How about playing Basketball on Horses?
The finale has come and gone (sorry about the wait for this review) and I'm not going to spoil the winner for anyone who hasn't seen it yet until the second installment of this review. Because the episode is technically three episodes, I have separated the reviews. Expect at least two days between each review. UmÂ…so with that, we can move on!
The first ten minutes of the episode began with a recap, showcasing the good sides of both Jennifer, the Princeton and Harvard Grad, and Kelly, the West Point military guy. Kelly was shown donating all of the proceeds of the ice cream task to the charity he chose, as well as being a good leader on the QVC task. Jen was shown erasing stuff with her QVC eraser, washing dogs and confronting Kelly about his teen girl-like whispering about her behind her back. Now, last time on The Apprentice, Jen and Kelly picked teams for the final task (Jen has to organize a charity basketball game while Kelly organizes a polo match). Kelly's team consists of John, Elisabeth and Raj, while Jen's team was made up of Pamela, Chris and Stacy R. Kelly was shown micromanaging his entire team, and Jen was shown delegating tasks Â– tasks that she really should have done herself. (Hey, I'm not saying that we're all perfect!).
So...this week's episode! Fun stuff! It starts off really great, with Pamela saying something about Chris Webber canceling and how Jen "bitch-slapped Chris Webber's assistant." Jen seems to be doing quite well in my opinion, but unfortunately, Kelly is doing ok. Well, if you count a near-mutiny from John and Raj (who have to be the most dysfunctional and hilarious team on television) as good. John was showing Raj how to make the gift-bag for those who attend the polo match, and he definitely has the quotes-of-the-week. He goes "Now, with all of the tissue paper and wrapping we pull out," while throwing wrapping on the floor, "we do that with it because it pisses Kelly off and it's funny." Later, John opens up a bottle of wine, and he and Raj start drinking. John goes pretty overboard, I must admit, but it really is hysterical watching him, and he even admits that he drank too much. He says, "I got a little loopy. Kelly got all pissy about it. But I don't much care." In my opinion, John's a good guy. Smart too.
So, the last day of planning the events passes, and Jen's team heads to the suite for some sleep. Kelly, on the other hand, is a nocturnal critter (I said critter!) and he forces his team to stay at the country club thing. He and Elisabeth (who later refers to herself as "Dictator Elisabeth") take a ride to a store or something, leaving Raj and John at the club, who are supposed to be putting up signs. Key word in that last sentence: supposed to (ok, that's two words). In actuality, they're listening to frogs and geese. On the phone, Kelly says to Elisabeth "It sounds like they're getting some stuff done." He hangs up the phone, and the camera cuts to Raj and John who are arguing about whether what they heard croaking was a goose or a frog. In the end, though, they come up with the consensus that "There was a goose and a frog and the goose and the frog were singing together and now its just the frog." Fabulous.
Back at Team Jen the next day, it appears that Pamela has been delegated a lot of responsibility, including introducing Mr. Trump, among other things. Jen also runs into problems with one of the sponsors, X-Box, when the power goes out and the NBA stars can't play their video games. Does the whole X-Box sponsor make any sense to anyone? The charity is the NBA read-to-achieve foundation, encouraging reading. What do most kids do when they're not outside or not reading? Playing video-games! But, she fixes the problem quite quickly, as well as the whole "Chris-Webber-cancelled-on-us thing." (She found a replacement in NBA commissioner David Stern) I was glad to hear that Kelly also ran into some problems. Though the weather has cleared up, apparently horses don't like big letters on the field that say "WISK." (What is Wisk anyway?)
Then, the real festivities begin! Donald Trump appears at the basketball game in his ever-luxurious private helicopter, and though Jen didn't greet him, Pamela took care of things, and Jen finally did come out to see him (though apparently she never say him again that day.) The game starts, and Pamela proclaims "The things these athletes can do with their bodies!" Sure, they can dunk and shoot and run and dribble, but can they write reviews for a certain reality show starring a certain billionaire? I thought not. When the game finishes, Trump looks around as if expecting Jen to pop out of thin air and invite him to the VIP tournament, but she doesn't, and he leaves, with Pamela running after the helicopter as if she would catch up to it. She is screwed.
Trump flies on over to New England to see how Kelly is making out with his polo thingy. Turns out that he never organized a good box seat for Mr. Trump, and he pays with Carolyn's cold eye roll, and Trump bashing him in the head and making blood ooze out of his eye sockets (nah, just kidding. But he did seem mad.) Secretly, I weep for the rich man who is forced to sit upon the (gasp!) dirty chair! The match starts and Kelly says something about how he never realized how exhausting polo must be. What I'm thinking is how exhausting the match must be for the horses! The game ends, Trump flies away, andÂ…Tony Bennet is coming in 15 minutes! Someone tells Kelly that the bathrooms are unfit for Mr. Bennet to change in, so he quickly sends John and Raj to clean up the place where he was working only a few hours ago. The two start moving things, scrubbing toilets that look like crap (literally) and when Mr. Bennet arrives, they SHAKE HIS HAND! That's so unsanitary!
At the end of the day, after Jen successfully sells a signed basketball shoe for a thousand dollars and Tony Bennet's concert goes off without a hitch (besides the whole shaking dirty hands with him thing), Carolyn and George express their views about the candidates. Carolyn, overseeing Kelly's task, believes that he was "successful" and George, overseeing Jen, thinks that she did a "spectacular job." At the very end of the episode, Kelly starts talking about a poem by Rudyard Kipling called "If." As in "If he wins I'm going to resort to slamming my head into this computer." That would explain why I have a concussion.
- Adam Polaski