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Elly May Clampett
Daisy Moses "Granny"
Billie Jo Bradley
Bobbie Jo Bradley
Jethro tells Miss Jane he wants to leave his hat on his head until the hair grows back. But in the next episode, he has a full head of hair. His hair must grow fast, considering it grew back in a week.
(Jethro comes in Miss Jane's office covered in bandages)
Jane: What happened? You weren't set upon by angry bank employees, were you?!
Jethro: No ma'am. These is powder burns from the explosion.
Jane: Were you there when the clock went off?!
Jethro: No ma'am, but I was there when the flash powder went off.
Jane: Flash powder?
Jethro: Yes ma'am. I was holding it in my hand when I stuck my tongue in the light socket.
Jane: (Giggles) You know Jethro, I, I, I'm not going to ask you any more questions
Jethro: I'd appreciate that.
Jane: Sit down. Take off your hat.
Jethro: I'd rather leave it on till my hair grows back.
Jane: No, I promised.
Jed: What's all the yelling about?
Granny: Elly's bear ate my letter before I had time to read it! Now I don't know whether Sam proposed to me or not! Jed, go ram your hand down his throat and fetch it out of his stomach fer me!
Jed: I believe I'll pass on that.
Granny: You can do it; you got long arms!
Jed: Yeah, and I wanna keep em that way.
(Granny tells Jethro they will be operating on Fairchild, and Jethro has to hold him down while Granny gets her letter out of his stomach)
Jethro: I ain't gonna hold down no bear while you whittle on him.
(Granny picks up her jug)
Granny: It's alright. I aim to give him a good, stiff, jolt of anesthetic.
Jethro: I fer sure ain't gonna hold down no drunk bear!
(Granny is reading the letter from Sam Drucker)
Granny: "Dear Granny, I hope you will come to Hooterville for Christmas, all of you." Here that Jed? He wants all of me.
(The bank employees are mad that Drysdale won't give them Christmas day off)
Drysdale: Look what I just took out of my suggestion box. Shocking, vicious, sadistic. I should turn them over to the vice squad. And those are just from the women.
Jethro: What cha cryin' fer Mr. Drysdale? You got me, you got Fairchild, and you got this beautiful present. Sounds like a clock!
Drysdale: Yeah. I may let this one go off.
(Jethro has a plan on how to look on the inside of the bear's stomach)
Jethro: Unscrew the bulb outta the lamp.
(Granny unscrews the bulb)
Jethro: Not turn on the switch.
(Granny flips the switch)
Jethro: Now they is live electricity in there. But that bear don't know that cause he's a dumb animal.
Jethro: So, we put some honey in there. Then when Mr. Stupid yonder sticks his tongue in to get the honey . . .
(Granny looks down just as Jethro sticks his tongue in the light socket, and an explosion occurs)
Granny: Could you do that again Jethro? I wasn't watching.
Drysdale: My employees gave me this.
(Shows Jed the present)
Jed: Well, ain't that nice. I reckon a fella in your position can always use a clock.
Drysdale: Uh, how do you know it's a clock?
Jed: I can here it tickin'.
(Jed gives the present to Drysdale, and he puts it up to his ear, hearing the ticking noise)
Drysdale: Miss Hathaway!
(Miss Jane rushes in)
Jane: Yes Chief?
(Drysdale throws the gift at her)
Drysdale: Soak this in water! Quickly! Quickly!
(Miss Jane rushes out with the box)
Jed: That ain't too good fer a clock, is it?
Drysdale: It's a, a water clock, an old Egyptian water clock. Very rare and valuable.
Jed: Folks here at the bank sure must think the world of you.
Drysdale: Yes, they wanted to give me a big blow-out.
(Jethro refuses to hold down Elly's bear for Granny's operation)
Granny: You scared of a little blood?!
Jethro: When it's mine, yes ma'am!
(Granny's reading the letter she received in the mail)
Granny: "Yesterday I saged my sausage, skinned my chitlins, and hung my ham. I hope you like them, sugar." Bold rascal.
Jed: Called ya "sugar," did he?
Granny: Read it for yourself.
(Granny gives Jed the letter)
Jed: I think that goes with the next line. "I hope you like them sugar-cured."
(Granny snatches the letter away)
Granny: Read your own mail!
(Granny and Jethro are examining their love letters)
Jethro: Both of them beautiful Bradley girls has promised to marry me.
Jed: Both of em?
Jethro: Yeah. They know us big Hollywood producers has always got lots of wives.
Granny: Not at the same time, boobie.
Jethro: Well, then they'll just hafta take turns. I'll marry Billie Jo one day and Bobbie Jo the next.
(Granny wants Bessie, in a cowboy costume, to give her the letter from Sam)
Granny: Now listen you little goomer, you give me my letter, or you and me is gonna play cowboy and Indian, and the Indian is gonna win.
Jed: Appears you and Sam are kinda serious.
Granny: I guess you think it's kinda silly for someone so old.
Jed: No, not at all.
Granny: Course, I ain't no chicken myself.
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