The Assistant

Season 1 Episode 4

Clean up in Aisle Vomit

Aired Monday 10:30 PM Aug 02, 2004 on MTV - Music Television

Episode Recap

In this episode, Andy teaches the world a very important rule about Hollyweird: It does NOT take a sick day! After the frightful fire-filled last elimination round, Andy wakes up with a horrible ailment. And if Andy doesn't feel well, he will make sure that his assistants truly understand his pain. In other words, he uses the trusty siren to wake them up at the crack of dawn. The assistants spring from their beds and bound into Andy's room in their pajamas, only to find their boss curled over a big ceramic bowl. From this point on, the bowl is the "vomit bucket." Andy informs the assistants that each one of them have a separate job, in order to keep Andy's busy life on track, as he is clearly out of commission for the day. The assistants are assigned various tasks: Anna must research a script with Jack Osborne, Tanika and Mykell have to reserve a star for Andy on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, Melissa and Stefani are given Andy's "little brother" for the day and Mark is given the honor of impersonating his famous boss for a Japanese interview. And Colin, Andy's token favorite, is provided with the most personal task: he has to break up with (or in other words, clip) Andy's girlfriend. But when he's not doing that, Andy begs for him to remove the contents of the vomit bucket.

Before the assistants even start equally busy days, they feel the heat. They've never been given tasks of this magnitude, and as they get closer to the end, all eyes are on the prize. The vomiting, coughing, crying and moaning may make Andy's day tough, but it seems like the assistants are having their fair share of pain. But hey--no pain, no gain!

The road is rocky from the beginning for Melissa and Stefani, who prove to be inadequate caretakers to Andy's "little brother." The precocious youngster tells the two assistants that he is not amused by them, and that they are not funny like Andy. He is also disappointed that they do not have the electric scooter and cell phone that Andy had previous promised him. Whatever happened to checkers and comic books? Upon learning that the Hollyweird library is closed on Sundays, Anna skips out on her mission and accompanies Jack Osborne to the skating rink. Andy tells Anna that he understands if she and Jack want to hump on the ice, but any experienced Andy-watcher can tell that he is in no way pleased with Anna's behavior. As usual, Colin seems to take the cake in this episode, making sure Andy's girlfriend completely understands that her status has been changed from current to ex. It's no surprise that Andy gave this task to the group's hottest stud. Unfortunately Tanika and Mykell do not accomplish the goal of their mission, leaving their boss starless still. Mark follows suit, just as unsuccessful as the majority of the assistants. Andy showed him the tricks to a good impersonation, such as various Andyisms, a high-pitched squeak, and those thick-rimmed glasses. But Mark decides to take matters into his own hands and put a towel underneath his cap, in the hopes of creating a semblance of Andy's own flaxen streaks. The Japanese reporters know their American comedians, and they quickly realize the front. Andy is made a fool, and he declares that Mark's mistake has put him in a vat of hot vomit. Just like hot water, but a lot worse!

Andy gathers his assistants into a corporate boardroom for this episode's elimination. After all, Andy Dick is not just a person, but a business too. Tanika and Mykell are the first two assistants sent back to safety, after "fluffing Andy's feathers" and assuring him that his star is a work in progress. Melissa and Stefani admit to Andy that they didn't mind spending time with his "little brother," and their ability to tolerate the bastard (as Andy so kindly calls him) truly impresses him. So they, too, are sent back to the refuge of the garage. Colin is rewarded for a job well done, as Andy does his best Donald Trump, telling him that he is "NOT fired." Five are safe, while two are left sitting in the hot seat. Andy takes the professional position and asks Mark and Anna why they deserve to stay. After mumbling about his ability to make Andy laugh and his understanding of what Andy truly wants, Mark looks back at Andy with the same cocky grin that he started with. Andy's maid and butler have no input to give, so Andy makes the decision that it seems he wanted to make a long time ago: "Mark, you're fired!" Apparently there's only room for one asshole in the Dick household, and as we all know well, that asshole is Andy himself.

In a touching goodbye, the assistants clamor together in a vibrant refrain of "I Will Survive," attempting to show Mark that there is life after A. Dick. The assistants claim that they are sad Mark must leave, and some of them even admit a belief that he deserves to stay. But let's get real guys: this isn't show friends, it's show business!