That '70s Show

Season 8 Episode 15

Keep Yourself Alive

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Apr 13, 2006 on FOX

Episode Recap

In the Vista Cruiser, on the way home from the County Fair, Kitty comments that it was fun, and the music was good; Jackie disagrees and says that the only thing worse than the music was listening to Hyde throw up after spending the day in the beer tent; she and Hyde trade insults. Fez says that he had a great time and got an invisible dog on a leash, a goldfish and a giant panda; Donna compliments Randy on all the things he won. Red agrees with her and tells her that it must be nice for her to finally have a boyfriend who can swing a sledgehammer; Kitty says that Eric always got a stuffed animal at one booth, but Red points out that it was the gift shop. Donna tells Kitty that she can't believe Kitty let the man guess her weight; Kitty says that she can't believe that Donna has moved on from Eric already, then calls her loose. Hyde, who is still drunk, yells "Whorus Maximus!" Kitty then says that for the weight guessing, she took off her shoes, her engagement ring, took all the tissues out of her pockets and spit out her gum, so the weight guesser never had a chance. She then remembers and asks Fez to give her the engagement ring back; he pulls it out of his pocket and as he's admiring it, Red goes over a bump and the ring goes flying out the window.

[Opening credits.]

[Scene change: Kitty and Fez dance on the screen.]

At the road side, everyone is out of the car, searching for the ring; Kitty is upset and blames Fez for losing it. Red tells her that he'll take her home and make her a drink; he tells the gang to keep looking for the ring. He and Kitty leave; Fez tells Hyde that the ring must have rolled down the hill and been eaten by a squirrel, so they need to find the squirrel, feed it laxatives and wait for nature to take its course. Donna tells Randy that she wants to be alone with him and he suggests that they sneak off together. Donna tells the others that they'll find the ring faster if they split up, so she and Randy will go together and look, and Jackie can go with Hyde. Jackie doesn't like that idea because she doesn't want to be with Hyde; she tells Donna that she'd rather be with her. Hyde insults again.

[Scene change: Hyde peers into the camera, Randy jumps in the air and plays air guitar.]

In the woods, Hyde tells Randy that Jackie's really annoying and he never realized that while he was dating her; it took marrying a stripper to put things into perspective; he then says that it's great, just the two guys together in the woods; Randy suggests again that he should team up with Donna. Hyde tells Randy that he doesn't want to get between him and Donna, because it's all about love... and jugs. He sits down and continues on this topic, but when he turns around, Randy is gone.

[Scene change: Hyde jumps up towards the camera.]

In the Forman kitchen, Kitty sips a martini and says that it's just awful; Red takes the martini and says he'll add more gin, but Kitty meant the situation with the ring. She blames Red for driving too fast; Red tells her that she shouldn't have given it to Fez in the first place, and they're lucky that he didn't put it through his nose. Kitty sips her drink and says that it's just the worst ever; Red tells her that it's just a ring, but this time, she meant the martini. Bob comes in and says that he heard them arguing, so he thought he'd come over and take a side. Kitty tells Bob the situation with the ring, and says that Red doesn't even care, but even if the sentimental value is nothing to him, the fact that it cost $1,000 should count for something. Bob turns to Red and asks when he replaced the old, cheap ring. Kitty looks confused; Bob tells Red that he (Red) has blown it now. Kitty wants to know what Bob's talking about, so Red explains that he loves her. Kitty asks how much the ring really cost, and after some waffling, Red admits that it cost $65.00. Kitty is shocked, and tells him that her hairdo cost more than that! Red tells her that it looks lovely; she tells him that he's sleeping on the couch tonight, and storms out of the kitchen. Bob tells Red that the couch has a great view of the TV.

[Scene change: Donna's face in a close up shot, Randy falls from the top of the screen.]

In the woods, Jackie tells Donna that Hyde's a jerk, and she can't believe she almost married someone who can belch the alphabet all the way to "W," then complains that he never finishes anything. Donna says that Randy is perfect, and that the caricature artist at the Fair wouldn't draw him because she couldn't find any flaws. Jackie comments that the artist was horrible, and as proof says that she drew Jackie's mouth way too big. Randy and Hyde show up; Donna tells them that they didn't find the ring, but did find a broken high heel, a torn stocking and a pack of Marlboros; Jackie snidely says that that means Hyde's mom was there; Hyde retorts that she smokes Luckys. Randy suggests that they switch partners; he flips a coin and says that he's with Donna. Jackie tries to stop them, telling them that Hyde's a pig. Donna says that they're never going to find the ring and they should just go, then notices that Fez is missing; they all look around for Fez.

