That '70s Show

Season 3 Episode 17

Kitty's Birthday (That's Today?!)

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Feb 27, 2001 on FOX

Episode Recap

In the Forman driveway, the guys are working on Hyde's new car; Hyde says that the car is the best thing that's ever happened to him, except when Kelso swallowed those goldfish. Eric says that the Vista Cruiser is better; he and Hyde start comparing cars, and Hyde points out that he can get 32 girls in the flatbed of his car. He pulls up the cover of the flatbed only to discover Fez and Caroline making out there. Fez explains that he was just showing Caroline his new car; Kelso says that it's not Fez's car and Jackie agrees, saying that the only cars that foreigners can drive are taxis. Caroline tells Fez that she's his girlfriend and he doesn't have to impress her; he says ok, then tells her that while they walk to her house, he'll tell her about the time that he killed a shark with a coconut. Hyde asks Kelso if he wants to go cruising for chicks; Kelso says no, he's not into that any more. Jackie asks Donna if she wants to go to the mall as there's a new Dairy Queen opening, but Donna says no. Kelso tells Jackie that he'll go to the mall with her; she goes inside to get her handbag. After Jackie has gone inside, Hyde asks Kelso what's wrong with him, why won't he go cruising, but he'll go to the mall. Kelso explains that he has realized that Jackie is the only girl for him and he has a plan to get her back -- he'll be her friend, then she'll start to think of him as a boy, and then she'll think of him as her friend-boy. Jackie comes back out; she and Kelso leave. Donna says that Kelso's plan is really bad; Eric agrees, but points out that they might get to see it all blow up in his face.

[Opening credits.]

[Scene change: Eric and Hyde jumping towards the camera.]

In the Forman kitchen, Kitty is at the counter. Hyde comes in and wishes her a happy birthday. Kitty tells him that he's the first to say that to her today, and asks him to stay for dinner. He says that he'll just grab a sandwich, but Kitty insists that he stay, telling him that they're having Man-wiches, and Hyde happily agrees to stay. Eric comes in and asks what's for dinner, then complains about it when Kitty tells him. Red comes in and tells Kitty that his shirts still need to be ironed; he then tells her that he knows that she thinks he forgot but he didn't. Kitty is happy, thinking that he's talking about her birthday; he then tells her that he remembered, and put the check for the plumber on the dresser. Kitty, who is becoming upset because both Red and Eric are ignoring her birthday, puts the plates of food on the table, and Eric begins to complain again, asking if there's anything else to eat. Kitty blows up, throwing his plate in the garbage, then storms out of the kitchen.

At The Hub, Jackie and Kelso sit at a table, looking through a catalogue and discussing clothes. Hyde comes in and goes up to the counter to get some food; Caroline comes up and asks if he knows where Fez is. Hyde tells her that Fez is bowling with his host parents; she's upset because this means that she'll have to walk home alone. Hyde offers to drive her home, and she agrees. At the table, Jackie tells Kelso that he's like the girlfriend that she never had; Kelso is shocked that she thinks of him like a girlfriend. She tells him that Donna's ok, but dresses like a lumberjack.

In the Forman livingroom, Red and Eric sit and read while Kitty looks unhappy. Neither one of them responds to her attempts to make conversation, so she announces that she's going to bed. After she stomps upstairs, Eric asks Red what's wrong with Kitty; Red doesn't know. He asks Eric to hand him the TV Guide, and as he looks at the date there, he realizes that it's Kitty's birthday. He blames Eric for forgetting. Eric asks what they're going to do about it, and Red tells him that they should think about it while they watch CHiPs.

In Hyde's car, Caroline is telling Hyde about how much she loves Fez. She tells him that she sometimes thinks about how much it would hurt her if he ever left her, and that sometimes, in bed at night, she holds her breath until she passes out, and she thinks that's how much it would hurt if Fez left her. From the look on Hyde's face, he thinks she's crazy, but he agrees with everything she says.

