The Celebrity Apprentice

Season 4 Episode 2

There's No "I" In Team

Aired Sunday 9:00 PM Sep 29, 2005 on NBC

Episode Fan Reviews (1)

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  • The Second Coming of Danny

    Previously on The Apprentice, Melissa was fired because she was cast as the Hispanic Beotch. Meanwhile, Randal’s grandmother died, Markus proved to be an annoying crazy, and Kristi launched a “XXX” workout campaign. I hear it’s doing well.

    Okay, so Trump doesn’t know how to talk. He yells. I’ve accepted that. Now why won’t everyone else! Get over it! He’s always going to yell instead of talking. It’s like one of those things you just can’t avoid. Like the inevitable snickers when someone says “rebuttal” or “montamos,” or the looming references to little boys whenever Michael Jackson is mentioned. It’s a fact, and it’s a way of life. So get over it, and move on with your life, people. Anyway, we begin in the suite, where one of the guys says that he would rather see Melissa come back because Kristi’s supposed to be stronger. At least you’ve got one supporter, Melissa! The dude doesn’t get his wish, since Melissa’s long since fired and on her way back to that Bally’s Total Fitness Center to re-apologize to the Hispanics and give them back their money that she knows they felt “cheated out of.”

    Trump summons the candidates to Trump Park Avenue, which is apparently the building that Omarosa got the “concussion” in. “A year ago, Omarosa got hit on the head with a piece of plaster, and if you listed to her, it was a brick.” Yeah, and that plaster episode gave Omarosa a career, launching her into the world of writing, talk shows, The Surreal Life (why didn’t you use the knife on her, Janice?!), and public infamy. So shove it, Trump!

    Apparently, this is the generic, every-season car episode, but this time it’s with Lamborghinis. The teams must create a 30-second video advertisement as well as several print ads to be presented in front of some hot shot executives. Men cheer. Women smile. Men cheer again. Because, honestly, they have SOOOOO much of an edge in this one! “We have the edge because we understand the concept, we understand the product. We’ve dreamed of Lamborghinis since we were 10-years-old.” But women don’t understand the concept of cars. Because they can’t drive. And they can’t make commercials because they’re women. Is that what he’s getting at? Plus, why doesn’t the women’s team have the “edge”? After all, isn’t that their name? Sorry…bad joke.

    Project Managers are found in Marshawn for Capital Edge and Chris for Excel Corporation. The first order of business for Excel is to make a meeting with the said executives and find out what they’re looking for in the ad campaign. Markus brings up a crappy and clichéd slogan for the ads, “Smooth as Silk.” I don’t get it, but Markus kind of freaks me out, so I won’t say anything about him. ‘Cause he may kill me. In the face.

    Meanwhile, Capital Edge goes right to shooting, or so it seems. Marshawn gives the videographing jobs to Alla, the Russian pole-dancer. I’m gonna call her X for short. That is her stripper name, after all. Well, Ecstasy is her full name, but they call her X as a nickname. Kinda cute, isn’t it? Whatever, I’ll stop badmouthing X because she’s apparently worth $12 million. My question for her would go something like, “Why are you doing the freakin’ Apprentice if you’re worth twelve million freakin’ dollars?!” That’s one crazy stripper.

    Commercial Break…………And now we’re back, with some Words from the Donald. “Be Flexible,” he advises. If you don’t adapt you will fail and/or die. Like in the jungle. Or on an island. Or in France.

    Over at Excel Corporation, the men are having a little bit of trouble with Markus. You see, they’re trying to shoot a scene for their video ad that consists of an older Lamborghini model morphing into the new Lamborghini model, but they aren’t allowed to stop the traffic, so they have to wait for a light. Chris, being an idiot, puts my man Markus in charge of that. But you have to understand that Markus blows, and he doesn’t do it right. So everyone flips out and then Josh ponders that “you might even think he’s part of the women’s team,” which is, firstly, very sexist, but more importantly, extremely hypocritical; Josh owns a Beauty Company. ‘Nuff said.

    Then the Excel team members try their hand at the print ads, and they actually look pretty good. Pretty boring, but not terrible. Excel, though, is enamored by their work, and Carolyn just has to point out, “I think that Excel Corporation is so in love with their idea that they’re perhaps going to miss some of their flaws.” Well played. What doesn’t make sense to me, and what I assume will be the team’s downfall (because of the episode title), is not capitalizing “Italian,” as well as the confusion with “Green with Envy,” another ad slogan. Actually, Markus points out the “Green with Envy” confusion, wondering if the Lamborghini is green with envy or whether the other people are green with envy. Mark, though, decides to keep it the way he originally made it, and they don’t think much of it. Still, I don’t really know that Excel Corporation will lose until Mark says, “I’ve never been so sure of a victory in my life. I am guaranteeing this team a victory.” On The Apprentice, you know what that means. They’re gonna lose.

