That '70s Show

Season 5 Episode 3

What Is and What Should Never Be (1) (a.k.a. Kitty's Pregnant)

Aired Sunday 8:00 PM Oct 29, 2002 on FOX

Episode Recap

In the Forman kitchen, Hyde is on the phone, just ending his conversation with Jackie; after he hangs up, Eric tells him not to get all romantic as he'll spoil Eric's breakfast, then tells Hyde that if he's not breaking up with Jackie, he has to tell Kelso. Hyde calls Eric "Johnny Cub scout" and asks if Eric is going to take away his merit badge? Kitty brings over the food and says that she'll serve herself first, then scoops almost all of it onto her own plate. Eric comments that she should leave some for the rest of them, and Kitty informs them all that she's eating for two now, as she's pregnant. They all say "What?" and Red then says, "Oh no!... I mean, great!" [Opening credits.] [Scene change: Red walks across the screen while Kitty dances towards the camera.] In the Forman kitchen, Red asks if she's sure, suggesting that maybe she's just putting on her winter weight. Kitty tells him that a woman knows, and besides which, she's late, and not for work. Hyde tells her that it's great news and hugs her; Eric agrees and hugs her as well. Red sits and stares at her, then tells her that he's soaking in the moment. Kitty tells him that a baby will bring happiness; Red hastily agrees, saying that he loves babies. Kitty tells them all that she's so happy, but right now, she's going to go throw up. She leaves and Red says that he doesn't understand how this happened; Eric starts to tell him that when a boy and a girl love each other... Hyde interrupts and says that the boy doesn't ~have to~ love the girl... Red tells them both to shut up. [Scene change: Fez struts towards the camera; Hyde and Kelso are on swings.] In the Forman driveway, Donna comments that she can't believe that Red and Kitty are having a baby; Eric can't believe that they have sex, explaining that Red has a bad back. Hyde points out that this means that Kitty must have been on top; Kelso comments that this is why you have to put on a "raincoat" every time, except the first time, because that's a free pass. Fez laughs and says that the "first time" is just a myth, you're only safe if you do it in the water; he checks on that with Hyde, who says that he's right. Kelso drops the basketball and asks Donna to get it for him; when she bends down to pick it up, all the guys clap. She calls Kelso a tool and throws the basketball into the back yard; Kelso runs off to get it. Jackie comes in; she tells Hyde that she had fun last night, and Kelso gets back with the ball just in time to hear that. He asks what she did last night, and Jackie tells him that she went to the movies, and looks to Donna to confirm that. Donna says that she doesn't know because she was with Eric, so Jackie reminds her that it was the movie about the big red whore; Donna asks if she means the big red whore who didn't like people keeping secrets? The two of them trade insults; Eric tells Jackie to watch what she says about the big red whore. Fez leaves and Kelso follows him; Donna tells Jackie that she's sick of covering for her and Hyde and their creepy, unnatural relationship, and they need to tell Kelso, adding that the two of them don't care about Kelso or anyone else. Eric agrees, pointing out that when the situation blows up, everyone will be screwed; Eric and Donna go in the house, and Jackie asks Hyde if they're a creepy unnatural couple; he says yes, and that's why he's in it. [Scene change: Jackie jumps in the air.] In Hyde's room, Kitty goes through boxes of old baby clothes; she shows Eric his little pink sweater and little pink hat, and Eric wonders if the hospital told her that he was a boy? He then asks what's wrong with Red, and Kitty tells him that that's just his way; she remembers that when she told him that she was pregnant with Eric, he said, "Oh crap" and stormed out. She tells Eric that Red will come around, the way that he always does. She leaves the room; Eric sees his blankey, and as he picks it up, Hyde comes in. He tells Eric that he's decided to tell Kelso, since he and Jackie might be together for a while; Eric says no, pointing out that Jackie is the devil, but Hyde counters with the fact that she's hot. Eric tells him that she's hot because of the hell-fire. Hyde tells Eric to imagine that he's stranded on a desert island with Jackie, and she's wearing a coconut bikini; they imagine... Jackie is standing in the sand wearing a coconut bra and grass skirt; she's complaining that he hasn't made a signal fire yet, and that she has a splinter, then calling him a moron for not grabbing the tweezers before their ship sank. Eric comments that it was an unpleasant fantasy; Hyde tells him to do what he does... and they have the same fantasy of Jackie in the coconut bra, only this time, her voice can't be heard, only some Hawaiian music. Eric realizes that Jackie ~is~ hot. Kelso comes in and asks what they're talking about; at the same time, both Eric and Hyde both say, "Indy 500," then look at each other and laugh. Kelso tells them that he needs a ride to the DMV because he lost his licence somewhere in California; Eric tells him that Hyde can take him, and it will