The Bedford Diaries Season 1 Episode 6

Katrina: If I didn't know you were too mature for games, I'd say you just put the ball on the fifty-yard line.
Jake: Hut hut.

Dean: Oh Ms. Lopez? That speech you had planned? You had more planned?
Zoe: Lots.
Dean: Next time, I'd skip the part about the fallopian tubes.

Zoe: I wanna be the new Bedford beaver.
Dean: Well then you should try out like everyone else.
Zoe: Exactly! But that weasel Peter Wartman is saying there's never been a female beaver and I can't audition.
Dean: Tell me, did I fall asleep and wake up in the fifties?
Zoe: No.
Dean: Well then good luck at the tryouts.

Sarah: Next order of business: the spirit commitee. Peter Wartman and Chris Hernandez have the floor.
Chris: We lost our beaver.
Peter: Evan Stroll has quit as the Bedford mascot. He's hung up his beaver tail.
Dean: A tragedy of epic proportions.
Sarah: What happened?
Chris: It started the first week of the semester.
Peter: He was drinking on duty. He danced on a pool table with a football player's girlfriend. Took a beating.
Chris: Then just last week, he was pummeled by the Carlsberg State shark.
Peter: This is just two days after being practically violated by the St. Elmo Friar.

Jake: Life rule #6: You can't anticipate passion. Or a panther attack.

Natalie (about the clinic closing): How can Bedford not have enough money? This school has a huge endowment. They're always fundraising, the alums are cash cows.
Doctor Sharif: Campus security is the new black.

Jake: So no passion is bad. And too much is bad. Sure. If you're passionate about Maker's Mark.

Mr. Thorne: You know you should grab your girl and get the hell out of here. You two haven't spend any time together at all.
Richard: You know she's networking, it's fine.
Mr. Thorne: It doesn't look to be your style to be the wall flower.

(Owen is disappointed because Sara doesn't want to help him)
Owen: (to Sara) You only want to help people, when they can do something you. I knew, you're such a great politician. (pause) Well you're a lousy sister! And a not to great human being.

Richard: ..So what if she liked more what I could do for her more than she actually liked me? I set it up. I asked her. How does that mean that she used me? I guess she was just never as passionate about me as I was about her. Passion is pain.