The Celebrity Apprentice

Season 3 Episode 4

Soap Dopes

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM Feb 10, 2005 on NBC
out of 10
User Rating
17 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Soap Dopes
Given the challenge of creating a 30-second commerical for Dove Cool Moisture Body Wash, the teams excel at coming up with concepts but struggle with executing the focuses of their commercials. Once the teams are done shooting, they show their work to Donny Deutsch, an advertising agent, who shoots down both commercials, calling Magna's, which involves a chef massaging a cucumber with a gay twist at the end, too risque and sexy - almost a pornographic - and Net Worth's, about a losing runner who uses Dove to revitalize himself, too safe and idiotic. Both teams lose due to their disastrous commercials, and both teams meet with Trump in the boardroom, where Kristen is fired.moreless

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  • ...never mind. That was just because there was Soap in my Eyes. And, apparently, in all of the Apprentice candidates as well!

    ...never mind. That was just because there was Soap in my Eyes. And, apparently, in all of the Apprentice candidates as well!


    Previously, on The Apprentice, Michael wanted to get hot European models for Magna's Nestle' Taster's Choice marketing campaign. Magna lost the challenge (possibly because they didn't go with Michael's bright idea), and Danny was fired. Did anyone else notice that Verna (who quit early in episode three) was not even mentioned at all? I suppose this is Mark Burnett's way of saying "you screwed the poodle." In this episode, while the other candidates were waiting to see who was fired, Team Magna was hoping that Trump said the words to Michael, the slacker who had had an exemption from task two. Angie thought Danny was stupid for bringing in a person who was exempt. Erin, however, thinks "exemption, smegzemption. Everyone thinks he's a lazy piece of crap." When Stephanie and Mike walk into the suite, though, everyone's disappointed and Bren begins to scold Mike for his slacker-ish behavior from the coffee task. Alex says that if he does something else wrong "the guillotine's gonna drop on his neck."

    The next morning, Tana gets the phone and is told to tell the others to meet Mr. Trump near the plasma screen. As always, the candidates obey, and Trump tells them to meet Donny Deutsh to create a commercial for Dove Cool Moisture. There's some ooo-ing and aaa-ing from the women. "DONNY!!! I LOVE YOU!!!" Like I said, ooo-ing and aaa-ing. Donny tells the group that they will create an "extravaganza" of a commercial. It won't just be a generic commercial. It'll be a 30 second mini-movie. Whatever. They're just making a commercial. Erin volunteers to be Project Manager for Magna, even though she hasn't had any experience with films. On the other hand, Kristen steps up from Net Worth because she's a film expert! According to Audrey (who's my new favorite, by the way), "Kristen seems to think she's ‘seen Hollywood.' She's ‘been in the stages.'" Well, her boyfriend is, which makes her one by association! That's like saying that I'm a woman because my friend is. Or that Jay Leno is funny because he knows Ellen Degeneres. It's just not true, it doesn't work that way.

    The teams begin with pitching their ideas, and Bren (Magna) comes up with one where there's a chef, and he's cleaning cucumbers. A woman chef comes from behind and shows him how to do it correctly. The woman motions for the man to come into a closet with her, and he does, grabbing the Dove and walking out with his boyfriend. Michael is not happy. He doesn't like gay people. But Bren thinks that a lot of gay people use Dove, so Michael bites his lip and goes along with it, saying, "Let's make this vegetable porno the best vegetable porno we can." Meanwhile, at Net Worth, John and Craig come up with a "funny" idea. A marathon runner is left in the dust by all of the other runners. He puts Dove on him, basically taking a bath in the street, and he's instantly revitalized. I didn't really think it was extremely funny, but it was funnier than watching a guy scrubbing cucumbers. Both teams like their ideas, and they start working on the commercial. Magna casts a pretty woman (walking down the street) for theirs, but they find out that she has an ugly personality when they're one hour and 47 minutes late to their meeting with her. She says "You're running really, really late. It's really unprofessional. There's a 90 percent chance that I'm not going to stay." Thank God that Bren talks to her and convinces her to stay. He pulls Erin out of a potentially bad situation because she "doesn't know how to deal with a pissed off woman. With 9 years of marriage, that's my specialty."

