The Bachelorette

Season 9 Episode 5

Week 5

1
Aired Monday 8:00 PM Jun 24, 2013 on ABC
8.5
out of 10
User Rating
8 votes
1

EPISODE REVIEWS
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Episode Summary

EDIT
Desiree and the bachelors travel to Europe, where she and Chris explore Munich; Desiree and seven guys enjoy the German Alps; Brooks and James face off.
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SUBMIT REVIEW
  • Much drama in Munich (spoilers)

    7.0
    The Bachelorette

    Bryden; seriously? Selfish much? Not only did you stick around when some other guy could of gotten the rose, but now you are crashing her date? Not cool, man. You couldn't just wait until after her date? Like sit back and munch on chocolate and watch some p*rn like a man until she gets back? Hmmmm someone is a drama queen and likes to be the center of attention. You are a jerk.

    A two on one date with Ben and Michael? We all know she's going to choose Ben because he has that lovley Ted Bundy vibe that all bachelorettes flock too. He seems to good to be true, and he has a baby mama, so we know somehow, someway, along the line he pissed some girl off somewhere. Also if history has taught us nothing it's usually the guy that all the others hate, and the girl all the others hate, who gets chosen. The competitors can smell the attraction so they hate the chosen one. And the chosen one usually has some sort of personality disorder that makes them socially inept to deal with members of the same sex.

    Ah, Chris wrote her a poem. He should write lyrics for Puff daddy. It falls short of shakespeare, but it's still more classy then "gave her extra All I can think of on her date with Chris, is gawwwwwwwwdddddddddddddd I want that dress.

    So I am super jazzed that they sent Brooks on the group date so he didn't have to face elimination, but after his finger got taken out in dodge ball, why not put him on the snow mountain of death? This seems like a brilliant plan ABC producers. Kinda like last season of the Bachelor (Sean's season) where I wasn't sure if I was watching The Bachelor or Survivor.

    That igloo hotel made me think of Superman. I was expecting the man of steel to bust out and be like, you all can go home. I got this. and then Desi to be like "no boys, stick around he's faster then a speeding bullet. This won't take and then Lois Lane busts in and she's all like, "He's my boyfriend! You said you needed time! I can't believe this! You are a lying pig!" and then Jonathan the pervy creep from night one who wanted to go to the fantasy suite within minutes of meeting her, shows up, in a man thong, rose in mouth, and he's all like "you want me now, babe?" This show would be far more exciting if I directed it. I may be blurring episodes together. I don't know. I've got a headcold and I've had some cough syrup. Either way there would be something for everyone.

    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Shut-up about Bryden. Who cares? Why do women spend so much time wining about the one who left and not appreciating the ones that are there? There are plenty of men that would do anything to tap that sweet ass, forget the one who decided he couldn't wait.

    AH group dates. But ahoy! Brooks gets the rose! OMG! Maybe an actual decent human being is going to end up with Desiree. James should stop complaining. The previews have kinda set him up as a bad guy so I guess we will see what happens.

    Ah, the two on one doesn't look so bleak now. Michael is a lawyer after all. That's exactly what this show needs, a little Law and Order thrown in to shake stuff up. He can get Ben to crack. And I want him to crack. From the very beginning of the date you can feel the tension between those two men. Dez kinda tries to be almost flippiant about it though, she's all like, "oh, I'm looking forward to this! This is going to be fun!" Yeah two attractive and simalar looking men biding for your attention, that I am sure IS fun. Ah the hot tug. If you happen to get up and go get a bottle of wine from your kitchen and only hear that instead of the polor bear plunge they are doing the "hot tug", well, your mind can go to some very dirty places indeed. Instead i see them in some warped version of the teacups in Disneyland, floating in a giant hot tub tug boat in the middle of the lake. It's the coolest thing, I have EVER seen. I must try that if I ever get the chance. I won't tell my boyfriend the details until he sees the contraption, I want to get him intersted in a Hot Tug with some of my friends.

    Well, Mike is right. Ben is playing both sides of the fence and not really giving her an anwser. His parents should of named him Kennedy. And then Ben uses lines from country songs to describe the girl he wants. If Ben gets the rose, I should say Michael, you need a new job. You have failed EPICLY. Come on! I HATE Ben's generic baby daddy cop out. "I don't really want to go into details" (uh-huh as you rub your face which right there means, you feel icky) "But I think we were meant to be together so we could have a son, but not be together for Yeah. I want to slap you harder then Chanelle slapped Brad for all the baby mama's in America. You are using your son to get tail. Hoochie bait. Except I don't think Dez is a hoochie. She kinda makes me think of her as a cute, Disney Princess that you want nothing bad to happen to ever. It might be her continuous references to this being "a dream come true" and "I am living a fairy Honey, in the fairy tales you only get one. Oooooh Ben. You used your son to get brownie points, and now your son is being used against you as a weapon. I haven't decided if I approve of Mike's tactics. But Ben keeps repeating how he is such a good Christian and such a good man, and that urks me. But I feel Ben will win, because Dez will feel soooo bad for Ben. After all, he left his son, to meet her.

    Back at the hotel the other guys, these boys crack me up! It reminds me of a meeting of the greek gods. They are talking about James, not being there for the right reasons. Apparently James said that back in Chicago he can get attractive, tall, rich women for him and his buddy Mikey if things don't work out with Dez. (What's so wrong with short, attractive rich women? If they are rich can't they buy heels?) And how if he can get into the top four he could be the next bachelor. Yet none of this conversation happened on camera. So where's the proof? If Casey is making it up, I either have to give him mad props for his brilliant manipulations, or hate him for his brilliant manipulations.

    Ben is still in the hot seat on his date. Why doesn't he get along with the other boys? Because he's only focused on Dez. fair enough. But every villian on this show has used that same tired line. Hehe. Well, Ben didn't go to church on Easter. Huh. On the one hand, Michael looks like an ass for calling him out on it, but, Ben really is caught, not doing the very thing he said is SO important to him. It does crack me up the way that Mike is non-chalantely chewing on his meal while ripping this guy a new one. Fantastic. Of course this does make Dez really uncomfortable and i can see why. Ben retreats like a wounded puppy, and Mike remains an honest, but edgy opponent. Dez might send them both home. I sure hope not. I want to see one of these two go up against her brother. I really, really do. I don't think she can loose both of them though. She all ready lost Bryden and she's got to draw things out. Ben's eyes really droop when he's backed into a cornor though.

    OMG! IT HAPPENED! BEN'S OUT! YES! YES! Okay Dez, you have been promoted to Mulan. And Ben's true colors are at last reveled. He's cussing, and crying, and saying she made a poor decision. He is so rude. He is such a jerk. Already bar hoping and wanting to be photographed with other girls. "You missed out on the single dad from Texas, Honey, a two-faced arvardk would be more attractive and have more sex appeal then you right now. You are the worst kind of person.

    Ugh. All these guys look the same. They are like 1950's Ken dolls. No cocktail party? No one on one time, how will she know that James is being deceptive? Especially since last week he got to play the good samaritan by "giving" that charming couple their date. So of course James does not get sent home but his conspiritor does. They have to save some drama for next week. It seems kind of strange that it was those two who were saved for last. Well, we shall see what happens next week.moreless

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