After Granny put corks in Jethro's ears, he couldn't hear anything. But when the sergeant invites him in the Colonel's office, Jethro hears him while being out of the room. Why can Jethro hear from a slight distance but not up close?
Psychiatrist: Jethro, you don't really hate Pearl, do you?
Jethro: Heck no. I'm going right home to give her a bucket of slop.
(The Psych looks confused, still thinking of Jethro's mother as Pearl)
(The Army Psych is trying to get Jethro to talk about Pearl his mother, while he thinks they mean Pearl the pig who the family wanted to take along)
Jethro: Yes sir?
Psychiatrist: How do you feel about Pearl?
Jethro: What's there to feel? She's a pig!
Colonel Stark: Terrible thing to say boy!
Jethro: Well it's true. She smelled bad enough when it was just the four of us in the tank.
Colonel Stark: You must be Granny.
Granny: That's right.
Colonel Stark: You the one who put the corks in Jethro's ear?
Colonel Stark: Was it to keep the boy out of the draft?
Granny: No. It was to keep the draft out of the boy.
Psychiatrist: Do you have a real castle?
Jed: Yes sir.
Psychiatrist: Big one?
Jed: Yes sir.
Psychiatrist: With a moat, and drawbridge, and knights in armor?
Jed: Yes sir.
Psychiatrist: Any dragons?
Jed: Yes sir!
Colonel Stark: You must be the rich uncle.
Jed: Oh, I don't know if you could call me rich. I got about sixty, sixty-five million.
(Jethro is showing off his uniform and spinning his pistols as the Colonel asks him about his family)
Colonel Stark: Are they loaded?
Jethro: Nah. Granny's the only one that ever takes a nip.
Drysdale: Please Mr. Clampett, don't buy Jethro any more equipment. The Army will take care of that. They'll train him, outfit him, give him three square meals a day. They'll turn him into a real fighting man.
Jed: They sure will if they cut him down to three meals a day.
(Granny says she will give Jethro his physical examination)
Granny: Now, go take your clothes off baby.
Jethro: Granny, couldn't you let the Army doctors examine me?
Granny: They're too rough, sweetheart. These are the soft, gentle hands of a healer.
Jethro: They's about as soft as a gator's hide.
(Granny hits Jethro with his cane)
Granny: GET IN THERE AND TAKE YOUR CLOTHES OFF!
Drysdale: Granny, he'll be examined by an army doctor.
Granny: Oh no. It was one of them goomers that killed Jed's cousin.
Drysdale: An army doctor?
Granny: High rankin' one too. General Peritonitis.
Drysdale: General peritonitis isn't a doctor.
Granny: Oh, we found that out.
Drysdale: Where's Elly May?
Granny: She's out back with the pig.
Drysdale: Oh. Is he still wearing that general's uniform? (starts laughing until Granny gives him a look which makes him stop)
(Elly and Granny brought home a pig they named Pearl which keeps squealing)
Jed: Noisy little critter.
Jethro: That pig was the quietest female in the tank.
Granny: Jed, fetch my medical bag!
Jed: Are ya hurt Granny?
Granny: No! It's for the general.
Jethro: I ain't hurt.
Granny: I ain't down there yet!
(Jed is talking to Miss Jane on the phone)
Jed: Keeping a wild animal few is quite a chore. Well, no ma'am I don't mean Jethro. Elly left me with this grizzly cub, but he goes after vittles a heap like Jethro.
King Donovan, the army psychiatrist, also played Jake J.D Clampett in "The Clampetts Are Overdrawn" and "The Clampetts Go Hollywood" in which he stayed with the Clampetts as Jed's potential cousin.