In the Vista Cruiser, Donna and Eric are making out; Donna stops and asks Eric when Red is going to give him back the keys so that they can actually ~go~ somewhere (the camera pulls back and we see that they're parked in the Forman driveway), and then tells Eric that he was stupid to tell Red that he smokes too. She asks how long he has until his curfew, and Eric looks at his watch and tells her that he has one minute left. He is about to kiss her when Red appears at the driver's side door, and counts down the seconds, then orders Eric to get into the house, and calls him a pot-head.
[Scene change: Red pounds on the screen and yells.]
In the Forman kitchen, Red yells at Eric and tells him that if he had a quarter for every time that Eric made out with Donna, he'd be rich; Eric says that he wishes he had a quarter for every time that Red embarrassed him, and Red agrees with that, and says that if Eric did, then he'd be rich and could leave. Laurie tells Red that the boys need structure; she gets up to leave, and when Kitty asks where she's going, she says that she's off to night church. Red stops her and says that the curfew is for everyone, and adds that what the boys did was wrong, but she was seeing Kelso and that was ... unpleasant. Laurie claims that she wasn't seeing Kelso, but both Eric and Hyde say that that's a lie; Eric tells Hyde that the one good thing about this is that he took Laurie down with him; he and Hyde leave the room, and Laurie also storms out, saying that she hates them all. Kitty tells Red that she doesn't like the way that he's treating the boys; he asks if she has any better ideas, and she suggests that he be less strict and more loving. Red thinks she's being sarcastic.
[Scene change: Fez dances on the screen.]
In the Forman basement, the gang is sitting silently, watching TV, and thinking to themselves. Hyde thinks "don't look at me" in Jackie's direction, and she thinks "Look at me" in his. Donna sits and counts her teeth; Fez finds something on the floor that he thinks is an M&M and eats it, but it's not, so he spits it out. Eric thinks that his life sucks; Kelso thinks that he's the prettiest one in the room... no, the city... no, the state! And Red sits and glares at them, thinking, "Dumb-asses!" Kitty comes in and tells them that Red is going to drive her to work, and leaves a box of crafts for them to occupy themselves with; Red tells them not to even think of doing anything bad, because one of them is a snitch. Fez looks through the box and pulls out a model airplane with a tube of glue; Red takes the glue from him.
[Scene change: Jackie jumps in the air.]
In the Forman basement, Fez sits alone on the sofa; Kitty comes down and asks where Hyde and Eric are; Fez tells her that they went to The Hub, then realizes that he's the snitch. Kitty says that Red will be furious; Fez asks if he can tell her a story about oppression, and proceeds to tell her about his ant farm, where the ants wouldn't build tunnels, so he stirred everything up, and then they did, because they feared him, but then they escaped and attacked him, so he killed them all. Kitty asks if he means that they're being too strict with the kids, but Fez just says no, he simply wanted to tell her about his ants. Kitty kisses his forehead and tells him that he's a good boy; she goes upstairs and Fez sits back and says, "All the ladies want a piece of Fez!"
In the Forman living room, Red nails Christmas bells on the front door; Kitty asks what he's doing, and when he explains that the bells are an alarm system so no one can sneak out, Kitty gets upset that he's using her Christmas decorations for an unhappy purpose. She sits down and says that they should all watch TV as that will make them happy; she turns on The Brady Bunch Variety Hour
, and says that it's nice. Eric turns to Hyde and asks if he remembers the episode of The Brady Bunch
when Mr. Brady went insane and nailed bells to all the doors; Red asks if they remember the episode where Greg was a smart-ass and Mr. Brady cleaned his clock? Laurie asks if they remember the episode where she hated living there, then goes upstairs. Eric also goes upstairs, telling Red that he should get his licks in now, because when he's gone, he's gone. Red and Kitty look at Hyde who tells them that he has nowhere to go; they glare at him until he leaves the room. Red watches TV for a moment, then decides that it's crap and leaves the room as well. Kitty imagines... The Forman Bunch Variety Hour, where she, Red, Eric, Laurie, Hyde and Donna are dancing and singing (I've Got The Music In Me); Kitty announces a skit, but Eric and Hyde say that they're not doing it because they're running away from home. Red applauds; Shirley Jones comes on stage; Eric and Hyde call her mom, and when Kitty is shocked, they tell her that they're Partridges now. Kitty tells them that they can't live on a bus, as there's no toilet; Shirley says that that's true, but they do get to spend a lot of time together, and Eric points out that Mrs. Partridge quit her job to spend time with her family. Shirley tells Kitty that it's all a matter of choices, and Kitty has simply chosen to be a bad mother. Laurie comes out and asks if she can be a Partridge too, but Shirley tells her that there are no whores on her show. Shirley leaves with Hyde and Eric; Charo comes out and begins to "coochie-coo"...
