Drysdale's nephew, little Milby, visits the Clampett house and tricks Jethro into selling him numerous priceless antiques for only a couple hundred dollars.
Elly May Clampett
Daisy Moses "Granny"
Granny: You must have spanked him good. We could hear him yellin' clean inside.
Drysdale: That's not what he was yelling about. He's used to spankings. I got him where it really hurts.
Jed: What cha mean?
Drysdale: I took his money belt.
(Jane and Drysdale are talking about Milby, who is visiting the Clampetts)
Drysdale: He's just a normal, high-spirited youngster.
Jane: Is it normal to be kicked out of three military schools in one year?
Drysdale: It happens.
Jane: For usury?
Drysdale: I don't care what the law said! Eighty percent interest on a loan is not unreasonable!
Jed: Seems like ever since, his body and his appetite have been tryin' to see which could get the biggest.
Granny: Yeah. Too bad his brains didn't enter the race.
Jed: Well, ya got to remember even as a baby, Jethro had a mighty unusal hunger.
Granny: Yeah. There ain't many three day-old babies that can tie into a side of bacon like he done.
Jed: Especially when it was still attached to the hog.
Granny: Jethro! Carry in little Milby and be very careful with him!
Jed: Granny, little Milby is a big boy.
Jethro: Here he is.
(Jethro comes in carrying 11 year-old Milby in his arms. Granny thinks he is an 11 month old baby)
Granny: My. He is big fer eleven months ain't he? Almost as big as Jethro was at that age.
Jed: And it'll be givin' Elly a job at the same time. She'll be your babysitter. She's waitin' outside. I'll go fetch her in.
Milby: Did you say a babysitter? For me?
Jed: Yeah. Here she is now.
Milby: But I'm eleven years old.
(Milby turns around and sees Elly May)
Milby: Course, I'm very insecure.
Milby: Water, Mr. Clampett?
Jed: Oh, no thanks son.
Milby: Coffee, tea, milk?
Jed: No thanks.
Drysdale: He's a fine boy. He has a great career ahead of him.
Jed: Yeah, he's already a pretty good waiter.
Drysdale: You've got to take care of him.
Jane: Not even if you give me a whip and a chair!
Jane: At the age of six, when other little kiddies were playing hide and seek, Milby had started his first business.
Drysdale: So, every kid has a lemonade stand.
Jane: Milburn opened a pawn shop!
Drysdale: He's a fine lad.
Jane: He's a grasping, aberiscious, crafty, conniving, little money grubber.
Drysdale: Yes. Everyone says he reminds them as me as a boy.
Drysdale: Last year when you took care of Milby, he was just going through a transition phase.
Jane: I know. Like the Wolfman.
Drysdale: His parents asked me to keep an eye on him for a few hours while they're gone.
Miss Jane: Where have they gone?
Jed: I might go down and see can Mr. Drysdale find somethin' fer em.
Granny: Jed, yer wastin' yer wind. The couple of times they did put em to work, they were back the same day.
Jed: I know.
Granny: I figure, betwinst Elly's secretarying and Jethro's cyphering, they made the other workers look sluggish.
(Granny is convinced a movie star stole her beauty secret - her lye soap)
Granny: Elly, tell yer pa why my skin looks the way it does today!
Elly: I suppose it's because you've been in the sun and the wind too long.
User Score: 313
User Score: 7991
User Score: 801
User Score: 193
User Score: 152
User Score: 78
User Score: 72
User Score: 48
User Score: 34
User Score: 28
User Score: 28
User Score: 16
User Score: 13
User Score: 12
User Score: 11
User Score: 10
User Score: 9
User Score: 8
User Score: 7
User Score: 6