(Jethro is ironing, and not to happy about it; he's worried about his Hollywood image)
Jethro: If someone was to take a picture of me like this, I'd never get into Harvard!
Jethro: Yeah. Ya gotta have class to get in there.
Jed: Seems I've heard about that place.
Jethro: Course ya have. Next to Swabs, it's the classiest drug store on Hollywood Boulevard.
Jed: Tell me boy, have you given any more thought to runnin' away?
Jethro: If one more thing goes wrong around here I might!
Jed: Name it.
(Granny tells Jed if he "changes his ways," they'll help him)
Granny: Do you admit that men ain't superior?
Jed: I'll put it in writin'.
Granny: Are you through grindin' women under your heels?!
Jed: Oh yeah. No more of that.
Jethro: Uncle Jed, have you ever thought what I might do if I was forced to continue this humiliatin' kind of work?
Jed: No. What might you do?
Jethro: I might just run away from home. (leaves)
Jed: That's the first ray of sunshine on a dark day.
Granny: You men is all alike. All you wanna do is eat and get to your country club.
Jed: Country club?!
Granny: Whilst us women stay home and slave, you is out shootin' golfs, tennis, martini on the rocks, and havin' steamed saunas.
Jed: Jethro and me spends our days mowin' the lawn, rakin' leaves, trimmin' the hedges, choppin' wood, paintin', plumbin', and repairin'.
Granny: There ya are. You is out havin' fun whilst we is home slavin'.
(After Jethro upsets Granny and Elly, Granny throws a bucket on his head, and Jed takes it off)
Jethro: Hey, where's Granny and Elly?
Jed: They got mad and left.
Jethro: Oh, don't tell me . . .
Jed: Yeah, I upset em again.
Jethro: You know somethin', I ain't too happy with you!
Jed: Really? Well, I'm tickled pink with you.
(Jed, Elly, and Jethro come out and see Banzai lying on the ground after Granny beat him up)
Jed: Who is that?
Drysdale: That is the number two karate fighter in the entire world.
Jed: What happened to him?
Drysdale: He just met number one. (points to Granny)
Jethro: What dimwitted thing did you do this time?
Jed: I don't know.
Jethro: Thank goodness you got my giant brain to fall back on.
Jed: I could use somethin' soft right now.
Danielle Mardi is credited as Dannielle Mardi.
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