In the Forman basement, Fez comes in with Hilary and introduces her as his girlfriend; Donna and Hyde don't believe him and ask if he found her wandering around at an accident scene, but Fez points out that she has no bruises or scratches. They kiss, and then Fez notices that everyone is staring at him and Hilary, so he asks for some privacy; Donna points out that he never gives her and Randy any privacy, and Randy agrees. An older man walks into the basement and asks where Samantha is; Hyde asks who he is, and the guy introduces himself as Sam's husband. Hyde calls Sam, who comes out of the bedroom and is shocked to see Larry, her husband, standing there. She tries to explain to Hyde, saying that both Larry and Hyde are her husbands. Donna points out to Hyde that when he married a stripper, this probably wasn't the type of threesome that he was expecting.
[Scene change: Hyde's face in a close up shot, Randy jumps up behind him.]
In the Forman basement, Hyde asks Sam about his marriage to her; Sam tells him that Larry offered her an apartment and a Camaro, so what was she supposed to say, but then adds that she really loves Hyde. Hyde tells her that she should have said no. Larry points out that even after Sam left him, she kept using his credit cards, and that's how he found her. Donna laughs and tells Hyde that his marriage isn't legal and it's hilarious.
[Scene change: Donna struts towards the camera.]
In the Forman kitchen, Bob comes in and tells Red and Kitty that a Muffler Master is going to be opening in Point Place; Kitty says that Red's business will be okay, but Red doesn't agree, pointing out that Muffler Master crushes everyone. Kitty says that Red is friendly and gives personal service to his customers, then suggests that he could have a Sale-abration and give out muffins to encourage customers to come in and buy things.
[Scene change: Jackie jumps in the air, Fez blows kisses at the camera.]
At Fez and Jackie's apartment, Hilary is just leaving; Jackie tells Donna that it's unbelievable that Fez has a girlfriend, Donna has a boyfriend, and Jackie has no one. She can't believe that she's alone while unattractive people have dates, and says that she needs a boyfriend. She decides to make a list of all the qualities that she's looking for in a man; Fez points out that he did the same thing, but for candy. Jackie's list for her perfect man is: Olympic gold medalist; doesn't talk to the help; and doesn't look like Eric. Donna points out that Jackie might get farther if she's a little more realistic, and Jackie agrees, and changes her list to: no fatties and no baldies.
[Scene change: Donna jumps in the air, Jackie twirls around.]
In the Forman basement, Hyde comes in; Sam and Larry are there, and Hyde asks why they haven't left yet. Sam tells him that she loves him, not Larry, but Hyde doesn't believe her. Every time that Larry tries to speak, he's told to shut up, so he leaves, and then Hyde goes to his room, angry.
[Scene change: Red walks across the screen, Kitty dances.]
At Red's muffler shop, Kitty tells Red that it's her fault that they've had slow business today, because she used margarine in the muffins instead of butter. Bob tells Red that he should have taken his advice and turned the shop into an adult bookstore, because those places are always busy. A customer comes in; Kitty tells Red to be nice to him and if all else fails, tell the customer that he has a fake leg, because there's an orderly at the hospital who has a fake leg, and he gets everything he wants. Red speaks to the customer, and mentions that while he might get half-price at Muffler Master, he won't get the personalized service there that he'll get with Red. The customer is surprised to learn that he'll get half-price at Muffler Master and leaves to go there.
At Fez and Jackie's apartment, Jackie finishes her list and reads it off to Donna, Fez and Hilary; her perfect guy must be a gentleman (Hilary points out that Fez is a gentleman, as he's always opening doors for her); he must have a sense of humor (Hilary says that Fez has a great sense of humor, and told the funniest joke this morning); and he must be interested in women's shoes (Hilary says that Fez loves women's shoes and reminds him that he tried hers on just last night.) Fez and Hilary go to his room; Donna tells Jackie that she knows who the perfect guy for Jackie is. Jackie guesses that it's Elton John, because he fits all the items on her list and he doesn't have a girlfriend; Donna tells her no, it's Fez, but Jackie thinks this is ridiculous.
