That '70s Show

Season 7 Episode 7

Mother's Little Helper

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Nov 10, 2004 on FOX

Episode Recap

In the Forman kitchen, Red comes in and wants an explanation for why Eric has The Joy of Sex hidden in the garage. Hyde says it's for perverts; Kitty tells Red that it's hers and she put it in the garage so that he would find it. She wants to put some zip back into the bedroom; Red suggests a TV instead. [Scene change: Kitty in close up, Red bends over and looks at camera.] At the hair salon, Danielle, a customer, tells Fez she wants the full-Fez treatment; they flirt, and she tells him about a cute guy that she's supposed to date, but she's not sure about him. Fez tells her that she deserves better; he tells her that if he had a woman like her, he'd give her whatever she wanted. She decides that she should blow off her date and go out with a guy like him, and adds, "when I say 'a guy like you', I mean you." She then grabs his shirt, pulls him down to her and kisses him. [Opening credits.] [Scene change: Hyde, Jackie, Eric and Donna look up at the camera.] In the Forman basement, Hyde wrestles Eric; Jackie tells him to stop. Donna says that guys play fight because they secretly want to touch each other. Eric says she's just jealous because girls can't play fight; it always turns into a real fight. Donna and Jackie offer to demonstrate, and start to play fight, but it turns into a real fight. Hyde pulls Donna off Jackie; Eric calls him a spoil-sport, then tells Donna and Jackie that it was pathetic. They claim that it wasn't real, but then start to fight again. Fez comes running in and knows that there was a girl fight just by sniffing the air; he tells them about making out with the customer at the salon; Hyde says it sounds imaginary, and Eric agrees. He gives them more details, including her name, Danielle. Kelso comes in and tells the gang that he got stood up by Danielle who was supposed to meet him after her haircut. Hyde can't believe what a great day it is; first a girl-fight, and now this. Kelso decides that Danielle must be dead; Fez suggests that maybe she met someone else, but Kelso just scoffs at that. [Scene change: Kelso on a swing.] In the Forman kitchen, Red tells Kitty that they don't need a book to help them. She insists that it's not a dirty book, and points out that there are no pictures, only sketches. She reads out one of the suggestions - bedroom Marco Polo, using old dish towels as a blindfold. Eric comes in and asks what's for lunch. Kitty says she can't make lunch because she doesn't like to learn things from books. Eric is confused about what this means about lunch. Red says he doesn't see why he should have to learn about bodily functions from a book.. Kitty tells them that she's not cooking anything until Red reads the book, and storms out of the kitchen. Eric asks Red to please have kinky sex with Kitty. [Scene change: Fez dances towards the camera.] At The Hub, Fez and Danielle come in; Kelso comes out of the bathroom and sees them, and is shocked that Danielle is still alive. He asks why she blew off their date. Hyde and Eric watch and wonder when Kelso will get it. Fez explains that she dumped Kelso for him. [Scene change: Donna dances towards the camera, Jackie is on a swing.] In the Forman basement, Donna comes in and sits beside Jackie and bumps her. They start to argue, and Donna tells Jackie that she fights like a poor girl; the guys break it up. Donna leaves; Fez suggests that if this is going to keep on happening, they should invest in a video camera. Kelso comes in and asks how Fez dares to steal a girl from him and they start to fight; Eric tries to keep them apart. Hyde says that Kelso should be asking what he did, not what Fez did. Jackie suggests that he has lost his mojo; the guys ask him when he last made out with two girls at once, or kissed four girls in the same day. Kelso realizes that it's true; he's lost his mojo. [Scene change: Fez is on a swing.] At the muffler shop, Red and Eric eat chips and Eric comments that they're stale. Bob comes in and says he knows about Red and Kitty's problems; Red is shocked that Eric told him. Bob says that Red should take Kitty's request seriously, because Midge wanted to spice up their sex life, and that was just a sign of bigger problems. He tells Red that he has to deal with the bigger emotional problems. Red orders Eric to go listen to Kitty. [Scene change: Eric does push ups while Red looms over him.] At The Hub, Fez asks Danielle to tell him how much she likes him and she does, they kiss. [Scene change: Eric jumps up and does karate moves.] In the Forman living room, Eric asks Kitty what the problem is; she says that there isn't one, she just wants more adventurous sexual intercourse. Eric is uncomfortable with that and suggests that the call it "a walk in the park" so Kitty tell shim she wants "a walk in the park" in the kitchen, and on a Tuesday, and in the park. Eric tells her that she's playing it all wrong, because Red things there's a deeper emotional issue, so she should invent one and she can get what ever she wants, like a diamond. He compares it to The Price Is Right, and tells her that she's the contestant. Kitty just says that she also wants "a walk in the park" during The Price Is Right. [Scene change: Eric does push ups on the screen.] At the muffler shop, Eric comes in and tells Red to start studying, and hands him The Joy of Sex. Red is not happy with this. [Scene change: Red looms towards the camera.] In the Forman basement, Kelso comes in and tells Fez that he knows he shouldn't be mad at Fez, he should be asking for help. Hyde can't believe it, and points out that this would be like Donna asking Eric to teach her to throw a ball. Fez says that Danielle complained that Kelso doesn't listen; while he's explaining this, Kelso isn't listening to him. Donna comes in and tries to help explain, but Kelso just stares at her chest. Kelso says that he never needed to evolve listening skills because he's so good looking. Fez says he has no obligation to help him, but Kelso says Fez owes him for all the girlfriends friends that he set him up with. Fez demonstrates, and has Donna tell a girly story, and tells Kelso that he should repeat back what Donna says. As she talks, Kelso thinks about firecrackers, and Spider-Man, and his muscles. Donna stops talking and tells Kelso that he's not listening. Fez adds that Kelso should look at the girl when she talks. Donna asks how Kelso ever got a girl; he says he stares until they stop talking then kisses them. He then stares at Donna and tries to kiss her, but she slaps him. [Scene change: Kelso struts towards the camera; Donna dances across the screen.] In the Forman living room, Red comes in and tells Kitty that he's willing to try page 46. Kitty thanks him, and then takes a look at the page, and is impressed that Red is willing to try something so fancy. Red, surprised, takes the book from her and then tells her that he meant pate 47, and she's not to try any funny-business while he's asleep. [Scene change: Kelso crawls across the screen.] At The Hub, Danielle talks to Kelso; he looks at her while she talks, and seems to be listening intently. She kisses him; Fez comes in and sees them, and yells at them. He tells Danielle to choose between him and Kelso, although he feels certain that she'll choose Kelso. However, she chooses Fez; Kelso asks why, and she says that she has a thing for guys who boss her around. She goes out; Kelso tells Fez that Danielle is clearly a lunatic, which means that she'll be good in bed, but punches Fez anyway for stealing her. Fez punches him back for stealing her too. As they play fight, then hug, Donna and Jackie come in and see them, and wonder how guys can play fight. They end up arguing over it, and start to fight. [End credits: In the Forman living room, Eric slides down the banister and gets the newspaper. He smells bacon cooking in the kitchen and goes in; the camera is on his face, and we hear Kitty saying "Marco" and Red answering "Polo" Eric screams and runs out of the kitchen and upstairs in horror.]