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Elly May Clampett
Daisy Moses "Granny"
When Mr. Drysdale talks to the crow thinking it is his father reincarnated into a crow, it is not the first time on the show it has happened. In "That Old Black Magic," Mrs. Drysdale is dabbling in astrology, Granny thinks that a crow (actually a Mynah bird) is Mrs. Drysdale, who turned herself into one.
When Carol gives Jed her phone number, she gives him a number beginning with Crestview, but by 1969, this had become practically non-existant, and most shows were using phone numbers that started with 555.
Granny: Why do all them girls need psychiatry?
Jethro: They hates their mothers.
Granny: Hates their mothers?! Why?
Jethro: I'll find that out when I lay bare their ids.
Granny: Oh no. There'll be none of that.
Jethro: Granny, the id's in the brain. I reckon that's where the word "idiot" comes from.
Granny: More than likely.
(Carol is going to put her shoe on, but pretends to fall, and Jed catches her)
Carol: Thank you for catching me. I wish I had a man around all the time.
Jed: You fall a lot, do ya?
Jane: Carol Bennett's up there.
Drysdale: Who's she?
Jane: A new girl. A nightclub singer. It is my opinion that she took a job here only to get a line on your biggest depositors.
Drysdale: Jed Clampett!
Drysdale: Well, why did you hire her?!
Jane: I didn't!
Drysdale: Well, I should have screened her.
Jane: You did.
Drysdale: What did I say?
Drysdale: This is, is too big to hide for long, especially with Carol around.
Jane: Speaking of Carol, that girl acts as though she owns this bank.
Drysdale: She may, she may.
(Cratchit and a few secretaries are checking out the business on the fifth floor, when Drysdale comes up)
Drysdale: What's going on up here?! Get back to your desks! What do you think this is?!
Linda: It's the Employee Health and Welfare Department.
Drysdale: Who told you that?!
Linda: He did.
Drysdale: Who told you?!
Cratchit: Uh, you did!
Drysdale: I lie a lot!
(Cratchit is trying to show the secretaries the hair on his head is real)
Cratchit: Here, pull it. (Linda pulls it a bit) Run your fingers through it. (Babs runs her finger through it) Muss it up. (The girls shake it a bit) Again. (They shake it more) Once more.
Linda: We believe you.
Cratchit: I know, but I like it.
Babs: That red hair's gonna get you in trouble, Mr. Cratchit.
Cratchit: Just call me Brick.
(The pregnant cleaning woman and Granny head for the maternity ward, and Drysdale rushes to get the doors of the elevator open)
Drysdale: Don't stand there! Help me get this door open!
Jed: The elevator ain't there.
Drysdale: I know. I wanna jump!
(Drysdale asks how Ms. Cat's babies are, still unaware that she is actually a cat)
Drysdale: But I'd still like to find that father.
Jed: Well, if it's any help to ya, the last one looked like a Persian.
Granny: Oh, that don't mean nothin' Jed. Two of em looked like Siamese.
(Cratchit sees the picture of Mr. Drysdale's father)
Cratchit: Oh, it's him! (hides behind Miss Jane) Rosemary's father!
Cratchit: The Prince of Darkness!
Jane: Mr. Drysdale's father?
Cratchit: Oh, I worked for him forty years ago. I was six foot tall then, but, he, he beat me down.
Jane: Don't be frightened of Mr. Drysdale Senior; he died many years ago.
Cratchit: Oh, I'm not so sure. I said then we should have driven a stake through his heart.
(Drysdale is looking at his father's picture, asking for help)
Drysdale: Listen dad, I'll tell you what I'll do. You know that little church in the valley, the one you always thought was so quaint and pretty. Well, if you'll get me out of this mess, I'll go out there right now, and in your name, I'll foreclose on it.
(The picture of his father is smiling)
(Carol is trying to get more of Jed's attention, and says Granny has to check her over)
Granny: There's more to her than just feet.
Jed: I'll grant cha that.
(Jed is showing Carol the bird call)
Carol: You say this is a crow call?
Jed: That's right. You just blow on that a couple times, and that old crow will come right to you.
(Carol blows on the crow call, and Granny, who heard it earlier, enters the room)
Carol: I thought you meant a bird.
Jed: I did.
Carol: Has anyone ever told you you look like John Wayne?
Jed: No, and uh, I hope nobody ever says it to John Wayne neither.
Jethro: I've been readin' about old Sigmund Freud.
Granny: Who's Sigmund Freud?
Jethro: He's the fella that started this whole thing, over to Vienna. That's the capital of Australia.
Cratchit: Mr. Drysdale, what about the Clampetts?! You promised them you'd send them all your employees! They're going to be angry.
Drysdale: So what?! When I see the Clampetts, I'm gonna tell them to get out!
(The elevator comes up with Jed and Granny on it)
Drysdale: Mr. Clampett, Granny. Get out.
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