In Red and Kitty's bedroom, Kitty is reading in bed. Eric and Red burst through the door, saying "Happy Birthday!" Eric has a balloon, and they both have presents; Red tells her that they planned things this way all along -- that they wanted her to ~think~ that they'd forgotten, so that their surprise would be even bigger. Eric gives her his present; a map of Wisconsin and Kitty is clearly not happy about it. Then Red gives her his present; a funnel. Kitty tells them that she knows that they just went to the gas station and bought crappy presents. Red tells Kitty that it's her fault, because it's her responsibility to mark the calendar.

[Scene change: Fez and Eric jumping towards the camera.]

In the Forman livingroom, Red is on the sofa; he slept there. Kitty comes down, and Red cheerfully greets her, asking what's for breakfast. She tells him, "A funnel."

In the Forman driveway, Kelso is complaining to the guys about being Jackie's girlfriend. Fez comments that it's cold and he wants to go inside, but Eric tells him that they can't because he forgot his mom's birthday. Hyde can't believe that he forgot, and comments that ~he~ remembered. Eric asks why Hyde didn't remind him and Hyde tells him that that wouldn't have been funny. Fez comments that he'll never forget Caroline's birthday because she wrote it on his arm in indelible ink and Hyde comments that Caroline is crazy. Fez gets angry at this and leaves. Eric laughs at Kelso's pain, asking him what's so bad about being Jackie's girlfriend; Kelso imagines a situation where he's Jackie's maid-of-honor at her wedding. Eric tells him to consider what his life would be like with no Jackie, and Kelso imagines being cold and alone in a dark cell. He realizes that being her girlfriend is ok, commenting, "they make out sometimes, right?" Hyde tells him yes, especially after having a hot, sweaty pillow fight.

[Scene change: Kelso sits on the floor in a yoga position, grooving to music.]

In the Forman kitchen, Donna comes in and asks Kitty if Eric is home. Kitty is very angry, and tells Donna about Red and Eric forgetting her birthday. Eric offers to kick Eric's butt, and tells Kitty that she has every right to be mad because she's the world's best mom. Kitty offers to make breakfast for Donna, telling her that they can have waffles. Donna says that frozen waffles would be great, but Kitty says, no, she makes her own batter; Donna tells her again that she really is the world's greatest mom.

At The Hub, Jackie is making catty comments about other girls, and Kelso is agreeing with her. Jackie says that she's bored, and Kelso suggests that they go back to her place and have a pillow fight. She says ok, and they leave. Fez comes in and asks Caroline if it's true that she chokes herself; she tells him yes, she does because she loves him so much. Fez tells her that he's ok with that; Hyde pulls Fez aside and asks what's going on? Fez says that Caroline ~is~ crazy.....crazy for him.

In the Forman kitchen, Eric and Red are cleaning the counters and floor. Kitty comes in and walks through without looking at them or speaking. Eric comments that he's never seen her this mad and Red comments, "Not since she stopped drinking." Eric looks shocked by this comment, but says nothing. Red then tells him that there's something that Kitty has been asking for for the last 10 years and they should give it to her. Eric doesn't want to, but Red tells him that they have to.

At the square dance hall, Kitty, Red, Eric and Donna walk in, dressed in cowboy clothes; Kitty is wearing a gingham dress with crinolines, and is very happy. Red, Eric and Donna aren't so happy to be there; Kitty drags Red off to dance; Eric comments to Donna that he doesn't think he can do this; Donna points out that Kitty made waffles for her, so they're going to dance. There are various scenes of the four of them dancing, Kitty having a great time, Red putting up with it, and Donna and Eric seeming to have a good time. Finally, they sit down to rest; Red and Eric give Kitty another present. She opens it to find a coffee mug with "The World's Darn Tootin'est Mom" on it. She suggests that it's time to go home, and they all leave.

[End credits: In the Forman kitchen, Red and Eric sit at the table with calendars, marking off the important dates and going over a checklist to make sure that they've gotten them all. Eric realizes that they've left Kitty's birthday out again, and they start over.]

Of note in this episode:

Red mentions that Kitty used to drink and quit, which suggests that perhaps it was more than just "social drinking."
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