Today is the big day. No sirens going off. No assistants running to fetch Andy's coffee. All is quiet at Andy's mansion. There are two remaining assistants, Mark and Melissa. Andy sits in his room debating on who he should choose as The Assistant. He says he'll be happy when this whole process is all over--it's messing with his head. His therapist says he isn't in good shape. Oh well! Andy can't dwell on that now, he has a performance to get ready for.
Andy, Mark and Melissa head out to the Improv, the comedy club where Andy will be performing tonight. When they arrive at the club Andy is already upset because he didn't have enough time to get his act together, and neither of the assistants called for makeup or hair. The assistants know they're in for a long day. Their first task is to write an 80's song for Andy to sing onstage with his band. Mark and Melissa get together and the wheels start turning--out of nowhere Mark yells out, "Ace Monster!" Andy goes with it and they have their song. Great! Well, things aren't great anymore once Andy performs the new song on stage and no one laughs. Crickets! The assistants sit at a table nervously waiting for the performance to be over. Andy realizes that the audience didn't like the performance and storms off stage. Roaring and rampaging at the assistants Andy yells at them about what a ridiculous song it was and how yet again, they made him look like a fool.
The group goes back to the mansion and Mark and Melissa know what is coming next--"elimination time, bitches!" As Andy sets out for the final elimination ceremony, he's still struggling with the decision that lies ahead of him. He reflects on past memorable moments that he has had with the two assistants. He remembers calling Mark a lying, cheating, stealing a-hole. And he recalls sitting in the limo with Melissa commenting on how cute she was and that she shouldn't think that she will win because of it. Andy almost gets teary-eyed as he prepares for the final clipping.
Mark and Melissa walk out onto the driveway where Andy has trumpet players, fairy dancers, and of course, the red carpet. (What Hollywood ceremony would be complete without all of these things?) The two assistants watch as Andy rides up on a white horse. Everything is fairytale-like...until Andy can't get down off his horse. Like a good assistant, Melissa helps him down. Andy looks over the two assistants, still not sure of which one he'll keep and which one he'll send walking. He asks each of them why they think he should pick them. Melissa begins but is interrupted by Andy because she keeps repeating herself. Mark begins his speech but is cut off because he runs out of intelligent words to use. Andy says he was dealt twelve cards and they were all jokers...but someone has to win. Andy hesitates, then asks if Mark would kindly step up. Mark grabs Melissa's hand and steps up to Andy with a sigh of relief and a smile on his face. Once he steps up, Andy asks him to keep walking down the driveway because he has been CLIPPED! Melissa steps up with a roar of laughter and happiness and gives Andy a hug. Andy forces the precious medallion over her head and crowns her "The Assistant." Congratulations, Melissa! Andy tells her what she has won: A new cell phone, a new wardrobe, a new car, and a job at MTV. Andy and Melissa hop in her new car and stroll past Mark, out of the driveway, and on to live happy ever after in "Hollyweird!"