That '70s Show

Season 2 Episode 21

Kelso's Serenade

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Mar 27, 2000 on FOX

Episode Recap

In the Vista Cruiser, Donna and Eric are cuddled up together; Eric tells Donna that every time that they do what they just did, it's always fun. Donna tells him that he's cute; Eric tells her that by "cute" he's sure that she means "ruggedly handsome." He adds that after they do what they did, he doesn't feel like an "Eric," he feels like a "Stan" or "Chuck" or even a "Maverick." Donna, calling him "Maverick" asks if he'd like to go to a movie with her tomorrow night; Eric says that he's hanging out with the guys tomorrow, then after an uncomfortable pause, adds that she's welcome to join him. Donna tells him that it's fine (while thinking "Get bent!"); Eric asks if she really means that (while wondering if he's in trouble) and Donna says yes, she really means it (while thinking "You'll never see me naked again.") Eric tells her that that's cool (while thinking "That's cool.") [Opening credits.] [Scene change: Eric jumps up and makes peace signs, Hyde jumps in the air.] In the Forman kitchen, Kitty serves everyone Swedish pancakes for breakfast; Red warns everyone that there's always a catch when Kitty serves these; Laurie asks if someone has cancer? Kitty tells them no, there's no catch and no one has cancer, and that she just wants to enjoy breakfast as a family. Red takes a bite of his pancakes, and Kitty says, "Gotcha!" then tells them that they're all going to visit Aunt Pearl at the nursing home; Laurie says that she thought Aunt Pearl was dead and Eric agrees, saying that she was really old, so maybe the should check before they go. Kitty tells them that it will just be a quick visit; Red says that they're going and that's that. Eric asks if he has to go, pointing out that he's been to see her three times already this year, and Laurie sneeringly tells him, "Yeah, and I'm a virgin." In the Forman basement, in the circle, Kelso tells the guys that he misses Jackie; he can't sleep or think, although he can still eat, but feels dead inside. Fez comments that that must be what smells so bad, and Hyde agrees, asking Kelso when he last took a bath? Eric tells Kelso that he's glad that Donna isn't Jackie, but even gladder that he's not Kelso. Kelso says that he has to get Jackie back, and decides that he'll write her a song. Fez suggests that Kelso let Jackie date other people... foreign exchange people. Hyde tells Kelso that the song is a great idea, and suggests that he sing, "You don't love me any more; you caught me cheating with a whore..." Eric laughs and agrees that Laurie is a whore. Kelso starts crying, and says that he can't stop his tears; the guys all stare at him in disbelief, then Eric tells him that there's no crying in the circle. On the Forman front porch, Donna tells Jackie about what Eric said in car, and adds that she thinks he's taking her for granted, but then wonders if she's just over-reacting. Jackie tells her that all men take all women for granted all the time, and Donna should just dump Eric now before it's too late. Donna thinks about it and wonders what things will be like; if he treats her this way now, what will things be like if they get married? She imagines... a home like All In The Family, where Gloria (Jackie) argues with Meathead/Michael (Kelso) about looking at other women; Edith (Donna) comes in and tells them to stop arguing; Gloria asks why she's so dressed up and Edith says that Archie (Eric) is taking her out tonight. Archie comes home and tells them that the fight is about to start on TV; Gloria points out that he's supposed to be taking Edith out tonight and Meathead agrees. Archie tells them to shut up; Edith comments that maybe he forgot, but Archie says that he didn't forget, and tells her to stifle. ... Donna asks Jackie what she should do, and Jackie says that she doesn't know. Red opens the front door and tells them to talk on their own porch. [Scene change: Jackie and Donna dance on the screen.] At the nursing home, Kitty asks Aunt Pearl if she's been playing much bingo; Pearl says that she ate their pudding, now she wants them to leave. Kitty tells Laurie to say something nice, so Laurie says, "Something nice." Pearl grabs the magazine from her hands and goes into the bathroom without closing the door behind her; Red runs over and shuts it, saying that no one needs to see that. From inside the bathroom, Aunt Pearl yells at them to leave. In the Forman basement, Jackie tells Hyde that she thought that after breaking up with Kelso, she wouldn't want to hang out at Eric's any more; Hyde comments that they were all hoping she wouldn't. Jackie asks if they'd miss her if she left; Hyde tells her that it's important when you break up with someone to find friends... who are sympathetic... to give support... he's clearly struggling for words that sound right, but Jackie isn't really listening to that. She suggests that the two of them go to the mall together; Hyde tells her that when he said she should find friends, he meant Donna. Jackie tells him that he's alone, and she's alone, so they can be alone together and follows him into his room. Hyde comes back out into the main room; Jackie suggests that they could go to Sizzler, adding that they have an all-you-can-eat salad bar there, and she'll pay. Hyde thinks about this for a second then tells her that she's been through a rough time, and agrees to go with her. At The Hub, Kelso plays his song for Eric and Fez while playing the guitar: "You may think this song is stupid, So I made a call to cupid, And the told me to put my heart out on my sleeve, So we can retrieve... Our love from the trash... trash... trash..." Eric tells Kelso that he should draw a picture; Kelso says that Eric can laugh now, but some day, Donna will crush him and then he'll feel the same as Kelso does now. Eric points out that that will never happen, as he's