Drysdale is always trying to be nice to the Clampetts' friends and family so Jed won't get offended. However, he wasn't very friendly to Shorty, with Jed in the room with him. He should have been a bit more wary of it. That could still make Jed upset.
Helen: Who's Jed Clampett?
Gloria: He's the funny old geezer with a torn hat and raunchy clothes and talks with a hillbilly drawl.
Jane: He has ninety million dollars.
Gloria: He's that distinguished looking gentleman with the casual wardrobe and darling rural accent.
(Granny is throwing suitcases from the upstairs hall into the main hall)
Jed: Ain't these Shorty Kellem's suitcases?
Granny: That's right. He's leavin'. Goin' back to the hills.
Granny: That's right.
Jed: He didn't say nothin' to be about leavin'.
Granny: He don't know it yet.
Shorty: That lye soap of yours is awful strong.
Granny: Maybe it'll wash your sins away.
Shorty: It might could. It just took two finger nails.
Shorty: I'm gonna take the eight hundred dollars I got for the Silver Dollar City Hotel and reinvest it.
Shorty: I'm gonna buy the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.
Jed: Well, I don't think I'd count on getting that for eight hundred dollars. That's a big rascal.
Shorty: If I have to, I'll go to nine. Cash talks Jed.
Helen: You know, you're a bit of a rotter you are. I was counting on a few extra pounds to help me out.
Drysdale: You're from England?
Helen: That's right, London.
Drysdale: And you'd like a few extra pounds?
Helen: Oh I'd love it!
Drysdale: Eat lots of starchy food.
Shorty: What do you reckon one of these big Beverly Hotels would cost?
Drysdale: Oh, twenty or thirty million.
Drysdale: No, cucumbers.
Shorty: Just my luck. Poppa's got his own farm and he growed taters.
(Shorty says he's going to take his money out of the bank)
Shorty: Now they's turned sour, I'm gonna get it back from the old miser.
(Jed calls Drysdale on the phone)
Jed: Miser Drysdale. (realizes what he said) Mr. Drysdale.
Jane: Chief, that was the cheapest, rottenest, most despicable act I have ever witnessed!
Drysdale: Thank you. I feel if a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing well.
Elly: Jethro, you put that gun down and go chop that wood so Shorty can rest.
Jethro: Did you hear that Shorty? Isn't that funny? I'm sittin' here with a shotgun, and this dumb old girl cousin of mine thinks she can order me around. Is she dumb or is she dumb? You're dumb. D-U-M. Dumb.
Shorty: Don't mess with him Elly May; he's big as a moose and twice as strong. Appreciate what you're trying to, no, no, no don't tangle with him. (covers his eyes) No, I can't look.
Elly: You can look now Shorty.
(Jethro is hanging from a tree branch by his night shirt)
Jethro: Like I said Shorty, she's dumb. Awful strong, but dumb.
Elly: Don't you call me dumb!
Jethro: Well ya are! How do you expect me to chop wood hanging up here?!
(Jethro takes the gun from Granny and promises to hold it on Shorty, who is chopping wood)
Shorty: Jethro, after last night I thought we was friends, pals.
Jethro: We is. Hop to it pal.
(Shorty leaves with girls after Jed told Granny he was actually behaving himself, along with Jethro)
Jed: Like I said Granny, "We all make mistakes." And I just made a whopper.
User Score: 313
User Score: 7991
User Score: 801
User Score: 193
User Score: 152
User Score: 78
User Score: 72
User Score: 48
User Score: 34
User Score: 28
User Score: 28
User Score: 16
User Score: 13
User Score: 12
User Score: 11
User Score: 10
User Score: 9
User Score: 8
User Score: 7
User Score: 6