In the Forman basement, Kelso comes in wearing an orange "Cadet" sash; Hyde calls him a crossing guard. Kelso says that the deserves the respect that his badge commands; Eric points out that the badge is made of paper. Kelso brags that he's going on a ride-along with his training officer tomorrow. Jackie comes in with a little girl, whom she introduces to the gang as "Little Jackie," explaining that she's in a mentoring program for school. The girl tells them that her real name is Collette; she tells Jackie that she's bored, so Jackie gives her some pictures of herself for Collette to sort through. Collette thinks that all the pictures are lame; Hyde and Kelso both agree that they like her because she's feisty.
[Scene change: Fez dances towards the camera.]
In the Forman kitchen, Laurie, heading for the door, tells Fez to leave her alone. Kitty tells Red that the two of them have been fighting constantly, and she thinks that the basic idea behind the fights is that Laurie is loose. Red asks for some coffee; Kitty turns on the tap and fills the coffee pot with pump sludge and offers it to him. Red explains that the doctor ordered him not to do chores, then suggests that Eric can do it with his supervision.
[Scene change: Kelso sits cross-legged and grooves to music.]
In the police cruiser, Officer Kennedy hands Kelso his walky-talky, which Kelso immediately begins playing with. They get a call over the radio that there's a 4-15 in progress. Kelso asks what that is, and Officer Kennedy tells him to look it up; Kelso thinks that it's a "dog crapping on a lawn" and is excited about being able to put a dog in handcuffs, but Officer Kennedy tells him that it's a domestic disturbance.
[Scene change: a shot from below as Hyde, Fez and Kelso walk across the screen.]
In the Forman driveway, Fez and Laurie are yelling at each other. Kitty comes out and tells them to be quiet because the neighbors are starting to look. The police cruiser with Officer Kennedy and Kelso in it pulls in to the driveway, and Officer Kennedy asks if there's a problem. Fez tells him that Laurie is a whore; Bob comes over and tells the officers that it's about time that they showed up. Kitty is shocked that Bob called the police, but he explains that the yelling was interfering with his tv watching. Officer Kennedy says that things seem to be under control, but then tells Kelso to frisk Fez for practice. In frisking him, Kelso finds a frog in Fez's pocket and confiscates it.
[Scene change: Eric does push-ups on the screen.]
In the Forman kitchen, Eric walks in with the tool box and Red follows him. Red asks Eric for a Phillips head, but Eric doesn't know what that is, until Red repeats the request, adding screwdriver on the end.
[Scene change: Jackie struts towards the camera like a model.]
In Donna's bedroom, Jackie is trying to do a make-over on Collette, but she doesn't want to play along. Donna tells Jackie that she should be doing fun things like rollerskating with Collette; Collette agrees and asks why she can't have Donna as her big sister.
[Scene change: Donna dances while Eric falls towards the screen.]
In the Forman kitchen, Red tells Eric to get under the sink, but Eric is afraid that it will be spidery under there. He gets under the sink then immediately jumps out; Red pulls out a Brill-o pad and makes fun of Eric for mistaking it for a spider. He tells Eric, "somewhere along the line, I failed with you." He speculates that perhaps it was that year that Eric was 10 and Red caught him playing with dolls, which Eric insists were action figures.
[Scene change: Donna and Jackie dance across the screen.]
At The Hub, Collette wants to go to the movies, but Jackie says that watching her live her life should be enough entertainment. Donna tells Jackie that she's horrible with kids, so Jackie turns over "Little Jackie" to Donna, who tells her, "You've just been up-graded to Little Donna." Kelso comes in; Hyde and Fez are impressed that he's arrived in a police car and ask if they can check it out. Kelso tells them sure, then heads off to the bathroom.
In the cruiser, Hyde and Fez start playing with the walky-talky, then notice that Kelso has left the keys in the car. They start the car and pull away from The Hub.
In The Hub, at the same time as the cruiser is pulling away, Kelso comes running out of the bathroom, shouting. He's upset that there's no soap in the men's room.
In the cruiser, Hyde and Fez drive around, wondering what they should do first.
In The Hub, Kelso practises saying "Freeze! You're under arrest!" in the mirror.
In the cruiser, Hyde picks up the walky-talky and starts making joke announcements, saying that he's Michael Kelso and he's naked.
In The Hub, Kelso hears these announcements, and comes running out of the bathroom, shouting for someone to call the police because his car has been stolen.
[Scene change: Eric does push-ups on the screen while Red looms over him.]
In the Forman kitchen, Eric is upset that Red said he failed with Eric. Red tries claiming that it was a joke, then admits that since Eric stayed home from college to help out, he's actually admirable. Eric says that he may not be able to fix the pipes, but he's going to fix the lawnmower, and goes out to try.
[Scene change: Fez struts across the screen; Hyde and Kelso on swings.]
In the Forman basement, Hyde and Fez are watching the news; Fez is shocked that no one is looking for the cruiser. Donna comes in looking for Collette; Jackie accuses Donna of losing her, but Donna says that they're just playing hide-and-go-seek, and Collette's really good at it. Jackie helps Donna look for her, but only because she'd get a detention if she lost her 'little sister.' Kelso comes in and asks Fez and Hyde to give the police cruiser back, but neither one of them will tell him where it is. Kelso tells them that they can't just take it without permission, especially since ~he~ took it without permission.
[Scene change: Eric on a checkerboard background, making 'come-on' motions with his hands.]
In the Forman driveway, Eric fixes the lawnmower and gets it running. He shuts it off and runs in to get Red and Kitty to see that he was successful. They come out, but won't let him turn it on, because they're worried about what might happen, and that someone could be injured. Red says that they'll just put it in the garage; he opens the garage door only to find the cruiser parked in there. A few minutes later, he has the whole gang assembled in the driveway and is yelling at them. Kelso backs the cruiser out of the garage and runs over the lawnmower; Red doesn't care, saying it was broken anyway.
[Scene change: Kelso jumps towards the camera.]
In the cruiser, Kelso sits outside the barbershop waiting for Officer Kennedy to come out. When he does, Kelso tells him, in a very guilty manner, that the cruiser never moved while he was getting his hair cut. Officer Kennedy gets in, and as they drive off, the walky-talky crackles, and Hyde's voice asks if Kelso got the cruiser back without his boss finding out that he'd stolen it?
In the Forman kitchen, Red and Eric sit at the table. Red has various tools in front of him, and Eric has action figures; they're quizzing each other on the names. When Red can't remember Darth Vader's name, Eric says that somewhere along the line, he failed with Red.
[End credits: Bloopers from the filming of the episode -- Kelso dropping Fez's frog; Kennedy grabbing the bullhorn and the buzzer on it goes off; Kennedy getting the bullhorn caught in Kelso's "Cadet" sash; the police decal falling off the side of the cruiser.]