The Bill Engvall Show

Season 2 Episode 3

No Gifts, Please

Aired Saturday 9:00 PM Jun 26, 2008 on TBS

Episode Recap

Susan and Bill are getting ready one morning and discussing that their anniversary is coming up. Susan tells Bill that she does not want any gifts this year. Bill is surprised, but they agree that they are going to something really big next year. Bill mentions a card and Susan gives him a look as he leaves the room. Down at breakfast, Bill and Susan discuss the issues regarding Trent about being late for school, because he is not getting up. Bryan notes that he does not want a tardy on his permanent record. Susan and Bill decide who is going upstairs to wake up Trent, Bill loses. Bill wakes him and has a talk with him about getting up. Trent falls back asleep while Bill is talking. Paul arrived at the home, as he is car pooling with Bill. Bill notes that Paul has a talking car and Paul is disappointment when they decide to take Bill's car, because he can't talk to Nina (the on-star person).Bill tells Paul that he won't be carpooling on Thursday due to his anniversary. Paul asks what he is getting Susan and Bill explains their agreement. Paul tells Bill that he has to get her a gift. Bill tells Paul that Susan is not the type of woman that says one thing and does another. But after a moment he realizes that he ahs to find a present for Susan. Next morning, Susan is cleaning downstairs as Bill comes in. He flirts with her and they begin talking about Trent's problem with over sleeping. Trent comes downstairs wearing a shirt backwards and inside out. And it is Lauren's shirt. Bryan brings up sleep deprivation lowers your brain functioning. Bill states that Trent needs to go bed earlier so he can get up on time. Susan suggests that he reads before bed and Trent immediately asks, "Why am I being punished?" Susan is out shopping and tells the salesmen that she always picks out bad gifts for her husband. She sees what she thinks is the absolute perfect gift and states, "After nineteen years I finally get it right. At home, Bill comes in and Susan is very excited. She gives Bill the gift she bought and Bill pulls out a gift from under the bed. Susan opens her gift and finds a blue cashmere sweater. Bill opens his gift to find a silver bracelet with a large turquoise stone. Susan shows him that the stone opens up and has space for a picture inside. Bill keeps saying, "Wow". Susan tells him that he bracelet is for everyday wear as Bill sits there with a fake smile. Later in the garage, Bill shows Paul the gift and Paul comments on how bad Susan's taste is. Bill shares that her gifts over the years is "a parade of stinkers". Bill notes that she tries and they all come from her heart. Paul suggests that Bill tell her the truth. Susan walks in and Paul tells how much he likes the bracelet. After she leaves Bill asks Paul why he lied. He states that Susan saves leftovers for him. Bill gets the leftovers out of the freezer and throws them away. Just as he is doing this, Susan walks back in and Bill cornered, "He hates your cooking". Bill goes in to check on Trent only to find him wide awake. Bill tells him to be quiet or he'll wake his brother. Trent responses with "Are you kidding, as soon as his head hits the pillow, its sweet dreams". Bill offers to read to Trent and begins reading The Tell Tale Heart. Trent falls asleep; Bill covers him and turns out the lights as he leaves the room. Bill did not notice that Bryan is lying awake in his bed with a scared look on his face. In the middle of the night, Bill wakes up to fins Bryan staring at him, which startles Bill, who screams. This abruptly awakens Susan, who screams and Bryan begins screaming. Lauren comes running in and flips the lights on. When they start questioning what is going, Bill realizes that Bryan must have woken up and listened to the story. Susan offers to have Bryan sleep with them, against Bill's wishes. Bryan tosses and turns all night long, keeping Bill and Susan awake. Bill comes home after and shares that he feels asleep in front of a patient, who claims no one ever listens to her. Susan tells Bill that Trent is one tardy away from a Saturday detention. Susan tells Bill that they have to figure this out. They come up with a plan as a family to help Trent get up in the morning. Suggestions include a megaphone, water and spiders. Trent states that if he is not up by 7:15AM the family may do anything that they want to him. After the kids leave, Susan notes that Bill is not wearing his bracelet. He confesses to her that he does not like it. Susan reminds him of their trip to New Mexico and how much he liked it when he saw someone else wearing it. They go back to the store to exchange it for something else. Bill looks around but does not see anything he really likes. Susan starts making suggestions and Bill says no. Susan grabs a stranger and asks a complete stranger what her husband would like, as she leaves the store. Bill chases Susan down. Susan tells him that she is tired of failing every time she buys him a gift. He tells her he finds it to be one of the things he loves about her. Susan, "Why?" Bill explains that it is the intent behind the gift that shows she is listening to him. Susan wants to go home and Bill wants a Cinnabun first. The following morning, Trent is downstairs feeling proud that he got up before 7:15. The family comes in with various noise makers and Trent states, "I'm dreaming, aren't I?" In Trent's room, The clock turns to 7:15, Bill with his megaphone hollers "Trent wake up", Susan bangs some pots together, Bryan blows his air horn and Lauren beats a drum.
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