Fez: You don't like me because I'm not from here!
Red: This has nothing to do with you being a foreigner. It's about you taking advantage of my daughter like a sneaky foreigner!
Eric: Look, prison is not an option... I can't pee in front of other people.
INS Agent: How long did you two date before you got married?
Fez: Date? Who needs to date? I had her in the sack faster than you can say corn on the cob.
Fez: Why not? Red likes me!!
Kitty: Honey, you gave him a heart attack.
Fez: But this marriage is based on love. Right honey? (puts his hand on her shoulder)
Laurie: Don't touch me.
Fez: Fine, I'll give you twenty bucks to pretend to be my wife.
Hyde: That's gotta sound familiar!
Kitty: Steven, if you keep doing that it's gonna be really hard for me to pretend I don't know what you're talking about!
Hyde: Then I should go, because it's just too easy. Like Laurie!
Kitty: Laurie, try these banana-walnut pancakes. I know you've always had a thing for nuts.
Hyde: Every man in town knows that!
Kitty: Why men? Oh, never mind!!
Kelso: You girls don't even know what I'm going through here! You can have all the sex you want and you don't have to worry about getting anyone pregnant!!
Jackie: Laverne is so annoying! Why does Shirley keep putting up with her crap?
Kelso: Well, she has to, they're in love.
Donna: Again, Kelso, Laverne and Shirley are not lesbians.
Kelso: Trust me, they're one bottle of wine away from making out. Just like you two.
(Red opens the shower curtain)
Fez: Look, I don't know what you heard, but this show ain't free!
This episode aired in Canada on Global TV the night before because of Survivor on a special night.
Red (to Fez): Outta my chair, Tonto.
This refers to The Lone Ranger, a half-hour weekly show that ran from 1949 to 1957. The Lone Ranger was a cowboy hero who had a Native American sidekick called Tonto.
Eric: Fez could get deported!
Red: Well that's Anwar's problem.
Red calls Fez "Anwar", probably referring to Anwar Sadat, the President of Egypt from 1970 to 1981.
Kelso: Laverne is so annoying. Why does Shirley keep putting up with her crap?
The gang is watching Laverne & Shirley, a half-hour weekly sitcom that ran from 1976 to 1983. It was about two working-class girls who shared an apartment in Milwaukee in the 60s.