackie tells them that she and Hyde will break it off right now, and Hyde says that there's nothing to break off. Eric and Donna leave; Jackie asks Hyde if she really sickens him; he says no, that he sickens himself because she's supposed to sicken him but doesn't. Jackie says that she feels the same way; Hyde tells her to screw it, they should do whatever they want. Jackie asks him what they're going to do about Kelso, and Hyde says, "Details, baby, details." They start to kiss.
In the Forman driveway, Eric asks Donna how the uniform is working for her, then tells her to be bad, and he won't tell. She says that it's not funny, because she has to go to school without him; he points out that they'll still see each other at night and on weekends, then adds that he can still come and see her at school because he has a bike. Donna points out that her school is 10 miles away, then tells him that he's a good boyfriend; Eric asks, "Who?" and she says that she won't call him 'Principal Forman.' She heads for home, and Eric follows her, saying, "Don't make me get the ruler, young lady."
[End credits: In the Forman driveway, Fez hides his secret stash of candy in the hub cap of the Vista Cruiser; Donna and Eric arrive on his bicycle, with her on the handlebars. Donna tells Eric that he was right, 10 miles is nothing, and tells him to pick her up every day. Eric says sure, and once she leaves, he asks Fez which arm it is that hurts when you're having a heart attack?]