[Scene change: Red looms towards the camera.]
In the Forman kitchen, Red comments that the Sale-abration was a disaster, and not only did he not sell anything, he also managed to send customers to his competitor. Hyde tells Red that his problem of not really being married to his wife is worse. Red says that he's too old to go back out on the job market, and Kitty suggests that he could retire, but Red doesn't like that idea, as he can't afford to retire.
[Scene change: Donna peers at the camera, Randy falls away from the camera.]
At Fez and Jackie's apartment, Donna tells Randy that Fez is Jackie's perfect man but Jackie is in denial over it; Jackie denies that she's in denial. Jackie points out that she and Fez are complete opposites, like Beauty and The Beast. Donna tells her that Beauty and The Beast ended up together; Jackie says that there was other stuff on the list too, like that her perfect man has to buy her presents, compliment her and come when she calls. Fez immediately comes out of his room and asks if she called him, then compliments her and gives her a present.
In the Forman driveway, Donna and Hyde are playing basketball; Donna asks what he's going to do about the situation with Sam, and Hyde says that he doesn't know. He points out that he can't trust her, but then again, he's just a small-town loser with two stints in juvie, so what does he know? Donna points out that Sam makes Hyde happy, and that's important. Hyde decides to let the basketball make the decision for him: if he makes the shot, he'll stay with Sam, and if he misses, then it's goodbye. He throws the ball and it sticks between the back board and the hoop; Donna comments that God has a weird sense of humor.
[Scene change: Kitty waves up at the camera.]
In the Forman living room, Red tells Kitty that he went to Muffler Master and warned them not to open a shop near his store, and that they told him that they were going to open one right across the street from his shop. He warned them that he wouldn't give up, so they offered to buy his shop and he said no. Kitty is happy to hear this; Red then tells her that they offered him more money, and he still said no, so they offered him even more money and he said yes. He shows her the check and she's shocked at how much it's for; Red says that he's decided to retire, and with this money, he should be able to do it. Kitty suggests that they celebrate and Red agrees; she runs for the stairs, but Red is heading for the front door. He sees where Kitty is going and realizes what she meant, and says that they can get a steak later.
[Scene change: Hyde jumps up towards the camera.]
At Red's muffler shop, Red is packing up and tells Hyde that he doesn't care what Muffler Master does; Hyde says that he's talked to Sam and told her that it would be a mistake for them to stay together. Sam comes in and says that she just wanted to say goodbye to Hyde; they hug, and she leaves. Red tells Hyde that while he was in Korea, he dodged a lot of bullets but he's never dodged one as big and as crazy as the one that Hyde just did. Hyde laughs and tells Red that retirement is going to be great, all he has to do is sleep in and lie around doing nothing, and he can give Red some pointers if he wants. Red agrees that retirement will be good, and shares a beer with Hyde to celebrate.
[Scene change: Jackie jumps in the air and blows kisses at the camera.]
In Jackie's bedroom, she's in bed, asleep and dreaming... she's dressed as a princess and rings the bell at a castle; Fez, dressed as The Beast, answers the door and calls her Beauty. She tells him that everyone thinks he's perfect for her; they both laugh over that idea, then she kisses him on the cheek. He suddenly changes into a handsome prince; Jackie/Beauty is surprised to see him like this, and realizes that everyone is right, and he ~is~ hot, and handsome, and the perfect one for her. They kiss... Jackie smiles in her sleep, then wakes up to find Fez sitting on the side of her bed, watching her. He asks if she's okay, as she was moaning in her sleep. She says that she's fine; just then, Hilary's voice can be heard from the next room, telling Fez to come back to bed. He responds that he's on his way, and calls her "my Beauty."
[End credits: At The Beast's castle, Fez, dressed as The Beast, returns home from work. Hilary is there, dressed as a princess, and asks him how his day was. He tells her what he did at work, and asks if she's made his favorite dinner, macaroni and children? She takes the lid off a huge pot, and Bob is inside, stewing. He comments that he smells good and asks them to save a piece of him for him.]