That '70s Show

Season 4 Episode 13

Jackie Says Cheese

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Jan 08, 2002 on FOX

Episode Recap

In the Forman kitchen, Eric and Red both go for the last waffle. Kitty comes in and gives Eric a bag of condoms from the hospital, which kind of grosses him out, then she adds a sexual health pamphlet; Eric comments that it couldn't be more uncomfortable, and gets up to walk out. Kitty tells him not to forget his condoms. [Opening credits.] [Scene change: Hyde jumps up in the air.] In the Forman basement, Hyde comes out and says that Red is still spot checking his room, so he needs Eric to hide his stash for him. Donna and Jackie come in, Jackie says that the most horrible thing just happened: her father found out that she and Kelso got back together, so now she has to break up with him or else she won't get any money. She tells him that she kept their love a secret because her dad thinks Kelso is a bad influence. The gang votes that she dump Kelso and go for the money, but Kelso tells her that he loves her; she chooses love, then tells him to get a job, because she needs a lot of money. [Scene change: Kelso and Jackie jumping in the air.] At The Hub, Fez comes in with the new foreign exchange student, Tomas. He flirts with Donna; Fez says he's showing Tomas the ropes, and Tomas says hi to another girl. Fez says that the girl is out of their league; Tomas says they must be in different leagues because he had sex with her last night. He then tells them that the football team loves him -- he's their new place-kicker. Fez asks why they love him so much, Tomas says he has a delightful accent; Fez points out that he does too. Tomas tells him that a nerd with an accent is still a nerd. They both say "Good day" to each other and Tomas leaves. [Scene change: Fez on swing.] In Kitty and Red's bedroom, Red and Kitty kissing in bed. Red opens the bedside table drawer, feels around, then says he's out. Kitty can't believe that he's out of condoms; Red tells her that she had a whole bag of them and wasted them on Eric who's probably making balloon animals with them. Red suggests chancing it, but when Kitty mentions having a mid-life baby, he has second thoughts about it and gets up. In Eric's bedroom, Red sneaks in and looks through the drawers. Eric and Hyde come in; all three of them stare guiltily at each other. Red leaves, saying it's late and they'll talk about it tomorrow. Eric asks Hyde if he knows what this means and Hyde says, "Yeah, I get your room and you get sent to military school." In Kitty and Red's bedroom, Red comes in and tells Kitty that Eric caught him; she laughs. He says he's a grown man and it's embarrassing because he shouldn't have to be looking for "those things" in his son's room. Kitty says "condoms" which makes Red uncomfortable. They decide that they'll just go to sleep. As Red turns over, Kitty leans over his shoulder and whispers in his ear, "condoms!" [Scene change: Eric doing push ups on the screen while Red looms over him.] At The Hub, Tomas is talking to two girls. Fez and Hyde are at another table. Fez is upset, saying that Tomas is shady; he never says where he's from. Hyde asks where Fez is from, but Fez deflects the question, asking where Hyde's from. In the Forman kitchen, Eric pokes his head through the door, and asks Kitty if Red is around. Kitty says he's upstairs, so Eric grabs some food and runs out. Red pokes his head through the door and asks if Eric's around; Kitty says he left. She tells him that it's silly and he can't avoid Eric forever. Red says that he doesn't have to avoid Eric forever, just until he goes to college. [Scene change: Red walks across the screen, Kitty dances.] In the Forman basement, Jackie is pacing; Kelso comes in and she tells him that she's broke and had to buy generic conditioner, and he needs to get a job. He had an interview at the Cheese Palace at the mall, and he applied for the job of Cheese Maiden, but they wanted a girl. Donna tells him that he's pretty like a girl. She suggests that Jackie try for the job, but Jackie doesn't like the idea, saying that jobs are for poor people, and she's a rich person who doesn't have money. Kelso points out that she has a blackhead, and she screams. At the Mall, Jackie is wearing a Cheese Maiden outfit, with a cheese tray, offering cheese to people walking by. [Scene change: Jackie and Donna dancing.] At the Mall, Jackie is shouting at passers by, trying to get them to try some cheese; Donna, Hyde and Kelso come in and make fun of her. Jackie says that the job is awful; she points out to Kelso that the only reason that she has the job is so that the two of them can be together, and he's done nothing to help that other than sit in the basement and eat chips. [Scene change: Jackie jumping in the air.] In the Forman basement, Fez is fretting about Tomas; he tells Hyde that he needs to do something to prove that he's cooler than Tomas. He tells Hyde that he once saw Fonzie do something, then imagines himself on water skis, jumping over a shark while the gang watches. He does it, and they all love him and hate Tomas. Hyde tells him that that was not only the worst episode ever, but also the worst moment in television history. Fez agrees that it was stupid. [Scene change: Hyde boogies towards the camera.] In the Forman basement, Eric wonders why Red hasn't said anything about the stash, and thinks that it means that he's gone beyond angry. Kelso suggests that maybe Red was dipping into Hyde's stash, saying everyone's trying it. They imagine the circle, Red is there, eating whipped cream from a can, and putting it on his head. Eric doesn't buy it, saying Red's going to kill him. Hyde says that he doesn't want to leave him hanging, but he's going to, and wishes him luck in military school. In the car, Fez and Hyde take Tomas on his first American road trip. Tomas is excited to see Lake Dillhole; Fez pulls over and says that they're at the lake, so Tomas gets out. Hyde points out that it's the Michigan border. Fez drives away, saying that he's now ahead in the score; Hyde tells him that it was a good one, and Fez says that he learned from the best (Hyde). Hyde points out that he would have taken Tomas's clothes. At the Mall, Jackie is offering cheese to passers by; Kelso comes along with Donna. Jackie tells them that it's awful, she smells like cheese and she can't do this. She's not cut out for work. The manager gives her her first paycheck, and she's happy - so is Kelso, saying that they can buy the remote control car. She tells him that money doesn't grow on trees, then realizes that money doesn't grow on trees. She says that having a job might just change her, and create a whole new Jackie. Kelso and Donna both say, "yeah" but Kelso's clearly as unhappy about it as Donna is happy. In the Forman kitchen, Eric comes in and sees Red, they both try to run out in different directions, but Kitty stops them and insists that they talk. She explains what happened and what Red was doing in Eric's room, and adds that Red's embarrassed about it. Eric is relieved; Red asks what he thought it was? Red and Kitty ground Eric, even though they don't know what he did. Eric says fine, and goes downstairs. [End credits: At the Mall, Jackie reports a theft to her boss, saying that FICA stole 10% of her money from her paycheck. She also adds that when she spells her name, she likes to dot the "i" with a flower, and wants him to do that on the paycheck, and then tells him that he has something hanging from his nose, and she'd like Saturday off.]