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Castmember Erica Ash appears only in the beginning sketch in a small role that occurred before the opening credits.
Lorna: Ohh, Jesus, I think I'm gonna have an episode.
You don't want me having an episode. I have low sugar right now. Hey, pass me a cookie. You got a cookie up there?
Cab Driver: I do. I do. I have a cracker.
Lorna: Okay. Cracker?
Cab Driver: Yeah.
Lorna: A cracker's not a cookie. This guy thinks a cracker's a cookie. Oh, my. Ugh, it's like if I said I needed a baseball bat and you handed me a sandwich. My God, it's like talking to a bag full of hammers with you. Christ on a cross, is that guy wearing a wedding dress?
Hazel: Anyway, Ezekiel... sweatheart, you have got to put yourself out there. I made our Donovan go on the online. Plenty of "M for M" and "B.Y.O.B." He could be hooking up 24/7 hours a day.
Hazel: Lots of people have sex, Ron! Not us, of course. No "W for M" action here. Ron's prostate's swollen bigger than a cantaloupe. Isn't it, Ron?
Hazel: I wish our son would give us a baby. He doesn't... he doesn't have a "life partner." (winks)
Hazel: He's gay! (laughs)
Ezekiel: Well, uh, uh, yeah, I heard you tell the lady.
Hazel: (giggles) Oh, the little woman. Yeah I did. I said, "He's gay."
Are you gay?
Hazel: I can ask a question, Ron! You know what they say at the P-FLAGs, "There's no 'I' in Pride." Huh.
They say it different.
Oscar Wilde: Hello, I'm Oscar Wilde, raconteur, wag and renowned aesthete. If you like banter and breasteses, witticisms and titticisms, then you'll love my newest video collection...
Girls Gone Wilde... with an E!
Narrator: Tranny 911!
They'll tuck in your kids, right after they tuck in themselves...
Mondays at 10 right after "The Adventures of Old Dirty Sanchez."
Tranny Nanny Puddin': Oh, Madison, girl, why don't you try one?
Tranny Nanny Heaven: Yeah, girl, you do it.
Madison: (to Tranny Nanny Heaven) Last time I saw something as ugly as you, it was in my potty.
Tranny Nanny Heaven: I will take you down, b*tch!
Tranny Nanny Puddin': Oooh, good one, Madison, girl. Nanny Puddin' love-a you.
Tranny Nanny Heaven: That little crack baby better not stick no fork in ME!
Lorna: What is this, now? What is this? Traffic?
Cab Driver: Yeah, they got the street blocked off.
Lorna: Oh, blocked off? I knew it! I tell you... it's like everyday I get it from both sides.
Cab Driver: No, no, they got the street blocked off for the Gay Pride Parade.
Lorna: Gay Pride Parade?! What the hell's the Gay Pride Parade?! That sounds like a fake thing!
Cab Driver: No, ma'am, it's a parade for gay people to celebrate gay pride. It runs all the way down 5th Street, all the way to the Village.
Lorna: Well, how much pride could they possibly have?! 50 streets of pride?!
Sarah: And a new word for homosexuality... and go!
Man: Homofashionability, hmm?
Woman #1: Homolikeability.
Woman #2: Homostyleuality.
Jerry: Homosuckadongery. Homoballsasuckery.
Group Leader: No, Jerry.
Sarah: Wrong. Keep going.
Man: Homowhatability, hmm?
Woman #1: Homofunuality.
Woman #2: Homocutieality.
Jerry: Homofudgeapackery. Homo... buttamunchery.
Group Leader: No, Jerry!
Sarah: Keep going.
Man: Uh... homofabuality.
Woman #1: Homosweetuality.
Woman #2: Homospecuality.
Jerry: Homopowerbottomery. Homostickitinery.
Tranny Nanny Heaven: Madison, girl, youse got to get learnt, okay?. If you throw something on the floor... or in Nanny Heaven's weave, it gets throwt away.
Tranny Nanny Heaven: Well then, come on girl, pick it up, okay?
(singing while Tranny Nanny Chocolate Puddin' beat-boxes)
A spoon full of sugar, help the Madison get down. We cleanin', we moppin, 'cause I'm your Tranny Poppins. You pick up your car-a, I'll take your VCR-a.