give them a chance to talk, and Hyde can tell Kelso what he did this summer. Hyde asks Kelso how he lost his licence; Kelso says that a shark ate it, but then admits that he just lost it. In the Forman kitchen, Red comes in; Kitty asks how he's doing now? She smells liquor on his breath; Red tells her that he's not selling the Corvette. When she asks what he's talking about, he says that kids are expensive and he knows that the Corvette will be the first thing to go; he adds that he waited 25 years for the car and that people their age don't have kids, they have grand kids. Kitty tells him that she's having a baby and he has to deal with it; they stand there, staring at each other. Fez comes in and thinks that they're having a staring contest, and calls the winner. Kitty leaves; Fez stands in front of Red to start the contest, but Red leaves. [Scene change: Red yells at the camera, Kitty dances.] In the Forman kitchen, in an ice cream circle, Kitty says that Red is angry, and while she's pregnant, she didn't get that way by herself. Jackie suggests that Kitty tell Red that she just likes him as a friend; Donna says that men are jerks, and that Red should be kissing Kitty's ass. Eric looks up from his bowl and says that he's only there for the ice cream. Kitty says that men sow their seed and then think that their work is done, leaving women to carry the child and give birth; she compares giving birth to a snake eating an antelope, only in the other direction. Eric says that no woman should have to do that alone, and calls Red a bastard. At the DMV, Fez, Kelso and Hyde are standing in a long line up, waiting; Fez comments that they've been there for an hour and only moved two feet. Kelso tells him that if he thinks this is bad, he should see the line up at the free clinic. Hyde asks if Kelso has been to the free clinic; Kelso says no, but he saw Hyde's mom there. Hyde punches him; Fez yells at the line up and then says that he's going to get to the bottom of things, and goes off. Hyde tells Kelso that he has to talk to him about the summer, about Jackie. Kelso gets upset, and guesses that Jackie is with someone new; Hyde asks why Kelso cares, since he broke up with her. Kelso says that he just can't stand the thought of Jackie being with some random guy, so Hyde asks if it would be better if she were with a friend? Kelso laughs and says that a friend would never do that. Fez comes back and tells the guys that he wants to work here because the guy at the counter was rude and treated him like crap, but he treated everyone that way; he adds that the guy probably wasn't popular in high school, but now he's the belle of the ball, and Fez wants his turn. In the Forman driveway, Red is waxing his Corvette; Eric comes out and tells him that Kitty is upset, and asks what Red's problem is? Red tells Eric that it's his fault that Red is bald; he says that for five generations, no one in his family has been bald, but then Eric came along, and Red is bald. Eric tells him to wear a hat, because Kitty is scared; he adds that he doesn't usually tell Red what to do because Red always does the right thing, but this time, Eric has to tell him to be a man. [Scene change: Eric falls away from the camera while Donna jumps in the air.] In the Forman basement, Hyde comes in; Eric asks if he's told Kelso yet, and Hyde admits that he blew it off. Donna asks why he hasn't; Eric claims that Hyde chickened out but Hyde says that he just didn't want to do it in front of all those people. Donna laughs and says that he feels bad about what he's done, but Hyde says no, he doesn't. Eric says that someone's been to Oz and got himself a heart. Hyde tells them both to shut up and goes to his room. Donna says that they got through to him, but he's still not going to tell Kelso. In the Forman garage, Kitty tells Red that they got a call about the Corvette, and asks if he's buying another one? Red says no, he's selling the one that he has already. Kitty asks what he's doing out in the garage, and he shows her: he's painting Eric's old cradle; he tells her that he remembered that the babies liked sleeping in it... when they weren't peeing and pooping. Kitty tells him that it's sweet; Red comments that this time, they might get an athlete. [Scene change: Jackie jumps towards the camera.] In the Forman driveway, Jackie asks Hyde if he told Kelso; Hyde says that the timing wasn't right. She says that she understands, and compares it to setting her hair, and talks about that, then asks him if he's listening? Hyde says, "God help me, I am." In the Forman kitchen, Kelso comes in from the living room, reading the dictionary definition of "adulterer." Eric sees Hyde and Jackie kissing in the driveway and tries to get Kelso to go back into the living room before he sees them; Kelso turns and sees them, and laughs, then asks why Hyde is kissing Jackie. Donna and Eric both look uncomfortable, but don't answer the question. Kelso says, "He's dead..." and starts to run towards the back door. TO BE CONTINUED... [End credits: In the Forman basement, Fez fills in the DMV application, making jokes about all the questions: Address: if I must, but I prefer pants; Sex: yes, Mother's maiden name: Streisand, but she won't admit it.]