Andy: "I was readin' here jus' the other day where's there's somethin' like four hundred needy boys in this county alone, or one and a half boys per square mile." 400 boys, 1.5 boys per every square mile - doing the math (400 divided by 1.5)= Mayberry County consists of approximately 266 square miles.
Andy and Tom look at his tombstone, which reads: "Thomas Silby, Fine Man and a Dear Husband, 1908-1958"
Andy: (about Annabelle's late husband) I know you must miss him.
Annabelle Silby: Yes I do, Andy. 'Course I guess I did pick at him more than was right.
Andy: Now, now, don't, don't go blaming yourself too much. After all, it ain't easy being married to a … drinking man.
Annabelle Silby: Andy Taylor, my Tom was not a drinkin' man.
Andy: He wasn't?
Annabelle Silby: Absolutely not!
Andy: Well, it's too bad Tom didn't know that, 'cause he sure did waste hisself on some awful hangovers.
Annabelle Silby: Well, he may have had a little "tonic" now and then. For his blood, you understand.
Andy: Well, you know, I never saw a man take tonic with a beer chaser.
Andy: Now, now, now, look here, Opie, you, you can't give a little, bitty, piddlin' amount like three cents to a worthy cause like the underprivileged children's drive. Why, I was readin' here just the other day where there's somewhere like 400 needy boys in this county alone, or, or, or one and a half boys per square mile.?
Opie: There is?
Andy: There sho' is.
Opie: I never seen one, Pa.
Andy: Never seen one what?
Opie: A half a boy.
Andy: Well, it's not really a half a boy. It's a ratio.
Opie: Horatio who?
Andy: Not Horatio, a ratio. Mathematics ... 'rithmetic. Look, now, Opie just forget that part of it. For-forget the part about the half a boy.
Opie: It's pretty hard to forget a thing like that, Pa.
Andy: Well, try!
Opie: Poor Horatio.
Andy: (trying to instill a sense of charity in Opie) Son, uh (chuckles) ... didn't you, didn't you ever give anybody anything just for the pleasure of it? Just … somethin' you didn't want anything in return for?
Opie: Sure. Just yesterday I gave my friend Jimmy somethin'.
Andy: Now, that's fine. What'd you give him?
Opie: A sock in the head.
Andy: I-I meant charity.
Opie: I didn't charge him nothin'.
Andy: I meant somethin' for the joy of givin'.
Opie: I enjoyed it.
Andy: (about Tom's wife) Well, she told everybody that you went down to Charlottesville and got run over.
Tom Silby: Run over!?
Andy: By a taxicab. And she had this nice mahogany box sent back and had you buried like you was in it.
Tom Silby: What!?
Andy: Well, yes! Far as the town's concerned, you're as dead as a hammer.
Tom Silby: I don't believe it. I know she's proud, all right, but burying me when I'm still alive - I just don't believe it! All I did was go down to Charlottesville.
Andy: Well, Tom, we all figured you was a lot further down than that. Come on.
Tom Silby: Well, where to?
Andy: I'll show ya. Oh wait. (grabs flowers from a vase and hands them to Tom) In case you feel like paying respects to yourself.
Tom: Doggonit, Annabelle knows I can't stand Sam Peabody. Why'd she go and invite him to my funeral?
Andy: Well, I don't know that she invited him …
Tom: He had a lot of nerve, crashin' my funeral.
Andy: Now Tom, you are just bein' silly. Now, here Annabelle breaks her back to give you the finest sendoff this town has ever seen and you go poutin' over details … She couldn't exactly have checked the guest list with you, you know.
Andy: (after giving Opie a hard time for saving money to buy his girlfriend something instead of donating more to charity) An' we're gon' forget about raisin' your donation at school, an' about breakin' into your piggy bank …
Opie: I'd like to, Pa, but like I said ...
Andy: It-it-it's all right. It's all right. You're savin' to buy your little girlfriend Charlotte a toy - that's all right this time, I expect.
Opie: No, Pa...
Andy: Or if you, if you wan' take her to the movies and buy her two dollars worth of popcorn, that's all right.
Opie: I'm gonna buy her a coat.
Andy: After all, it's your savin's. An' whatever you … you're gon' buy her a what?
Opie: A coat. The one she's got's kinda wore out.?
Andy: It is, huh?
Opie: Uh huh. When I asked her how come she didn't get a new one, she said 'cause her ma didn't have enough money.
Aunt Bee: And you were saving to buy her a coat for next winter?
Opie: Mm hmm. By then I'll have enough.
Andy: Well, Opie, you never told me that's what the money was for.
Opie: You never asked me.
Andy: No, I guess I didn't, did I?
Opie: What are we having for supper?
Andy: Well, you and Aunt Bee's havin' fried chicken. And I'm havin' crow.
This episode features the only scene to take place in a cemetery during the regular series. A rather touching scene in Return to Mayberry takes place in Mayberry's cemetery when Andy places a single rose on Aunt Bee's grave.
Andy mentions that Mayor Jenkins (in his striped britches) attended Tom's funeral. Since Mayor Pike is in office by this time (he first appeared in the show's second episode The Manhunt), and Tom has been "dead" for a few years, it's safe to assume that Mayor Jenkins preceded Mayor Pike.
Don Knotts does not appear in this episode.
Knotts would be frequently absent during his tenure on the series even though Barney was a main character and he had second billing in the opening credits. This stipulation was written into Knott's contract due to health issues arising from a rigorous television schedule. As the series went on, Don would be absent more frequently.
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