Elly May Clampett
Daisy Moses "Granny"
Granny says that Elly May is about to turn twenty. So when they went out there, Elly would have been about thirteen. When the show started, Elly didn't look that young. She looked like she was in her late teens, not her early teens.
Granny describes Elverna Bradshaw's daughter as the "homeliest girl in the hills." But in one of the first episodes, Jethro said she was the "prettiest girl in the hills."
Jed: We've been out here in Beverly Hills fer goin' on to eight years now, and the wildest thing we seen yet is that movie star lives down the street.
Granny: Which one?
Jed: One with the long blonde hair, wears them wild clothes and jewelry, walks with a wiggle. You know the fella.
Jethro: College is fun. There's lots of fellas, and lots of girls. And quick as I can learn to tell em apart, it's gonna be a lot more fun.
Jethro: I'm ain't going back to the hills. I'm a college man.
Jane: Well, don't they have schools?
Jethro: Yeah, but back there they make ya come inside and study.
Jethro: I'm fightin' for intellectual freedom. I'm throwin' off the shackles of economic power structure and putting down you corporate interteasing conglomerates. I have done solved my identity problem. I know where I'm going and who I am. I'm free to make up my own mind and do my own thing.
Jed: And what is that?
Jethro: They ain't told me yet.
Granny: Here it is, in black and white.
Granny: Elverna's daughter is gettin' married.
Granny: I don't believe it.
Jed: I'm afraid it's true Granny.
(Granny grabs Jed's arm about as he is going to raise the spoon to his mouth)
Granny: Do you realize what this means?
Jed: I'm afraid it means I ain't gonna eat this cereal.
Granny: A mountain lion has ate Jethro!
Jed: Now Granny, if you was to tell me that Jethro had ate a mountain lion.
Jed: What happened to yer pretty dress?
Elly: Well, I traded it for these groovy threads that I got at the campus slop shop.
Jed: Slop shop?
Jane: I think she means Swap Shop.
Granny: Look again. She was right.
Jane: Do you mind if I have a bowl of cereal?
Jed: Help yourself. And uh lots of luck.
Granny: I'll get you a bowl Miss Jane. I'm glad to see somebody else getting' some cereal. Jed has been stuffin' hisself all mornin'.
(Jed's trying to eat cereal and Granny grabs his arm)
Granny: How can ya sit there eating cereal at a time like this?
Jed: It ain't easy.
(Granny comes in the kitchen to find Jed trying to finally eat a bowl of cereal)
Granny: Jed, not another bowl of cereal.
Jed: That's right. Not another bowl of cereal.
(Mr. Drysdale picks Granny up because he thought they left for the hills already)
Jane: He was afraid you'd gone back to the hills to find the family beauty a husband.
Granny: I ain't lookin' fer no husband!
(Granny comes looking for Jed and finds him at the table with a bowl of cereal)
Granny: Are you still eatin' cereal?
Jed: It looks like it.
(Jed is able to pour himself a bowl of cereal, not having success with the previous bowls he was trying to eat)
Jed: Well, look at that, just enough cereal left for one more bowl.
Jethro: Thank ya Uncle Jed. When you're hungry, ain't nothin' like a bowl of cereal.
Jed: Ain't nothin' like it as far as I'm concerned.
Granny: I told ya I seen a man eating beast.
Jed: Yep. Now, if you'll fetch me another bowl, you'll see a man eating cereal.
(Granny is mad about Elly's mountain lion Herman, saying that Herman ate Jethro)
Granny: Well, he did and yer Pa's fixing to shoot him.
Elly: Please don't Pa!
Granny: Do what ya hafta do Jed. Kin folks comes ahead of varmints!
Elly: You ain't gonna do it er ya Pa?
Jed: Looks like the only thing I ain't gonna do fer sure is eat this cereal.
Drysdale: Oh Mr. Clampett, do you want that beautiful sweet daughter of yours to marry some barefoot, ragged, slovenly, unwashed clod?
Jed: No sir. That's the reason I wanna go home. I wanna get her away from them college boys.
Student 1: Wanna swing?
Student 2: Cool.
Student 1: Groovy. Let's split.
Student 2: At last! A meaningful relationship.
(Mr. Drysdale grabs a knife so he can stop the Clampetts)
Jane: Chief! What are you going to do?!
Drysdale: I'm going to stab all four of them!
Jane: No! (grabs his arm)
Drysdale: Let go of me! They're not driving back to the hills!
Jane: Chief, come to your senses! You can't use that on the Clampetts!
Drysdale: I don't intend to. I'm going to puncture the tires on their truck! They'll have to get them out of a catalog. It'll take three weeks to get new ones!
Drysdale: Granny, you don't want to go back to the hills with eighty five million dollars?!
Granny: It's better than nothin'.
Drysdale: So you're going on a little trip? Palm Springs? Lake Arrowhead?
Granny: No, we's goin' to God's country.
Drysdale: Fort Knox?
Drysdale: I just invested eighty five million dollars by long distance telephone. And I can't afford to argue with those hillbillies.
Miss Jane: Why not?
Drysdale: Because it's their eighty five million.
(Granny is trying to tell Jed how the family will be shamed if Bigmouth Bradshaw marries before Elly)
Granny: Then think about Jethro. Why he's a boy with a lot of pride. He's lible to leave home.
Jed: Not as long as we got vittles here.
This is the first of several appearances of future Director Rob Reiner,and the first of several out of town episodes for the cast.
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