In the upstairs hallway of the Pinciotti house, Eric and Donna talk about their wedding; Eric confesses that he wants to do the Bunny-Hop at the wedding reception and Donna tells him he can as long as she can come in under an archway of cupcakes. She opens the door to her bedroom, and Donna hastily covers Eric's eyes and makes him turn around so that he won't see the wedding dress lying on her bed. As she puts it away in the closet, she tells him that it's bad luck for him to see the dress before the wedding, adding that the whole wedding business is one big minefield. Eric asks if they can have sex, but Donna says that it would be more bad luck to break their celibacy vow now. They take the wedding rings that they picked up out to look at, and Eric asks if it's bad luck to do that. Donna tells him no, she needs to see the inscription he got so that she can get it fixed before the wedding. Eric reads his: "To Eric, Love Donna" and comments that it's a little terse...rude, even. Donna reads hers: "All my friends know the Low-Rider" and is puzzled by just what Eric means by this, wondering if he's trying to say that she's a whore? Eric tells her that Low Rider [by War, 1975] was the song that was playing on the radio at the end of their first date; he then reminisces about the dress she wore, and their kiss, and how he couldn't believe that she was with him. Donna tells him that that's the most romantic thing that she's ever heard, and tells Eric to take his pants off. Eric comments that ~that's~ the most romantic thing he's ever heard.
[Scene change: Donna and Eric dancing.]
In the Forman driveway, Hyde, Kelso listen as Eric tells them about breaking the celibacy vow with Donna. Hyde scornfully tells him, "Wow, you got your girlfriend to have sex with you....what is your secret?" When Eric sarcastically asks if either of them has ever had sex with his girlfriend, Kelso says no, but he's had sex with Hyde's girlfriend! Red pulls into the driveway in the Toyota, with a canoe strapped onto the roof. Bob gets out and tells the guys and Kitty that Red had a few beers and bought it at the auction. Kitty, upset, asks Red how he paid for it and he tells her that he used the money that she'd given him yesterday. Kitty tells him that that money was supposed to be for him to buy a wedding present for Eric; but now he'll have to get something appropriate with no money.
In Donna's bedroom, Jackie sits and brushes her hair. Eric comes in to get the jacket that he left behind, and tells Jackie about the breaking of the celibacy vow. She leaves, and Eric goes to the closet to get his coat, but sees Donna's wedding dress instead. He reaches out to pull it out of the closet and it catches on something and rips.
[Scene change: Eric jumping.]
In the Forman basement, in the circle, Eric tells the guys that there must be a way to keep Donna from finding out about the ripped dress; he then comes up with the idea of destroying the Earth. Kelso tells him that this is a complicated plan, so Kelso will lend him some sketches; Hyde thinks it's an awesome idea. Fez is smelling Donna's wedding dress and when Eric tries to stop him, he tells Eric that he's going to do it at some point, either now or at the wedding.
[Scene change: Hyde and Kelso on swings, Eric walks by.]
In the Forman driveway, Hyde, Fez and Kelso stand looking at the canoe. Hyde comments that Kitty told him to get it out of her sight, and he takes that to mean that they have a free canoe. He asks what they can do with it, and Kelso raises his hand, saying that he has a great idea.
At the top of Mt. Hump, Kelso sits in the canoe while Hyde and Fez keep it from going down the mountain side. They ask Kelso what he's going to use to steer the canoe and he holds up the paddle. Fez suggests that Kelso wear a helmet, but Kelso tells them that he's not falling for that trick. Hyde and Fez let go of the canoe, but it doesn't budge; Kelso gets out and kicks the canoe, causing it to careen down the mountain. As they watch it crash through trees and land at the bottom, Kelso, disappointed, says, "Wow, that could have been me!"
[Scene change: Jackie and Donna dancing.]
In Donna's bedroom, Jackie is looking at Donna's wedding ring and decides that the inscription means that Eric is calling her a whore. Donna notices that her wedding dress is missing from the closet; Jackie blames Eric, saying that someone has to blame him.
[Scene change: Kitty dances as Red walks across the screen.]
In the Forman kitchen, Red sits at the kitchen table polishing his shoes. He suggests that he can give Eric his old baseball glove as a wedding present, as that's a sentimental present. Kitty says no, he can't give Eric anything to do with sports. Red says that he'll just go to the space toy store, and leaves. Eric comes in with the ripped wedding dress and shows it to Kitty, asking if she can fix it. She says that she thinks she can, and Eric puts it on the table - on top of the black shoe polish that Red had been using, creating a huge black stain on the dress. Kitty says that she thinks she can clean it and starts to leave with the dress, but Eric's foot is on the bottom of it, and it rips again as she walks away.
