Elly May Clampett
Daisy Moses "Granny"
Apparently the Army never needed Jethro. He enlisted in this episode, but he was never called to active duty in the years to follow.
In the episode "Granny Lives It Up," it is said that Granny is 77 years old, meaning she was born in 1889. So in this episode, if she did win that beauty contest, she would have been a young girl.
If Granny was in a beauty contest in 1897, she must be at least between 75 to 90 years old.
Colonel Blake: However, before I administer the oath, there are a couple things I'd like to discuss with you.
Jethro: Yes sir?
Colonel Blake: Now let's take your application. You're going to be filling out a lot of other forms, and I want to give you a tip.
Jethro: Thank ya.
Colonel Blake: Name, address, date of birth, that's okay. But Jethro, where it says "Sex," write "Male," not "Oh boy."
Jethro: Excuse me Colonel Blake, but have ya finished grading my test papers yet?
Colonel Blake: Yes.
Jethro: Was I the highest in the class?
Colonel Blake: By a good half foot.
(Granny takes off her robe to reveal her bathing suit she wore at a beauty contest in 1897)
Granny: Well, don't just sit there soldier, say somethin'!
Grant: Put it on! Put it on!
Jane: Chief. You can't fool Granny with those phony blood stains.
Drysdale: What do you mean, "phony?" When anyone threatens to take fifteen million dollars out of my bank, I bleed.
Colonel Blake: You say he's had twelve years of schooling?
Jed: Clean through the sixth grade.
Colonel Blake: Oh I see, twelve years, sixth grade. But he was the highest in his class?
Jed: By a good two feet.
Granny: Let's put it this way: You still have a perfect record.
Grant: I have?
Granny: You ain't never won a battle agin the South.
Drysdale: Granny's drawing her money out of my bank and it's your fault!
Jane: My fault?!
Drysdale: Whose idea was it to dress me up in a Confederate general's uniform?!
Drysdale: Then whose idea was it for me to lead the charge?!
Drysdale: But whose idea was it to retreat?!
Drysdale: There, ya see, I'm the only one around here who ever comes up with an idea!
Granny: Fer a hundred and fifty year old cigar smokin', whisky drinkin', South scorchin', carpet baggin' Yankee general, he ain't a bad soul.
Jed: She thinks she captured the real Ulysses S. Grant.
Colonel Blake: He didn't tell her?
Jed: Well, no. Ya see, they had a few sips outta Granny's jug, and he wound up thinking he really was Ulysses S. Grant.
Colonel Blake: Ha ha!
Jed: Before it was over, he apologized fer Vicksburg, give back Richmond, and promised to shoot Sherman fer burning Atlanta.
(Granny and Jethro are at the shooting at the Culpepper Plantation)
Jethro: Hey look Granny. Yonder he comes.
(General Grant comes riding on his horse)
Granny: Okay General, I give ya yer chance.
(Granny shoots him off his horse)
General Grant: Ohhhhh!!!
Granny: Tell me to "put it on, put it on!" Come on Jethro, let's go home.
(Granny and Jethro leave and Grant starts getting up)
Colonel Blake: And he promised me he'd be sober!
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