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The Beverly Hillbillies

Season 6 Episode 9

A Plot for Granny

Aired Unknown Nov 01, 1967 on CBS
out of 10
User Rating
81 votes

By TV.com Users

Episode Summary

A Plot for Granny
For Granny's birthday, the Clampetts plan to surprise her with some land in the country. Jed calls a number Jethro saw an ad for. However the Clampetts do now know they are calling a cemetery. After a misunderstanding, the men from the cemetery begin believing the Clampetts are cold-blooded killers, having killed an entire family named Green, Granny, and Mrs. Drysdale. Of course, they are talking about planting vegetables and planting a tree for Mrs. Drysdale. After they visit, they see Granny, thinking the alcohol Jed offers brings her back to life. They leave and Granny sees a scarecrow of her, thinking she's dead, and swears not to drink again.moreless

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  • Just doesn't get any better...

    The writers and producers of this show just blow me away; so, so very funny in what is really a jab at people who generalize others too easily. No one could be as dumb and stupid as the Clampetts..it's just ridiculous. But the writing with a subtle social narrative just makes this stuff fun to watch, and it's just hilarious.

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (17)

    • Brubaker: Is Granny still in the corn patch?
      Jed: Oh no. She's stretched out in the root cellar. It's cooler there.
      Mortimer: Uh, Mr. Clampett, I'd like to suggest that Mr. Brubaker and I take Granny back to Happy Valley with us.
      Jed: No, no. We'll fetch her out day after tomorrow. That's her birthday.
      Brubaker: Well, that's a very sweet sentiment Mr. Clampett, but I wouldn't wait two days.
      Jed: Well, if we don't, it's gonna spoil the celebration.
      Brubaker & Mortimer: Celebration?!
      Jed: Yeah. Jethro made her that pine box.
      Mortimer: Uh, could I perhaps suggest something in bronze?
      Jed: Well, no. The boy worked hard on that. It's kinda rough, but uh, it ain't the gift, it's the thought.
      Mortimer: And uh, your daughter Elly made that marble thing?
      Jed: Yeah, that's part of the celebration. We thought we'd put them and Granny on the truck, go out to Happy Valley and have a picnic.
      Brubaker: A picnic?
      Jed: Yeah, you know. Music, dancing, vittles, a kind of box social.

    • Brubaker: Have you heard anything from the police?
      Jed: Well, uh no. For a while there, I was afraid Mrs. Drysdale next door was gonna call em, but we think we figured a way to keep her quiet. (to Jethro) Jethro! You got that hole dug fer Mrs. Drysdale?!
      Jethro: Yes sir, Uncle Jed!
      Jed: Fine and dandy! We'll plant her as quick as we take care of Granny!

    • Elly: He cut into my cake.
      Jed: How'd ya do that boy?
      Jethro: With a hammer and chizzle.
      Elly: You gimme that! You done ruined by marble cake!
      Jethro: Marble is right. I done broke two chizzles on it.

    • Granny: How bout a night cap?
      Jed: Good idea. Pull it down over yer ears.

    • (Granny gets Bessie to give her some of her moonshine)
      Jed: Granny! You have hit a new low. Drinkin' with a ape.

    • (Jed tells Jethro to dig a whole to replant a tree he cut down from the Drysdales' yard as Elly comes)
      Elly: Look here Pa, I baked Granny a birthday cake.
      Jed: Well now, would ya look at that.
      Jethro: Hey, that's hard as a rock.
      Jed: Boy, go dig a hole.
      Jethro: Yes sir. Want me to bury it pan and all?

    • Jed: Did he tell ya I want plenty room to put in some greens?
      Mortimer: Mr. Clampett, you can have one entire section of Happy Valley just for the Greens. We'll call it "Green Acres."

    • Brubaker: Where is the loved one now?
      Jed: Who?
      Brubaker: Y- Granny.
      Jed: Oh, she's out back in the corn patch.
      Brubaker: In the corn patch?
      Jed: Makes a dandy scarecrow.
      Elly: See her yonder? She's propped up against that clothes line post.
      Brubaker: You don't intend to leave her out there like that do you?
      Jed: Oh she's all right. Just betweenst you and me, she's pretty well pickled.
      Brubaker: Pickled?!
      Jed: She was commencin' to stiffen up.

    • Brubaker: As a matter of fact, I think I'm having a chill.
      Jed: Well, have a slug of this.
      Brubaker: No thank you.
      Jed: Good fer what ails ya. Sure took care of Granny.
      Brubaker: What do you mean?
      Jed: Two drinks of that, she didn't feel a thing.

    • Elly: Here's a man to see ya Pa.
      Brubaker: Oh, it's about your mother-in-law, Granny.
      Jed: Ya ain't from the police are ya?
      Brubaker: No, I'm from-
      Jed: Good. I was hopin' they hadn't heard about the shootin'.
      Brubaker: There's been a shooting?
      Jed: Just Granny.

    • Mortimer: I want you to try to sell them a family plot. These people are loaded.
      Brubaker: I see there are four in the family.
      Mortimer: Yeah, but I want you to sell them five plots, one for their banker.
      Brubaker: Their banker?
      Mortimer: Believe me, when Clampett goes, that guy'll kill himself. Ya know, come to think of it, the banker's married too. Sell em a six pack.
      Brubaker: Mr. Mortimer, try to remember you're not peddling beer anymore.

    • Jed: Ya see, Granny don't wanna be burying in the city, 'specially in the backyard.
      Mortimer: Well I should hope not. As a matter of fact, it's against the law.
      Jed: Oh yeah, we found that out. Every time we go to diggin', our neighbor calls the police.

    • Jed: I'm wantin' to buy a nice plot of ground fer Granny.
      Mortimer: I see. Jed Clampett. And you want something nice for your grandmother.
      Jed: Well, no. Strictly speaking, she's my mother in law.
      Mortimer: Oh? Something inexpensive then.

    • Jed: Granny, suppose you go out and look after yer corn crop.
      Granny: What's the use? Nobody can grow nothin' around here. What with the crybabies, the crows, and the bats.
      Jed: We ain't got no bats.
      Granny: What about the old bat next door?!

    • Elly: She's makin' a nervous wreck outta him.
      Granny: I'll make a pie out of him! The idea. Draggin' in dead birds!
      Jed: Didn't look very dead to me.
      Granny: That rock salt preserves.

    • Jed: What'd ya shoot Granny?
      Granny: Shot my hat.
      Jed: What fer?
      Granny: There was a crow settin' on it, that's what fer.
      Jed: Granny, you're gettin' too old to do yer own scarecrowin'. Yer joints will lock on ya. Why don't ya let me make ya one?
      Granny: Cause there ain't no scarecrow that can shoot straight.
      Jed: You didn't do too good yourself.

    • (Mr. Mortimer is talking to Jed over the phone)
      Mr. Mortimer: Uh, Mr. Clampett, are you, by any chance, on welfare?
      Jed: No sir, Crestview. 518 Crestview Drive.
      Mr. Mortimer: Uh, no, no. I'm referring to your ability to meet your obligations. I appreciate you calling Happy Valley, but I will hafta ask about credit.
      Jed: Well, Jethro seen your sign, so uh, I reckon he oughta get the credit.

  • NOTES (2)

    • Richard Deacon would later return in Season 9 to play Dr. Klinger, a psychiatrist who helps Granny and her problem with Elly dating what she thinks is someone who is half-man/half frog, actually a Naval Frogman.

    • Raymond Bailey and Nancy Kulp do not appear in this episode.