taken some precautions to stop it from happening, like never cheating on Donna. Kelso tells Eric that he's never cheated only because he's too chicken. Donna comes in; when she comes over to the table, Eric tells her to get him a root beer. Kelso and Fez gasp, and Fez says that he can't look. Donna stares at Eric, then tells him that she's not his slave, or his waitress or barmaid, so he'd better not get all "Archie Bunker-y" on her, or she'll kick his ass to the moon. She storms out; Kelso laughs at Eric, and offers him the guitar, asking, "What rhymes with Donna?" [Scene change: Kelso dances on the screen.] In the Forman basement, Kelso sings his song for the guys: "I didn't mean to cheat but she forced me, She downright coerced me..." Eric says that all he did was ask Donna to get him a root beer and he doesn't know what her problem is; Fez tells him that women control men, but Eric disagrees. Kelso says that Fez is right, and he wishes that Jackie were still controlling him as he likes being on a short leash, then sings "Put the short leash back on me..." Eric grabs the guitar and smashes it on the table; Kelso laughs at him again, as it was Eric's guitar. In Jackie's car, Jackie tells Hyde that the boots she bought for him look good; he says that buying them was wrong, and she should have let him shoplift them. Jackie tells him that she's saving a lot of money now because she isn't buying things for Kelso all the time, then asks what Hyde wants to do tomorrow? Hyde tells her that he thought she understood that this was a one-time thing, then, when she starts pouting, asks what she's going to do, start crying? Jackie does start crying; Hyde tells her that everything will be fine. Jackie moves forward to kiss him and he pushes her away, telling her "Bad Jackie!" She says that she' worried that she'll never find anyone else, and she thought that since he was alone and so was she... Hyde tells her that she ~will~ find someone else, adding that he personally doesn't like her, but if he didn't know her, then he'd think that she was totally hot. That makes Jackie happy. At the nursing home, Kitty tries to get Pearl out of bathroom while Red watches TV; Kitty asks Laurie to try to get her out of the bathroom, saying that Pearl likes her, so she might have better luck. Laurie goes over to the door and shouts for Aunt Pearl to come out and show her the scrapbooks; Pearl shouts back that every time they come over she has to get dressed and put in her teeth, and they're just not worth it, so she wants them to leave. Kitty gives up and says that they can leave, adding that she hopes that when she gets old someone will visit her; Laurie points out that Kitty has nothing to worry about because Eric will. Laurie asks if she can go out and warm up the car, but Red says no, they're staying because it's important to Kitty. He calls to Pearl to come out and watch the Bucks game on TV; Pearl comes out of the bathroom and sits down to watch the game, saying that the only thing that keeps her alive is watching the Bucks lose. Red says, "Go, Bucks!" In the Forman basement, Kelso comes in; Jackie tells him that she doesn't want to talk to him, but he tells her that he's written her a song and begins to sing, "Jackie... Please take me backie... I'll get the knackie..."; Jackie tells him to stop and Fez seconds that, saying that you don't seranade a woman that way. Fez says that he'll show Kelso how it's done; he kneels and takes Jackie's hand, and begins singing Besame Mucho to her. Kelso asks what he's doing; Fez looks guilty and says that it's his school song. Hyde comes downstairs and asks what's going on; Jackie goes over to him, thanks him for the evening, saying that it was special, and then kisses his cheek and goes. Kelso lets out a little scream; Hyde puts his foot up on the table and asks how they like his new boots. [Scene change: Jackie jumps in the air.] In the Forman kitchen, Fez tells Red what Eric said to Donna; Red laughs, but Eric still doesn't see why it's a problem, saying that he did nothing wrong and he's not going to apologize. Red tells him that he's assuming that he's good enough for Donna, and then tells Eric that he's not, adding, "just like I'm not good enough for your mother." Eric starts to laugh, but Red tells him that he didn't want to spend the day at the nursing home visiting Aunt Pearl, but that's the kind of thing that you have to put up with, because that's the price you pay. He tells Eric to call Donna before she realizes that she's better off without him. [Scene change: Donna jumps up in the air.] In the Forman driveway, Eric comes out of the house on his way over to Donna's and meets her in the driveway; she's on her way over to see Eric. She tells him that she's thought about things, and maybe she over-reacted the other night. Eric tells her that there's no apology necessary, and he welcomes her insane behavior and criticism. Donna tells him not to be a jerk, but Eric tells her that he's serious, he'll do whatever it takes to keep the two of them together, because it's worth it. He then asks if he has to ask her before he goes out with the guys; Donna says no, then yes, then sometimes. Eric asks how he'll know; she tells him that he'll find out afterwards when she gets mad. Eric wants to know if there's a better system, but Donna can't think of one. Eric apologizes to her, and she says she's sorry too; he tells her that he blew off the guys tonight so that he could hang out with her, but she says that she's hanging out with Jackie tonight, then tells him that he can come along if he wants. She kisses him and goes; Eric laughs, but then mutters that it wasn't really funny. [End credits: At the nursing home, Eric is sitting on the bed beside Aunt Pearl. They're watching TV, and not talking. Eric starts to say something, but Aunt Pearl shushes him. They continue watching in silence, then Eric tries to talk again, but Aunt Pearl shushes him again.]