Elly May Clampett
Daisy Moses "Granny"
The name of Colonel Blake's assistant, Foster Phinney, is also the name of Miss Jane's landlord in season 9.
Granny uses Elly May's hard-as-rock ladyfingers as ammo for her gun.
Granny: You bake a dandy bullet Elly.
(Granny shoots down General Grant)
Jethro: Look, he's getting' up.
Granny: I must have got him in the liver. That's what I done all right. It's gotta be cast iron after 150 years of drinkin'.
Drysdale: Just let me wreak my vengeance on them blue devils, or my name isn't Milburn Beauregard Nathan Bedford Stonewall…
Jane: Chicken Drysdale!
Grant: If I'm going to do all of that, I've got to have a double.
Colonel Blake: Nothing doing, it's going to be you.
Grant: I mean a double martini!
Granny: What's the matter Miss Jane? Don't ya like jerky?
Jane: What can I say? I work for him.
Granny: And here you are, leavin' yer bank to fight fer the U.S.A.
Drysdale: Yes. U.S.A?
Granny: Undefeated Southerners of America.
Granny: Would you like to have a gun?
Jane: Oh boy, would I.
(Drysdale introduces his soldier, Miss Jane, who Granny doesn't realize)
Granny: Oh, the poor boy! He's nothin' but skin and bones. Have you been in prison, son?
Jane: Yes, the Commerce Bank.
Granny: Are you on our side?
Drysdale: I am on the side of truth, justice, honor, and victory.
Granny: That's our side!
Drysdale: And we Southerners must stick together in this hour of peril.
Miss Jane: You big phony, you were born in Chicago!
Drysdale: South Chicago!
Colonel: (in a deep Southern accent) The producer of this picture, my esteemed father-in-law, said I could be on the winning side.
Colonel Blake: Doesn't Abe ever run out of relatives? With old cousin Bright Eye here leading the charge, it may not be the winning side.
Colonel: Nevertheless, with your kind permission sir, I will be honored to deliver the surrender ultimatum.
Colonel Blake: Listen Colonel, with that accent, the only thing you could deliver is a bucket of fried chicken.
Colonel Blake: And there are still a few mistakes in some of the uniforms.
Grant: Uh, may I go back to the studio?
Colonel Blake: Get on the horse. You're the biggest mistake in uniform.
Colonel Blake: They got the white horse ready for you.
Grant: Oh great. Not too much soda.
Colonel Blake: You're going to ride it, not drink it.
Colonel Blake: The director just walked off the picture.
Grant: I'll have him shot.
Miss Jane: Does Granny honestly believe that the North is going to reopen the Civil War?
Jed: She does.
Jane: Well, can't you talk her out of it?
Jed: Miss Jane, mules come to Granny for stubborn lessons.
Jed: Why would the North wanna commence the fightin' in Los Angeles?
Granny: So they attack under cover of smog!
Granny: Where are you goin'?
Jed: I'm goin' back to bed.
Granny: You mean you ain't gonna fight with yer family?
Jed: I've been fightin' with ya fer two days.
Granny: In my Granny's days, we had woods and swamps to hide in. But when ya live in a hole like Beverly Hills, ya gotta make do.
(After hearing a loud commotion, Jed looks to see what is going on downstairs, where the family is prepairing to fight the North)
Jed: Do you know it's three o'clock in the mornin'?
Granny: Yes I do.(starts singing) It's three o'clock in the mornin'. (stops singing) There! Go back to bed!
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