In a cave, Fez tells his goldfish that they're lost in a cave in the woods, and he's glad that "Goldy" is there, because otherwise, he'd just be talking to himself and that would be crazy.

[Scene change: Randy jumps up towards the camera.]

In the woods, the gang looks for Fez; Jackie says that he'll be fine but Randy's worried. A bird calls and Jackie jumps then asks what that was; Hyde tells her it was the Wild Canadian Boar, but it only eats nice girls, so she's safe. As they continue to look for Fez, they cross a creek; Randy helps Donna across on the fallen tree, then Hyde crosses and Jackie is left alone on the other side. She asks how she's supposed to get across, and Hyde tells her to come across like she always does... really bitchy. He then offers to help her, but she refuses his help and crosses on her own, but falls into the creek.

In the cave, Fez tells Goldy that they've been there either an hour or a month. He then tells her that he's thirsty and looks at the baggie that she's in and tells her he's going to drink some of her water. He does, then looks at her again and says, "You peed in there!"

In the Forman living room, Red comes in and tells Kitty that he sent Bob to pick up the kids; Kitty is angry about the ring and the fact that he lied about how much it cost. Red explains that he wanted to buy her a ring like she deserved, but realized that he'd have to save his money for a long, long time to get one that expensive, and he didn't want to wait, so he got a cheap one. He says that he really intended to tell her at the time, but she was so excited and loved the ring, and said that it must have cost a thousand dollars, so how could he tell her after that? Kitty forgives him; Red tells her that if the kids don't find the old ring, he'll buy her a new one.

In the woods, Randy and Donna are finally alone; they move towards each other to kiss, but just as they do, Jackie's voice comes screaming through the trees, followed by Jackie herself, then Hyde. He explains to them that Jackie fell in the creek; she says that she might get pneumonia and Hyde says that the day just keeps getting better. Randy says that he and Hyde will go look for Fez, and they head off; Donna tells Jackie that she's been holding something in for three hours and can't do it any more. Jackie thinks that Donna means the fact that she likes Randy, or is jealous of Jackie's hair, but Donna means that she has to go to the bathroom. She heads off into the bushes and tells Jackie to be her look-out; as she's behind the bushes, Hyde and Randy come around and see her; they were walking around in a big circle.

[Scene change: Fez dances towards the camera.]

In the cave, Fez plays tic-tac-toe with Goldy and wins again, and tells her that he knows she's a goldfish, but really, she's not even trying! He then hears Bob's voice calling him from outside; Bob comes into the cave and tells Fez he found him by following the trail of candy corn that Fez left; Fez groans and checks his candy corn bag and then comments that it's all gone to waste, but Bob says no, it hasn't because he ate it. Fez looks disgusted and says that it was on the ground, then reconsiders and admits that he would have eaten it too.

[Scene change: Jackie's face in a close up shot, Donna jumps in the background.]

In the woods, in the circle, Hyde tells Donna that no one cares that they saw her peeing, then suggests singing campfire songs and starts singing "Tinkle, Tinkle, Little Star." Donna says that she couldn't hold it in and wonders why she had the 48-ounce drink, then wonders why she didn't pee in the 48-ounce cup. Randy comments that peeing in a cup really isn't any less humiliating; Jackie points out that this is what she hates about the woods: everything is a bathroom!

[Scene change: Donna dances on the screen.]

In the woods, Bob and Fez are heading towards the car, singing; Donna sees them and starts to follow with the rest of the gang. At the creek, Donna and Randy cross successfully, and Hyde offers to help Jackie cross; he stands on the fallen tree and takes Jackie's hand as she steps up on the tree. She then loses her balance and falls into the creek again. Hyde laughs and hopes that he'll still remember this in the morning.

[Scene change: Red walks across the screen, Kitty sits and dances in place.]

In the driveway, Bob comments to Kitty that it's too bad about her ring as she's taking groceries out of the back of the Vista Cruiser; as she pulls a grocery bag out, she notices the ring in the back of the car and picks it up. Red comes out of the house and Kitty is about to tell him, but he cuts her off and announces that he's just ordered her a new ring, the nicest one that the jeweler had, almost a full carat; Kitty reconsiders telling him and just slips the ring into her jacket pocket and tells Red that the ring sounds beautiful.

[End credits: In the woods, Fez tells Goldy that she belongs in the wild; he releases her into the creek and tells her, "Swim, Goldy, swim!" We hear a hawk cry; Fez smiles and watches the hawk and says, "Fly, Goldy, fly!"]
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