Barney Fife (1960-1965)
Sheriff Andy Taylor (1960-1968)
Barney: They were kissin'. Huggin' and kissin'. You couldn't have gotten a piece of tissue paper between them. They were that close. They were kissin'.
Andy: Who was kissin'?
Barney: Thelma Lou and Gomer.
Barney: (shouting) Kissin'!
Andy: Is it a joke when a girl kisses you like that?
Gomer: No, sirree, it ain't no joke to me.
Andy: Well, what does it mean when a fella and a girl kiss?
Gomer: It means they got to marry.
Andy: (to Thelma Lou) There you are.
Thelma Lou: Oh, no!
Gomer: Shoot, my mama and daddy just shook hands on their deal.
Barney: (to Andy) Want some fudge? A man's had fudge every Tuesday night for years, you don't kick the habit just like that.
Barney: Thelma Lou and I have always had a standing date on Tuesday nights. Every Tuesday night for as long as I can remember we're setting on that couch, a pan of cashew fudge between us, watching that doctor show on TV.
(after Gomer tells Barney what happened when he took Thelma Lou to the dentist in Mt. Pilot:)
Barney: She bought him lunch.
Andy: What's wrong with that?
Barney: Well, nothin'. It's just that in all the years I've known Thelma Lou, she's never bought me lunch. We've always gone "dutch treat".
Andy: Well, like I say: you can't tell about women. Sometimes they go for that shaggy type of guy. Gomer's pretty shaggy, you know.
Barney: I ever tell you you got a warped sense of humor?
Andy: Hmm... I believe so.
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