Donna: [Danielle] chose Fez because he listens when a woman talks instead of staring at her chest.
(Kelso stares at Donna's chest)
Donna: Stop staring at my chest!
Kelso: I was supposed to meet this girl Danielle after her haircut, and she never showed.
Hyde: Okay, wait a second. First a girl fight and now this? I vote "Best Day Ever."
Eric: So, Mom, in the interest of returning regular meal service to my now shattered life, I'm here to help. So, uh, just tell me the problem beneath the dirty, gross problem.
Kitty: Honey, there is none. I just want your father and me to have more adventurous sexual intercourse.
Eric: Well, this is one of those times I'm kinda happy my stomach's empty. Um, look, instead of calling it uh, sexual inter-ah...ahem. Instead of calling it that, why don't we call it, like, a walk in the park?
Kitty: Fine. I want your father and I to have more adventurous walks in the park. I want to walk in the park in the kitchen. Walk in the park on a Tuesday! Ahaha! I even want to walk in the park in the park!
Bob: Hey ya, Red. Eric told me you and Kitty are having a little trouble in the old hee-hoo department.
Red (to Eric): You told Bob? Are you out of your puny mind?
Eric: Look, you have to work this stuff out with Mom. She hasn't fed us in three days. Dad, I can't afford not to eat. Yesterday I ate a raisin of the floor. I'm not even sure if it was really a raisin.
Kelso: All right, Fez, stand up so I can kick your ass! How dare you steal a girl out from under me!
Fez: First of all, I can do whatever I want. Second of all, when I stole her, she was not under you, she was under moi.
Fez: I was just shampooing this foxy girl Danielle, and the next thing I know, we're making out in the shampoo closet.
Hyde: Wait a second, you're trying to tell me that you were shampooing a girl and she got so horny, she had to make out with you in the shampoo closet? That doesn't sound real, man. That sounds like a mad lib.
Eric: Yeah, are you sure you weren't just kissing a mop? Cause, man, I've seen you do that.
Red: The Joy of Sex. What a load of crap!
Hyde: That book is for perverts, Red. You should give it to me so I could sell it to Fez.
Kitty: Red, the book is mine. I put it in the garage so you would find it.
Red: Uh oh! I'm late for work!
Kitty: No, no, no. I am serious. It's high-time you and I put some zip back in the bedroom.
Kelso (to Fez): Alright, so I spent the whole day thinking about what happened with Danielle. And I realized that I shouldn't be mad at you. I should be asking you for help.
Hyde: Holy crap, man. Now you're asking Fez for girl advice? Next thing you know Donna's gonna be asking Forman how to throw a ball!
Kelso: How can I lose a girl to you? You don't even speak English!
Fez: Well, look on the bright side. Danielle likes someone other than you.
Kelso: Why is that the bright side?
Fez: It's because buuuuuuurn!
Donna: Boys wanna playfight because they want to secretly touch each other.
Kelso: She's clearly a lunatic, which means she gonna be super hot in bed, so congratulations on that.
Kitty: Oh here's a fun idea. OK, instead of throwing away our old dish towels, we can use them as blindfolds and play a sexy bedroom version of Marco Polo! Hahaha!
Danielle: I choose Fez.
Fez: What are you, stupid?... I mean good choice.
Fez: Hey, get off! That's my lady!
Fez: You shut your hot little mouth!
Eric: Wow, this is, like, the slowest burn ever.
Hyde: This is how burns were in the 18th century, before electricity.
(while fighting on the couch)
Jackie: Get off of me, bigfoot!
Donna: Let go of my hair or I'll pound your tiny ass!
(Hyde pulls Donna off Jackie)
Eric: Spoil sport.
Hyde: Hey, yours was gonna kill mine.
Kelso: Say I had to catch my own food, right? But, I only ate really fast animals... My feet would eventually evolve into rockets.
Hyde: Man, it's amazing your brain doesn't evolve into pudding.
Kelso: You guys, I might have lost my mojo!
Fez: And I got it. I got your mojo... which reminds me, I also got your yo-yo's so...
Lindsay Lohan, the actress who plays Danielle, was dating Wilmer Valderrama (Fez) at the time this episode was produced.
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