In the Forman kitchen, Kitty asks if they're all ready for trip to the University of Wisconsin, Eric says yes, and that Donna's going to buy a sweater and he's going to watch her wear it; Hyde says he's not going. Red tells him that he ~is~ going, as he doesn't trust Hyde enough to leave him alone in the house. Kitty starts wondering how Eric got old enough to go to university and then gets upset that she's so old herself. Donna comes over and tells Eric that she's not going because Bob has decided that she's not going to UW, he wants her to go to Marquette instead; Eric asks why, and Donna says that he thinks it's a better school, and it sounds French. Eric tells her that he'll go to Marquette too, but Red tells him that a State school is good enough for him, and cheaper too. Eric suggests that they could take out a second mortgage on the house to send him to Marquette; Red just laughs and says, "Not for you, dumb-ass."
[Scene change: Eric slides across the screen, and Donna dances in behind him.]
In Donna's bedroom, she tells Eric that nothing good will come of them going to different universities; Eric tells her that when they finally do see each other, it will be electric. Donna tells him that if they go to different schools, it will mean four years apart and it will be horrible; Eric points out that they go to different schools now, and their fine because their love is strong.
[Scene change: Eric falls away from the camera as Donna jumps in the air.]
In the Forman kitchen, Red tells Hyde and Eric that they need to talk about the horrible thing that's taken over Kitty; Eric says the change of life, and Hyde comments that he thought they were calling it the 'lady parts problem.' Red tells them that it's just like a Commie and can attack at any time; Kitty calls from the other room, and Hyde and Eric run away. She comes in to the kitchen; Red tells her that if she doesn't want to go to the university, he'll understand, and there's really no need for her to go. Kitty blows up and says that she knows what he's trying to do, and she's going, then asks why it's so hot in the kitchen, and that it's like living in hell. Red agrees.
In the Forman driveway, Jackie tells Hyde that when she goes to Marquette with Donna, there'll be a lot of good-looking boys there; Hyde says, "Lucky you." She promises that she won't do anything with the good-looking guys; Hyde doesn't say anything. Jackie tells him that she's promised him, not so that he'll make the same promise to her, but just so that he will know what her intentions are; Hyde tells her, "Good to know." Fez helps pack the car; Red tells him that he has a natural talent for handling luggage. Kitty comes out and tells them that she doesn't want to ruin the trip, so she's going to be in a good mood; Eric comments to Red that she's cheered up, but Red tells him not to be fooled, and that Kitty is like a ticking time bomb. Kelso comes running in through the garage; Red asks what he wants, and Kelso says that the instructions are pinned to his coat. Red takes the note from Kelso's coat and reads that his parents can't take him to the University of Wisconsin, so they'd like Red and Kitty to take him and have included 30 dollars for expenses. Red asks Kelso where the money is; Kelso says that he bought a football game to play on the ride there. Red comments that Kelso makes Eric look like Einstein, and Kelso laughs because, he says, Einstein was ugly.
In the Vista Cruiser, Kitty says it's too hot; Eric tells everyone not to breathe, and Kitty yells at him. Hyde tells Red that they've missed the exit; Red asks Eric what he's doing, as he was supposed to be giving directions; they all start to argue, and Kitty yells at them all to shut up.
At Marquette, Donna tells Jackie that coming to see the school was stupid, as she wants to go to UW, then says that she bets that the sluts at UW will laugh at Eric's jokes. Jackie is worried about Hyde, and says that he loves sluts. She tells Donna that she's worried about Hyde and how she tried to get him to promise not to do anything this weekend, but couldn't trick him into not fooling around, and that all he said was "good to know." She tells Donna that Hyde has crushed her spirit, but she'll get it back at the cheer leading demonstration.
At UW, Red wonders what kind of college it is, since there are barefoot hippies all over the place; Kelso thinks that it's awesome, as there are dirty cartoons on the walls, but Hyde points out that they're not dirty cartoons, they're CPR instructions. A guy comes over and introduces himself as Ted, the resident adviser, and says that he'll show the guys where they'll be staying this weekend. He tells the guys about a party; Red and Kitty look around and Red says that he's not sure about the university; Kitty says it needs decorations. A girl walks by wearing only a towel; Red is shocked that girls live in the dorm too; Ted tells him that it's a co-ed dorm. Red tells the guys that they're not staying at the dorm, they're going to be staying with him and Kitty at the hotel instead, and orders them all into the car. Kelso stands outside the bathroom door, and tells the girl inside that he's a CPR instructor, and wants to check her "lungs"; Red drags him out to the car.
