In the Forman kitchen, Hyde wonders about what he did; Red says he got married and with Eric gone, he's now the town dumb ass. Kitty asks how he could do that? Hyde says that he and Sam hung out for three weeks, and got really drunk one night, and he woke up and thought that he had better get out before he did something stupid. Sam comes in with wedding pictures from the 'Weddings and Waffles' chapel where they were married by an Elvis impersonator. Hyde says that he remembered seeing altars and crosses, but thought he was having an Exorcist
dream. Kelso comes in looking for the stripper, and kisses Hyde for marrying her. Hyde says that he has to go to the record store. Kelso tells him that he's living every guys dream, although it's not his dream, because his dream is always the same: a monkey gives him the finger and then makes him take his clothes off. He tells Hyde that he doesn't want to have ~that~ dream. They two of them leave for the record store.
[Scene change: Kelso jumping across the screen.]
At the record store, the door is locked and Hyde wonders why; Kelso says maybe it's Rosh Hashanah. They go in and Leo has a group of hippies there. Hyde asks what Leo did to his record store; Leo is confused and says, "Now that you mention it, this place would make an awesome record store."
[Scene change: Leo looks up at the camera and makes a 'come on' motion.]
At the record store, Hyde tells Leo that he left him in charge and can't believe that Leo let all his friends use the store for their stoner party; Leo says that he doesn't know these people. Hyde tells Leo to get rid of them, and goes to his office. He comes back out and says that there's an orgy going on in his office.
[Scene change: Kelso struts towards the camera.]
In the Forman basement, Donna wonders who just marries a stripper; Fez says any guy would do that. Jackie comes in and says that they're going out, and tells Donna to change. Jackie informs them that she's not going to mope about Hyde; she's going to do what every woman does - she's going to go out, meet boys and break their hearts.
[Scene change: Fez jumping in the air.]
In the Forman kitchen, Sam is doing her toes at the kitchen table; Kitty comes in and comments on it, sarcastically saying that she just made a meatloaf in the bathroom. Kitty asks about Sam's act, if she sings, or dances tap. Sam says that she strips to Taps as her tribute to the armed forces. As she demonstrates the tribute, Red comes in just in time to see her smacking her fanny. Sam leaves, and Kitty tells Red that she's not sure about having a stripper in their home; Red says that Hyde didn't know what he was doing when he married her. Kitty agrees that Hyde made a huge mistake, and tells Red to kick her out.
At the record store, the hippies leave; Kelso says that as a police officer, he confiscated a lot of stuff; Hyde says that they're hooked up for two months. Hyde says he's going to have to fire Leo but doesn't know how to do it....
In the back room of the record store, in the circle, Hyde says this is 'gooder', and then fires Leo; Leo says "I think the word you're looking for is 'fried' man," then, when he understands what Hyde is telling him, says he deserves it. Kelso says that he's under arrest too, but he's only joking. He holds up a pair of handcuffs and says that they aren't even real, and demonstrates by putting them on himself. After closing them, he realizes that they're the real handcuffs. A guy (Randy) comes in with the "Help Wanted" sign and asks if they're still hiring. Leo explains that he was looking for help in opening a jar of pickles. The guy says that it's a bummer because if this is a staff meeting, he'd work his butt off; Hyde hires him and rehires Leo too.
[Scene change: Hyde stands and looks at the camera while Jackie dances.]
At a bar, Jackie shows up in her man-catcher dress; Donna asks if it comes with a pimp. Jackie sees a cute guy at the bar and goes to make him wish he were dead. He asks for her hot blonde friend's name, and goes over to say hi to Donna. He's Mark, and compliments Donna's smile. Fez says thank you. He tells her that Donna means "lady" in Italian, and Belladonna means "fine lady." He asks her to play pool; Donna tells him that she has a boyfriend, but then quickly adds that he's in Africa. Mark speaks more Italian to her, so she goes off to play pool with him. Fez says Jackie still has him, then a woman (Kim) comes up and asks him to dance; Fez leaves Jackie in a flash.
[Scene change: Hyde jumps towards camera.]
In the Forman kitchen, Kelso tells Sam that Hyde wussed out on firing Leo, and hired some new guy. She says she understands because Hyde's just a sweet guy who likes to be tickled. She tells Hyde that he has great instincts, and he'll figure out what to do. Kelso asks to see her boobs. Kitty comes in and asks if Red spoke to her, but he didn't, Kitty laughs nervously and leaves the room.
At the bar, Fez listens to Kim talk about her problems and why she always needs sex. Jackie is drunk and still can't believe that Mark rejected her, saying that she's the hottest girl there. She tells Mark that she's the catch of Point Place. She yells at him as he walks away, saying that no one ignores Jerky Backheart...as she talks, her dress falls off her shoulder, exposing her breasts to everyone in the bar. Donna tries to get her attention, but Jackie won't listen. Donna finally whispers in her ear, and Jackie realizes what everyone is staring at.
[Scene change: Fez jumping up towards the camera.]
In the Forman basement, Sam is unpacking; Red comes downstairs and she shows him her panties that she wears while stripping, telling him that these are the best for holding dollar bills. Red, clearly uncomfortable, goes upstairs to find her a wallet.
At the record store, Hyde and Kelso come in; Hyde wants to talk to Randy, intending to fire him. Randy tells him that they were overstocked with Allman Brothers albums, so he told everyone that Leo's one of the Allman brothers. He points out that Leo has no idea of what's going on. Randy says that Kelso might be pretty enough to pass off as Cher, Kelso calls Randy Andy Gibb. Hyde then realizes that he can't fire Leo, and he can't fire Randy either, because he' s good at promos. Leo comes over and tells them that one of the Allman brothers is at the store.
[Scene change: Hyde's face in a close up shot.]
In the Forman kitchen, Hyde tells Sam about work, she says he was telling his wife about his day; Hyde says it didn't suck. Kitty and Red come in and want to talk to him about his marriage; Red says for Hyde to get his head out of his ass; that he and Sam barely know each other. Kitty says that if this isn't what Hyde wants, he should say so now; Sam agrees and offers to leave. Hyde says no, it's cool. Kitty isn't too happy that Sam is staying. Kelso hops in with his hand handcuffed to his ankle and tells them that he drove here that way.
At the bar, Jackie is locked in the bathroom; Donna convinces her to come out saying that no one even saw her. Mark comes up from behind Kim and hugs her while Donna's talking to Jackie through the bathroom door, and the two of them admit that they're married to each other and come to bars on weekends to watch each other pick up other people in order to spice up their love life. Donna admits that she and Eric tried that once; Fez seems shocked by their deception at first, but then tells them, "See you next weekend."
[Scene change: Hyde dances towards camera.]
In the Forman basement, Hyde says Sam is pretty cool, explaining that she gave him a beer and listened to him talk about work. Donna says that's what husbands and wives do. Jackie comes in and says that she and Hyde are through, since he went off and married someone else. She says that she tried to force both Kelso and Hyde to marry her, and last night she threw herself at some guy that she didn't even know. She says she's done with guys completely. Kelso is impressed that Hyde screwed her up so bad that she's switching to chicks, and they high-five each other.
[End credits: At the bar, Kim tells Fez that she's been thinking about him all week, and kisses him; Mark watches them. Fez says that it's too creepy even for him and leaves. Kim and Mark kiss, but Fez comes back in and tells them that he's decided that he's okay with this.]
Of note in this episode
In the original airing, there were no opening credits as this was shown as the second half of a one-hour season opener with Bohemian Rhapsody