    And they do, but before the presentations begin, Randal is showing Phlying in Trump’s Helicopter to Philly for his grandmom’s Phuneral. Sorry, that was insensitive. But honestly, do you think that Trump paid for the funeral? It was kind of his fault. (…think about it…)

    Well, Randal makes it back in time for the presentations, but it really doesn’t matter. The girls have the guys beat automatically. The women start their presentation all in a line, and each candidate says a different word to sum up the essence of a Lamborghini, with words like “Envy,” “Self-Confidence,” and “Liver-Licious.” Not that last one. Anyway, then they show their video, which is actually really intriguing. It asks a question, and then shows a part of the car, like “Are you in control?” and then showing the…thing. I don’t know what it’s called. Get over it. Then at the end there’s a slogan that X and Jennifer Murphy came up with, “Do You Need Permission?” Pretty effective.

    The men’s video, however, looks like one of those local channel commercials. You know, the ones with the crappy sound and fuzzy picture. The still photos shown look like they could be taken right out of a used car dealership brochure. And the print ads, in the end, look very cheesy, and the explanation is even worse. PM Chris tries to explain the one, which has the reflection of a Lamborghini in the water, by saying that water is like the purest substance alive and that even though it can cause catastrophic things it’s still the lifeblood of the world and that it symbolizes the rebirth of the Lamborghini. Yeah. Chris is a sweaty, puffy, crack whore. And his campaign sucks. That’s his bad, not mine.

    The hot shot executives agree, as they say “That’s the difference between men and women. Men say it, women feel it.” Then Trump comes into the room for the decision, the executives question the men on some of their decisions (ie: Green with Envy(?) or (I)talian). So the men lose and the women win, and Marshawn becomes the first Apprentice player to be granted exemption by her teammates, even though Kristi doesn’t agree, because she feels that Marshawn didn’t do anything. “She didn’t get her feet wet!” Boo hoo.

    Later, Capital Edge goes on their very boring reward to an ice rink to skate with some dudes in jerseys. So I’ll just tell you the interesting part. Rebecca falls on ice, smashes ankle, world go kaboom. That sucks. It’ll be resolved later. Like, in the next episode.

    If you think about it, Rebecca’s pretty lucky. Instead of getting fired, she got iced! Hahaha! You get it?! Ahh. Speaking of, Team Excel makes the walk of shame down to the boardroom, but not before Markus harasses (verbally and sexually) some girl from Capital Edge into listening to his dilemma. You can tell she’s not intrigued by the way that she nods her head after everything he says. Just an observation.

    “Down” in the boardroom, Carolyn is smokin’ with longer hair. She gets prettier each year. Next thing you know, she’ll be taking on a stripper name like C or maybe X squared. You never know. Anyway, Trump walks into the room in a tuxedo (“Pardon the tuxedo. I don’t like wearing tuxedoes to boardrooms,” he says.), and starts grilling the men about their decisions, starting with the whole disrespecting Italians thing. Mark explains that, as well as the Green with Envy thing, and the Trumpster forewarns PM Chris that it would be wise to pull Mark into the second boardroom. Then, one of the men says something about how interesting the print ad looks, and Carolyn, being herself, interjects, “I think it’s quite boring!” On that note, Trump tells Chris to pull two people back into the boardroom, and Chris, seeing that Kristi got away with it last week, chooses only one – Markus. Trump, Carolyn, and George are utterly surprised, confused that he didn’t pull in any of the team members responsible for the creative aspect (or lack-there-of) of the project. Still, Markus has the chance to be eliminated. After all, “He talks too much,” George says, “I think we may have to get a muzzle for him.”

    Well, looks like talking too much doesn’t get you fired in this show, and “synergy” (a term that reminded me all too much of In Good Company) doesn’t really mean much, seeing how the idiotic Chris, who showed promise as a leader, is fired with a sharp hit on the table. “You have great potential. Now get out of here,” are Trump’s final words to Chris, but to Markus, he tacks on, “I don’t see you lasting long.” Stupidly, Markus says, “Well…I’ll prove ya wrong.” Cue the eye roll from Ms. Future X Squared.

    Next time on The Apprentice, The Donald aims to insult again, but this time to a group that he’s avoided for far too long – the elderly! What a cult! This time, the candidates are going to have to teach the old folks how to use electronics like the X-Box and what not. How sweet! I’m gonna tape this episode for my grandmother! Honestly though, how insulting can one show get? First the (thankfully) failed Black vs. White gimmick for season 5, and now this? What is the world coming to? Next thing you know some ex-convict will be getting her own show.

    - Adam Polaski