[Scene change: Donna on a swing.]
In the Forman kitchen, Kitty tells Eric that she'll need some club soda, lemon and vodka. Eric asks if that's for the dress, and Kitty tells him no, it's for her - she needs a drink. Donna calls Eric's name from outside, so Eric hastily hides the wedding dress in the fridge. She comes in and asks if he knows anything about her missing wedding dress; he tells her that if she lost it, it's her fault. She leaves and Eric takes the dress out of the fridge, only to see a large red stain on it from something in the fridge. Kitty tells him that one day, he'll laugh about all this -- of course, he'll be single, because Donna is never going to marry him now.
At Mt. Hood, the guys are trying the canoe again, with Kelso suggesting that this time, they should push the canoe to give it a running start, and he'll jump in like a bobsledder. Hyde insists that Kelso wear a helmet, but Kelso says that they've pulled too many pranks on him involving a helmet and he's not falling for it this time. Hyde, giving up, says, "I've become the boy who cried helmet." They push the canoe towards the edge, but Kelso doesn't jump in - he just keeps running off the edge of the mountain side on his own.
In the Forman basement, Eric is sitting on the freezer; Kitty comes downstairs and asks where the wedding dress is, asking if it's still in the washer? Eric tells her no, the washer finished a while ago, and now it's in the dryer. Kitty is horrified, and asks how long ago he put it in there; just then, the dryer buzzes. They pull the dress out, and it's grey and completely shrunken. Kitty tells Eric to look on the bright side, that maybe grey is a more honest color for Donna.
In the Forman kitchen, Fez is making a sandwich. Donna comes in and asks if he knows anything about her wedding dress, since he likes to hang out in her closet. Fez runs downstairs to tell Eric; Eric tells Fez to tell Donna that he took it. Fez goes back up and tells Donna that he took it, and she asks why? He runs downstairs again; Eric tells him to say that he took it because he's a pervert. Fez says that Donna will kill him and wants something for his troubles. Eric agrees that Fez can have a dance solo at the wedding reception, so Fez goes back upstairs and tells Donna that he took it because he's a pervert. She threatens to kill him, so he runs downstairs again, and Donna follows. She sees her dress when she gets downstairs and asks what happened. Eric admits that he destroyed it.
[Scene change: Fez dancing.]
In the Forman driveway, the guys are tying the canoe to the back of Hyde's car. Jackie tells Hyde that if he does this, he'll get hurt, but he points out that he'll be driving the car, it's Kelso who's going to be in the canoe. This time, they all insist that Kelso must wear a helmet, and he finally agrees. Red and Bob stand in the backyard, and admire Kelso's nerve in doing all the stupid things that no one else will do. Donna comes out and shows her ruined wedding dress to Bob; he tells her that he'll buy her a new one. But she doesn't want a new dress; this was the one that she liked. They all have to run to get out of the way as Kelso's run-away canoe comes flying back into the driveway, and Donna drops the dress as she runs. Kelso finally comes to a stop; he sees the ruined dress and thinks it's his fault.
[Scene change: Kelso and Donna dancing.]
In the Forman livingroom, Red comes downstairs and tells Kitty that he's come up with the perfect gift - one of his medals from the war. She tells him no, and also vetoes his suggestions of his gun, his uniform, or his boots from the war, telling him that he can't give Eric anything that he had on or near him when he killed anyone. He then suggests that he give Eric his father's ring; Kitty thinks this is a great idea, until Red adds, "the one that he wore in World War 1 when he killed people."
In Donna's bedroom, Eric apologizes for ruining the wedding dress. Donna asks why he kept on after the first rip and the first stain; Eric explains that it had become personal by that time - him against the dress. Donna says that it's all because they had sex, but Eric tells her, "No, bad things happen because I am stupid." Bob comes in, holding a big box. He opens it to reveal Midge's wedding dress, which Donna loves. Eric reaches towards it, but Donna tells him not to touch it.
[End credits: In the Forman kitchen, Red comes up with the perfect gift for Eric, telling Eric that he'll give him some timeless advice: Never come home drunk with a canoe. Kitty points out that this is actually good advice. Kelso comes in and announces that he's figured out how to get the canoe down the mountainside .....but he'll need their snow blower and all of their butter.]