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Wednesday 9:00 PM on The CW (Returning Midseason 2018)

When I was 18, back in the last year of the previous century-- I graduated High School... I was bored with almost everything since I was even then slightly jaded (or so people often described me) and perhaps I had watched Full Metal Jacket once too often. So, in a fit of boredom and feeling the need to explore the world I joined with a friend the USMC... I went on to be a Sgt. (yeah, I got to command a tank) in the reserves with a tank platoon that was then stationed at Fort Knox, KY. It was fun for awhile the tank (still want a tank for myself) was a blast to drive to around... I mean after all it was 57tons of Steel and Depleted Uranium rolled into a fighting machine driven with a 1500hp Turbine propelling the entire vehicle and crew at 43-45mph on a street... Basically we only had to things to do: train all day and carouse all night looking for hot (or not it really didn't matter much) townie girls at bars and so on for carnal pleasures. And you are probably asking why am I regaling this tale of misplaced career choices on my part... The point is that as was watching this film-- I thought wait-- Wouldn't this series be better if were more like Full Metal Jacket.

I'm serious here. Sure, I understand that love triangles are inevitable in a CW series it happens to be the genetic left overs of the WB pedigree. But really what this series needs to go beyond (more full frontal nudity but that will never happen) silly love rhombuses are members of Mother Green's Killing Machine! (By the way I was pretty awful Marine really, never did get into that entire authority thing-- but I did love the TANK.) However, Marines would add so much character to this show? We could improve the entire feel of the grounders if they were the descendants of a group of the USMC.

Think about it... They could be the ultimate Spartans. Totally focused on being the perfect killing machines. Totally committed to the misogyny and homophobia that drives military training so effectively. Do you understand how great this could for the series? First off it would give the grounders a new dynamic. Secondly, it would make me smile a little bit to see R. Lee Emery in the series screaming about "how you slimy little space shits don't belong on this Earth..."

Sure, we could still have a few love triangles in the series. But then we could have R. Lee Emery mock these children about how stupid and childish they are and potentially being homosexual in nature...

Next-- we could put some VH into the sound track-- One of the greatest inventions is the IPOD-- because you can put the device through internal intercom of the TANK and even broadcast to the other tanks in the platoon... So we would blast stuff like this on the maneuvers! (The Lt. had no sense of humor when we did this stuff... he was turd burglar. I don't say this because I'm homophobic, but because I honest believe he was the sort of freaky guy would package up women's turds as prizes of his conquests...)

Good old fashion heavy metal including some power metal from Germany... Think of the fun this episode could have been if Octavia ( named after the Empress as I first suspected) pulled her escape attempt to some Iron Maiden's classic works: "The Prisoner". I'm not a number-- I'm A Free MAN (or more accurately in this case WOMAN)... And what if we had a cat-fight with Raven and Clarke to the sounds of Danzig's "Am I Demon"as they turn from rivals to curious bi-sexual teens! Star-Crossed it playing the Bi-Sexual Card-- and I it is making me HORNY! Which is why they are doing it... Let's be honest faux-teenagers playing faux-bi-sexuals is better than the blue pill any day.

And finally we have the entire Sister's keeper story line predictable... The best way to save Octavia was with this..

Sadly, I know this cannot happen... But I sort of want a hidden cache of weapons in some mountain bunker like Jeremiah or Battlefield scenario--not because it would make sense--but because TANKS AND GUNS AND MASS DESTRUCTION ARE WAY COOLER THAN TEENAGE DRAMA! And since the CW will not give up the drama they could at least attempt to up the carnage in between the carnality of this series. I'm talking good old fashioned 1980's style killing!

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