    After some Words from the Donald ("Never Settle" for mediocrity), Kristen seems to be doing just that. She excised Craig's and John's joke, dismissing them to go work on the music. She then dismisses Audrey and all of her models as retarded. Audrey thinks that "this is the stupidest commercial ever. Watching the actor (pause to mock the actor's ridiculous face and motions), it's the cheesiest face ever." Angie agrees. "This is so not out of the box. This is so in the ****** box….this is the ****** box!" Kristen is "a B!tch. A Royal B!tch." My mom actually gasped when Audrey says that. Are they allowed to say the b!tch word on TV? In the end, Net Worth's shoot seems to have gotten them nowhere, as no one is pleased with the finished product and the models are mistreated. The situation isn't much better at Magna. George thinks that it's too dirty, too much sex in the Dove soap commercial.

    The teams add their finishing touches, and Donny Deutsh (who gets a few commercials for his show The Big Idea with Donny Deutsh and some pop-ups, most likely for free) gets to the see the commercials of both teams. Magna goes into their presentation dressed as chefs (chef hats and all) but it doesn't fly with Donny. He tells him that it's really unprofessional and ridiculous, and the guys shamefully take off their hats. After seeing their commercial, Donny gives a quick look like "Ew, that sucked" and then tells them to send Net Worth in. He gives the same "Ew, that sucked" look to them, and tells them to go away so that he can talk with his henchwomen. He says "Magna had "a guy leaving with a guy and a girl left with a cucumber." The thing that seemed to bother him the most about Net Worth's was the fact that the runner put it on his face instead of his body.

    The head honcho calls the teams back in and then calls the Donald. He says that the gay positioning in Magna's commercial did not sit well with him, and that he couldn't tell what the product actually was. It was un-airable. Net Worth's however was "disgusting" and it didn't convey the product correctly. Donny announces that he can't choose a winner. "You both suck. I don't have a winner." This is the first time that no winner has been chosen on The Apprentice and the first time that the Donald has to have both teams come to the boardroom to decide their fate. Before we get to that boardroom though, can I point out an error on Donny's part? He says that there are "No winner at all and no loser at all." Which really doesn't make sense. They're both losers. Both commercials sucked. End of story.

    On the night of the boardroom, the weather (much like the two teams) sucks. Both teams are nervous about being fired. Among the nervous: Kristen for making a crappy commercial, Craig and John for coming up with the idea for a crappy commercial, Tana and Audrey for being in charge of the models of a crappy commercial, Erin for leading a team to make a crappy commercial, Michael just because he sucks, and everyone else because they took part in their crappy commercials. Oh, and don't forget Bren, who "may get fired for my little vegetable porn commercial" (Quote of the Week # 1). The teams trek down to the boardroom and Mr. Trump seems kinda pissed off. He's so pissed off that his voiceovers are even more apparent than usual. He asks to see the terrible commercials, because he was only on speakerphone when Donny watched them. He deems both as really, really bad, and then starts with his questions. Who came up with the porno? Bren. Who came up with the dumb-ass marathon commercial? Craig and John. Who was the worst on Net Worth? Kristen. Who was the worst on Magna? No one. Everyone liked the commercial (here Erin neglects to think about Michael, who hated the concept). Then, Trump asked Net Worth what they thought of Magna's commercial. Chris didn't like it. Actually, he strongly didn't like it. He didn't like the homosexual concept or the cucumber innuendo. The entire boardroom seems taken aback by Chris' homophobia, and Mr. Trump asks him if he's gay. Chris, once again spazztastically responds "Sir, I am not a homosexual" (Quote of the Week # 2) Cue the eye roll from Carolyn. A moment of awkward silence follows Chris' tongue lashing, and then Erin backs up her reason to use the gay twist at the end there with "Who watches Will & Grace? A show about gay men. Women, women, women, women, women."