[Scene change: Hyde, Fez and Kelso walk across the screen.]
At the hotel room, Red reads the university map looking for one all-male dorm on campus, and finally finds it between chapel and the school of interior design. Kitty admits that she may have been a little irrational today; Kelso asks, "A little?" and she screams at him to shut up. She then tells them that she's going to explain menopause to them, and uses the guest soaps from the bathroom as her ovaries; the guys aren't particularly interested. Eric mutters, "Kill me now," and Hyde tells him that he's on a beach in Florida right now. Kitty explains that about a month ago, her ovaries stopped producing... she stops and grabs the comic book out of Kelso's hands and throws it out the window. She asks him what's wrong with him, and if he was dropped on his head? Kelso tells her that he was, and most people are polite enough not to mention it. Red tells the guys to leave, and on his way out, Fez apologizes to Kitty for washing his face with her ovaries.
[Scene change: Fez walks across the screen.]
At UW, a girl tells Hyde that she's never made out with a guy with a beard, and asks if he'd like to make out with her? He says yes, but then changes his mind. She tells him that if he changes his mind again, she'll be in the shower; Fez tells her that he's available, but she ignores him. Hyde wonders why he turned the girl down and Fez wonders what Jackie's doing at Marquette. Hyde says that she promised not to do anything. Kelso tells a girl that CPR is going to be his major; Eric talks to another girl and tells her that he told his girlfriend that they'd be okay even if they went to different schools; she agrees and says that she and her boyfriend are at different schools and they're fine. A guy comes up to her and she kisses him; Eric stops her and asks about her boyfriend; she points out that he's not here. Eric tells Hyde that he was wrong about him and Donna going to different schools; Hyde tells Eric that he just turned down a drunk college girl.
[Scene change: Donna peers into the camera; Eric jumps in the air.]
In the hotel room, Eric calls Donna and asks how things are going? She asks if everything is okay, then tells him how great Marquette is. He tells her that he loves her and they end the conversation. Kitty is crying; she tells Red and Eric that The Waltons
were a real family, and they're just three strangers in a hotel room. Eric tells Red that Donna loves Marquette, so their relationship is screwed; Red says that they're all screwed, and no one can control what happens; he adds that if by some stroke of luck, Eric does manage to hold on to Donna, she'll just turn into ~that~ (pointing to Kitty), and then Eric will die. Eric sarcastically thanks him and leaves.
At Marquette, Jackie says that she hates it there and wants to go home. Donna asks what's wrong, and Jackie says that all she can think of is Hyde and how all he would say was "good to know." Donna tells her that she can't control Hyde the way that she did with Kelso, and that the only thing for her to do is pretend that she doesn't care, and Hyde will come around. Jackie agrees to give it a try, and tells Donna that she's so lucky that Eric isn't a real man.
[Scene change: Donna boogies to music.]
In the Forman kitchen, Kitty says that it was a wonderful weekend, and that they should do it more often; she goes into the living room, and Red follows her. Fez makes fun of Hyde, who tells him to shut up. Jackie comes in and Hyde tells her that he didn't do anything this weekend; Jackie doesn't say anything, so he tells her that he's not telling her to get her to say anything, he just wants her to know. Jackie says, "Good to know," then leaves.
In the Forman driveway, Eric is unpacking the car; Donna comes over and Eric tells her that he knows that she loves Marquette, and that if they drift apart, then that's the way that it has to be, and it doesn't matter anyway, because she'll get menopause, and he'll die and that will be it. Donna looks at him, then tells him that yes, she loved Marquette, and she was so excited about it all and wanted to tell him all about it, but then the drive back took so long, and she's decided that she doesn't want to be that far away from him. She says that she's going to tell Bob that she's not going to Marquette; she tells him that it will be great, and they can be together all the time. Eric asks her if she's going to get all clingy now, and points out that he'll be a big college man.
[End credits: In the Forman kitchen, Kelso comes in; Red asks what he wants, and Kelso says that the instructions are on his lapel. Red reads the note that says he's supposed to give Kelso 30 dollars to pay for the football game that he threw out the car window; the note is signed, "My Parents." Kitty laughs and leaves the kitchen; Red tells Kelso that he made Kitty laugh, and that's worth 30 dollars, and gives him the money.]