(singing stops) Oh, that's a good girl, Madison. That's a real good girl. Here you go, here go your My Little Pony back. You're a good girl, but I'm gonna keep the VCR-a.
Hazel: You should come over to the condo when you get off work for brunch and meet our Donovan. Oh, he's marvelous! He's got excellent posture, and... and beautiful teeth...
and, F.Y.I., his profile says he's got no gag reflex.
Tranny Nanny Chocolate Puddin': Look here, you little Bride O' Chucky, we do not communicate with forks.
(pulls fork out of the mother's leg)
We use words. If you want to hurt yo' mama, you got to read her. Like you say, "Yo mama so dumb, she couldn't alphabetize a M&M!"
Nanny Tranny Heaven: Or like... "Nanny Puddin's so slutty, she like AOL... the first hundred hours is free." What?
Tranny Nanny Chocolate Puddin' (holding fork at Nanny Heaven): GRR, I will cut you! I will cut you, cut you, cut you, cut you, cut you, cut you, cut you!
Tranny Nanny Heaven (walks in and stops): Damn... this place looks like it got hit by Hurricane Katrina Agadalera!
Tranny Nanny Chocolate Puddin' (follows right behind while limping): Hello, I am Nanny Chocolate Puddin', and this sleazebag over here call herself, Nanny Heaven!
Tranny Nanny Heaven: (singing and dancing) Heaven, you wanna a piece of Heaven...
Tranny Nanny Chocolate Puddin': All have a piece! There's plen-ty to go around!
Tranny Nanny Heaven: I will step on yo neck b*tch!
Jonny McGovern and Stephen Guarino in "LOGO Lifetips with Chad Michael and Michael Chad" (5th appearance)
Michael Serrato as "Hazel, the PFLAG mom" (2nd appearance)
Kate McKinnon and Julie Goldman as "Pepperstein Whalesong and Cayuga Lake, a.k.a., Sappho's Lips" (2nd appearance)
Nicole Paone as "Lorna Doones" (2nd appearance)
Jonny McGovern as "Tranny Chocolate Puddin'" (1st appearance)
Nanny 911 and Supernanny
The "Tranny 911" sketch is a parody of the hit reality series, Nanny 911 and Supernanny, which both feature proper English nannies helping American families deal with their unruly children. The title of the sketch, "Tranny 911" is a play on words of the series, Nanny 911, while a look-a-like of Jo Frost, the nanny and star of Supernanny, is seen at the beginning of the sketch, saying, "Bloody Hell!" when she is unable to handle an unruly child.
Girls Gone Wild
The Oscar Wilde sketch, "Girls Gone Wilde" (with an E) is an allusion to the popular DVD series, Girls Gone Wild, produced by Joe Francis, in which young adult women flash their breasts and body parts to cameras during spring break and other party-heavy scenes.
The New Adventures of Old Christine
During the "Tranny 911" sketch, the announcer refers to "The Adventures of Old Dirty Sanchez." This is an allusion to the popular CBS series, The New Adventures of Old Christine, starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
During the "Tranny 911" sketch, Tranny Nanny Chocolate Puddin' calls Madison, "you little bride o' chucky." This is an allusion to the 1998 comedy-horror film, Bride of Chucky, the third sequel in the popular, Child's Play film series.
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
In the "Hazel" sketch, Hazel tells the black cashier named Ezekiel that he reminds her of that actor Harry Bellafontaine from that movie with Spencer and Tracy, to which Hazel's husband, Ron, corrects her by saying it was Poitier. Hazel then calls her son Donovan and says, "Guess who's coming to brunch?"
This is an allusion to the 1967 Academy Award winning film, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner starring Spencer Tracy, Katharine Hepburn and Sidney Poitier about a young white woman who brings her African American fiancé home to meet her parents.
Nanny Tranny Heaven's song, which includes lines such as "a spoonful of sugar" and "I'm your tranny Poppins" is an allusion to the 1964 Walt Disney live action/animated film, Mary Poppins, which included the song, "A Spoonful of Sugar."
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