    Nonetheless, both commercials still sucked, so Trump asks the Project Managers to bring two people into the boardroom with them. That makes six people in the final boardroom, with Erin bringing in Michael and Bren and Kristen bringing in Audrey and Tana. Carolyn has taken a liking to Tana but thinks that Mike and Bren were miserable in this task. George thinks Kristen sucks (Oh, the word of the week is "suck" thanks to my good friend Donny. And not that way! Get your heads out of the gutter!). The candidates go back into the boardroom and Kristen proclaims that nothing was her fault (I personally apologize for saying that I liked her back in episode one or two, and I advise Kristen's mother to do the same) and that her team was "very hard people to lead." That derived a chuckle from my mother and I. Erin, the other project manager, did very well with her boardroom speech, saying how there were no fights, no disagreements and that everything went smoothly. Kristen, in Mr. Trump's eyes, is the exact opposite of Erin, and she is fired. Her last words: "But Mr. Trump…" Spoken like a true uber-beotch. She even spends her taxi cab ride blaming other people and advertising for herself.

    After the episode, Trump and Carolyn appeared in the boardroom for a very rehearsed "let's look right at the camera and talk" kind of moment, where they showed the world premiere of the commercial that Dove winded up making. I guess that Dove deserved the extra air-time to get viewers' minds off of cucumbers. The commercial was actually pretty good, but it sure wasn't a mini-movie like Donny asked for. Then again, it gets bonus points for including a geisha woman and Miss Piggy.

    Next Week on The Apprentice, A storm is brewing! This is literal and figurative, folks! The task is to turn trailers into mobile businesses. How glamorous. Oh, but that's not all. In this episode, "The Donald has had Enough." Yeah right. That line would only be believable from an NBC promo if they showed Trump chucking a chair at Carolyn or using a flamethrower on Michael screaming "You're FIRED! You're FIRED!!!!!

    -Adam Polaski

    Email me with comments and questions about my wonderful review at Negative people need not apply. Nah, screw it. You can email me with whatever, even if it's just to say hi or tell me who your favorite candidate is and why. Did I just rhyme? Oh god! Dr. Suess get out of my head!!

Donald Trump

Donald Trump

Himself (the boss)

Kristen Kirchner

Kristen Kirchner

4th Fired

Bill Rancic

Bill Rancic

The Apprentice

Carolyn Kepcher

Carolyn Kepcher

Herself/Trump's assistant

George Ross (II)

George Ross (II)

Himself/Trump's assistant

Robin Himmler

Robin Himmler

Herself (Trump's Secretary)

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (6)

    • This is the second time there is no reward. The first time, Season One's "Tit for Tat", there was no bonus reward, only the reward of helping charity. In this episode, there is no reward at all.

    • This is the first time a candidate is fired with members of the opposing team present. This is also the first time a team has gone to the boardroom without losing any members.

    • Chris has his second boardroom blowup in this episode, when he is asked if he is homosexual.

    • A new commercial for Dove premiered once this episode was over. The "world premiere" was introduced by Carolyn and Trump.

    • For the first time, there is no winner, loser, and no reward. Both teams are called back into the boardroom, where nobody is safe (except Angie, who has exemption), since both commercials are equally terrible.

    • Donald Trump is clearly not a man of his word. In the previous episode, he declines from firing Michael (who had exemption), because he has to go by the rules. However, he breaks the rules in this episode by having both teams in the final boardroom and picking no winner or loser.

  • QUOTES (5)

  • NOTES (3)

    • NBC's website considers this task a victory for Magna since a member of Net Worth is fired.

    • Trump still has the Project Managers of both teams bring in two people into the final boardroom. Magna's Erin chooses Michael and Bren, and Kristen, Project Manager of Networth, picks Tana and Audrey. Kristen is fired for her commanding leadership styles, making her the first woman to be fired. This also marks Kristen's second reality show loss, her first being that of the short-lived Fox reality series Murder in Small Town X.

    • The Project Managers in this episode are Erin for Magna and Kristen for Networth. Since both teams technically lose this week, no one is exempt for next week's task.


    • Erin mentions Will & Grace in the boardroom when she says, backing up Magna's inclusion of a gay twist in their commercial, "Who watches Will & Grace, a show about gay men? Women, women, women, women, women." Will & Grace is a popular NBC show that has made several bounds in the areas of homosexual acceptance.