That '70s Show

Season 6 Episode 4

The Acid Queen

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Nov 19, 2003 on FOX

Episode Recap

At The Hub, Fez comes out of the bathroom and tells the guys that he overheard two girls talking in the Ladies' Room about how they don't want to go to college as virgins, so his new plan is to hunt horny virgins. Brooke comes in and starts talking to some people; Kelso points her out to the guys and tells them that she's the girl he did it with in the bathroom at the Molly Hatchet concert, but the guys don't believe him. Kelso, in an effort to prove it, goes over to Brooke and asks her to confirm his story to his friends. She tells him that she doesn't even know who he is, and leaves. The guys all laugh at Kelso. [Opening credits.] In the Forman basement, Kelso comes in and complains about Brooke denying his story, then asks Donna how she knows Brooke. Donna says that they both worked on the school paper together, but Kelso thinks that they both probably belong to a secret "Hot Girls" club. The gang starts discussing the possibility of such a club existing; Jackie notices that Hyde isn't saying much and asks if he thinks Brooke is hot. She tells him that she won't get mad whatever his answer is, and when he says yes, she hits him and tells him to take it back. [Scene change: Donna leans forward and kisses the camera.] In the Forman driveway, Fez asks Jackie if any of her friends are virgins; she advises him to go to the local house of worship in order to find virgins. In Donna's bedroom, she is lying on the bed studying. Kelso runs in and starts looking through all her desk drawers for Brooke's phone number, then asks Donna for help in finding Brooke. She gives him hints about where to find Brooke, but Kelso doesn't get it, so, when he grabs a pair of her underwear from her dresser drawer and holds them hostage, she tells him that Brooke works at the library. In the Forman livingroom, Red, Kitty, Hyde and Jackie are watching tv; Jackie comments that Robert Redford is hot and Hyde agrees with her. Kitty comments that she thinks James Caan is sexy and Jackie adds that she thinks all guys are hotter than Hyde. Hyde tells her that she's insecure, which she denies, telling him that it's just common relationship courtesy not to say that other girls are hot. She leaves, angry, when he won't take back what he said about Brooke. Red tells Hyde that men sometimes have to say things that they don't really think in order to keep a relationship running smoothly and Kitty agrees that little white lies help. At the library, Fez and Kelso come in; Fez looks around, and seeing girls of all shapes and sizes, says that it's like a virgin pumpkin patch. Kelso goes to the front desk, where Brooke is working and tells her that he wants to go out with her, but she says that he's not her type. While they're talking, a young boy comes up to check out some books; Kelso gives him a firecracker to get rid of him. [Scene change: Kelso crawls across the screen on all fours.] In the Forman basement, Kelso tells the guys that he went to the library and Brooke wouldn't go out with him. The guys are amazed -- that there's a library in town. Kelso wishes that there were no secret "Hot Girls" club, then imagines a Hot Girls Club meeting, with Donna as the President; Jackie, Brooke and other girls are there, all talking about how they're driving guys crazy by not wearing bras. Brooke stands up and tells them all that she turned Kelso down for a date, and they pass a motion that none of them will ever go out with Kelso. They then declare it 'dancing bubble kiss time.' Donna tells Kelso again that there is no "Hot Girls" club; Eric says that dancing bubble kiss time is a good idea. Kelso still doesn't understand why Brooke wouldn't go out with him; Donna points out that Brooke usually dates brainy guys and maybe Kelso should try to show her that he can be smart. [Scene change: a close-up of Hyde's face.] In the Forman kitchen, Jackie is complaining to Kitty about Hyde, asking, "how do I know if he loves me if he doesn't obey me?" Kitty tells her to pick her battles, and that eventually, all men give up and obey. Red comes in, takes a beer from the fridge and opens it. Kitty asks him to go to the drug store for her and get a magazine. He tries explaining that he just opened a beer, but finally agrees to go. At the library, Eric has a stack of Playboy magazines that he wants to check out. Kelso is trying to impress Brooke with his knowledge of science, and failing. He tells her that he's not leaving until she agrees to go out with him, but just then, the kid that he gave the firecracker to appears with his mother, telling her that Kelso is the one who gave him the firecracker. Kelso runs out. Eric takes the Playboys up to the counter; Brooke won't let him check them out, telling him that he should be grateful that he has a real girlfriend who lets him touch her, and that he should go buy flowers for Donna right now. In the Forman livingroom, Jackie comes in and asks Hyde to lie to her about Brooke, but he won't. Kitty reminds her to pick her battles, so Jackie says that she doesn't care, then asks Hyde to go to the store and buy her the new issue of Vogue. He's eating a bowl of ice cream and doesn't want to go, but eventually gives in. Jackie smiles triumphantly as he leaves. [Scene change: Hyde on a swing.] In the Forman basement, Fez tells the guys that he failed in his search for horny virgins, so he's back where he started. Kelso comes in and tries to convince the guys one more time that he had sex with Brooke, but they're still not buying it. Then Brooke comes in and tells Kelso that they need to talk. She admits that they had sex in the bathroom at the Molly Hatchet concert, and Kelso runs around shouting "Burn!" at all the guys, then runs upstairs and shouts it at Red and Kitty. He runs back downstairs and proudly proclaims, "We totally did it!" Then Brooke says that she's pregnant; Kelso says that he never touched her. The gang is in shock. [End credits: At the library, Eric tries to get the little boy to check out the Playboys for him by hiding them between the books he has. The little boy calls him a loser.]
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