Kitty tells herself that she simply won't let that happen; she watches TV for a moment and then realizes that Red was right, and it ~is~ crap.
[Scene change: Eric falls towards the screen.]
Outside the Forman house, Eric drops to the ground from his window, and thinks that he's been successful in escaping from the house; he turns around only to find Red standing behind him. Red takes Eric back inside.
In the Forman kitchen, Red tells Eric that playtime is over, and that his friends are no longer allowed in the house. Eric goes upstairs; Kitty suggests that they should try some forgiveness instead of harsh discipline, but Red tells her that if he doesn't discipline Eric, he can just imagine what Eric will turn out like... in the kitchen, 10 years in the future, Kitty calls Eric for breakfast, and he comes in dressed in full KISS regalia.
Red tells Kitty that Eric was desperate enough to try to sneak out of the house, and that means that the discipline is working.
In Eric's bedroom, he goes in, and finds Donna sitting on his bed; he's pleasantly surprised, as he didn't know that she delivered. He sits down and starts to kiss her, but just as he does, the doorknob rattles, and Red announces that he's doing a bed-check. Donna hurriedly looks for a place to hide, and ends up hiding behind the door when Red and Kitty come in; Kitty says that they're not doing a bed-check, they just came in to say good-night; as she's saying this, Red is nailing the window shut. Eric asks what he's supposed to do if there's a fire, and Red suggests that he could light his dope with it. Donna runs out of the room while Red and Kitty have their backs turned; she runs to...
In Laurie's bedroom, Kelso is making out on the bed with Laurie; Donna runs in, and Laurie tells her to get lost, but Kelso grabs her arm and tells Laurie not to be so hasty. Donna tells them that Red is doing bed-checks, and there's a knock on Laurie's door. Donna and Kelso quickly hide under the bed, and Laurie pretends to be saying her prayers at the end of the bed. When Red opens the door, she's asking God to bless Mommy and Daddy... she turns and acts surprised to see them there. Red apologizes for interrupting her, and Kitty rolls her eyes. They leave.
In the Forman basement, Hyde is sitting with Jackie and Fez; Jackie tells Hyde that he's protecting himself by hating her, and he should let go and let her be his safety line. He tells her to get lost; Kitty announces that they're coming down, and Red tells her to stop yelling and warning Hyde. Jackie and Fez run and hide in a side room; Red checks the back door and then he and Kitty go upstairs. Fez looks out and whispers to Jackie that Red and Kitty are still there, and they want their pants.
In the Forman kitchen, Red asks Kitty to listen; she only hears silence, which he thinks is good, but she thinks it sounds like a prison. Kitty tells him that the household is miserable, and she doesn't like it that way, but Red tells her that it's all good, and his way is working. As he's talking, Kitty sees the gang behind him, sneaking out of the house; Eric is in the driver's seat of the Vista Cruiser, and everyone else is pushing it out of the driveway. Kitty tells Red that his way ~isn't~ working, and shows him what's going on behind him.
In the Forman driveway, Red and Kitty come out of the house; Red announces that they need more discipline and playtime is over, and Kitty tells him to stop saying that. She says that she wants her house back, and when Red asks if he's supposed to just pretend that nothing happened, Kitty says yes. She announces that she's going to stay home full-time and look after things, and that's how she plans to get her happy house back. Kitty goes back into the house, and Eric tells Red that playtime is over; Red glares at him, and Eric apologizes.
[End credits: On the set of The Forman Bunch Variety Hour, Kitty, Charo and Gene Simmons sing Sunrise, Sunset
from Fiddler On The Roof