The Bill Engvall Show

Season 3 Episode 10

Trash Talk

Aired Saturday 9:00 PM Sep 05, 2009 on TBS

Episode Recap

Bill finds Bryan in the kitchen and asks what he is doing. Bryan states he is building a model. Bill wonders if it s a space station and Bryan responds with it is a long chain polyunsaturated fatty acid. Bill starts playing with the pieces as if it was a space station. He moves one of the pieces pretending they are guns to protect from alien invasion. Bryan gets upset and tells him that he has now changed it to a monounsaturated as he storms out of the kitchen.

Susan comes in and asks Bill if he has noticed what their new neighbor, Earl does with his trashcans. Bill states he leaves them on the curb all week, so he doesn't have to lug them back and forth. Susan explains that it is an eye sore and she wrote him a note asking to pull them in after trash day. She hands him the letter she received in response, which states no. Susan begins venting about who says no and Bill asks, "Is this one of those times I'm suppose to answer or be a "good listener"? Susan continues that everyone else pulls their cans in and states that she thinks Bill should go over and talk to him. Bill responds with, "Of course you do". Susan tells him that if this is important to her than it should be important to him. Bill agrees to talk to him and Susan reminds him not to use my wife told me.

Bill is making a sandwich when Lauren and Trent come in. Bill is excited to know if Trent got his driver's license. Trent states he failed his test because he got distracted and did not have his lucky red quarter. Both Bill and Lauren try to convince him that it is not lucky. Trent states that ever since he lost it bad things have happened, locked his keys in the car, his laptop crashed, girls have been avoiding me and a squirrel found its way into my backpack. Bill tells him he is smart enough to rely on his own ability and Lauren responds with "Now you're just lying to him". Bill tells Lauren to leave and Trent states he is able to re-take the test in two days. Trent asks Bill to take him out to practice and Bill tells him, "No until you find that red quarter.

Susan is out in the garage and Bill walks in with a large stain on his sweatshirt. Bill explains that Earl through his iced coffee on him when he tried to talk to him about his trash cans. Susan states she is not surprised that he said no and bill states that Earl now prefers four letter words. They begin discussing that Earl is a bully. Bill relates his own issues with Bullies, Joey Parker used to steal his lunch money in the third grade. Susan asks how he got him to stop and Bill states that they moved. Bill decides that they are going make Earl sorry he messed with the Pearsons. Susan agrees and suggests that they hit him fast and hard by writing a letter to their councilman. She is so excited that she runs out of the garage into the house to start that letter and Bill states, "You do that" and under his breath "And I'll do something that will work". Paul walks in and sneaks up on Bill, startling him. He explains the situation to Paul and Paul states that he loves angry Bill. Paul wants to help stating they are a team but Bill tells him he has it under control. Bill pulls out his megaphone and states he is going to give the neighbor an early morning wake up call. Paul expresses his disappointment at his plan and makes some suggestions, like slashing his tires, sugar in his gas tank, break in and hold his family hostage. Bill responds with "Misdemeanor, misdemeanor, tabloid headlines". Paul tells him he needs to think bigger and Bill comes up with the idea of tipping over his garbage cans and they trash men won't pick it up. Paul is not impressed and tells Bill that when his lame idea fails, he will come looking for him, but he may not be available. Bill states "You'll be available" and Paul walking out of the garage states, "I know".

Trent walks into the kitchen and starts dumping some greenage on the table, Lauren and Bryan look at him and Lauren asks him what is he doing? He states that he needs a new lucky charm and he is looking in this clover for one with four leaves. Bryan teases him that the pedestrians are those ones that are going to need luck if he gets his license. Trent comes back with, "It's your sarcasm that is pedestrian", which stuns Bryan and Lauren. Trent is proud of himself and says, 'That's right, I'm not just eye candy people." Bryan tells Trent that there is no such thing as a lucky charm and Lauren comes up with the idea that there is a lucky drink. She tells him that she has researched this on the Internet and has found an old potion from Peru. She begins mixing hot sauce for the fire of the battle, horseradish for the health of their horses and an egg, so they wouldn't be chicken. She hands the glass to Trent and he drinks the concoction down in one gulp. Lauren tells him there are other things they can try and Trent states that he just can't pass him driving test with his quarter. He then reminds Lauren that this means she will have to continue driving him around as he leaves. Lauren is speechless as Bryan states, "You didn't see that one coming, did you?|" She turns to Bryan and tells him that he needs to find that quarter, because she is not going to spend her senior year "Chauffeuring you two Muppets around". Bryan tells her to ask him nicely and Lauren says, "Please help me so I don't have to give you a wedgy that will prevent you from having children", with a creepy grin. Bryan responds with "See, that wasn't so hard" and begins looking for the quarter.

Susan is upstairs in the bedroom as Bill walks in and she shares with him that she has finished her letter to the councilman. She wants to know which sounds angrier, "Yours truly" or "Best regards"? Bill is angry because he found a wrapper on their lawn a wrapper he believes belongs to Earl. He believes that Earl is trying to provoke him by dumping his garage on their lawn. Susan is not convinced until Bill explains that he tipped over Earl's trashcans. Susan notes that this is becoming childish and asks if he is going to toilet paper Earl's house next and Bill get excited, "Oh, I like it". Susan tries to convince Bill that they need to handle this in a mature manner, not with fraternity pranks. Bill agrees.

Trent is in the living room when Bryan comes in and they begin exchanging words. Bryan again tries to convince Trent that there is no such thing bad luck. Trent relates that in the last two hours a bird has pooped on his shoulder, he stepped in some gum and accidently texted "You're Hot" to his math teacher, Mr. Johnson. Bryan tells him that these are just isolated incidents, two being bad timing and one being his only shot in getting an A in math. Lauren comes in and hands Trent a quarter. He is thrilled and asks when she found it. She tells him it was under a tree in the backyard. He leaves saying that he will defiantly pass his driver's test now. After Trent leaves, Bryan looks at Lauren and states, "It's not his real quarter, is it?" Lauren states, "No". She explains that she got another one and painted it with red fingernail polish.

Bill and Paul have planned and are hosting a neighborhood meeting at the house. Bill tells Paul that Susan is going to be proud of him for the mature way he is handling this situation. Susan comes in and is surprised by the people in her home. Bill explains that he is going to rally the neighbors to get behind him and then will go to the homeowner's association. Paul shares that the homeowners association once came after him for decorating his fountain statue for Christmas and he still ahs no idea why. Bill points out that the statue was naked and when he hung the ornament was offensive. Bill begins the meeting by stating that Earl has a bad attitude. One of their neighbors, who Bill refers to as Margie notes that Earl may not be the friendliest but he has never done anything to her. They go back and forth and she points out that her name is Beverly. Bill is not getting a lot of support in the room and then comes up with the idea of cutting down Earl's fruit tree, which hangs over Fred's driveway. Paul pipes in stating that he has a chainsaw in the car. Bill states that will send a message and if it doesn't work then we can keep turning up the heat until "We run him out of town". Susan attempts to interrupt but Bill ignores her and Beverly points out that it seems as if Bill is the only one with a problem. Bill states that this started because of Earl's behavior towards his wife and that she wants him gone as much as he does. He brings Susan up front and she tells Bill that this whole has gotten out of hand. She tells him that it has got to stop now and Bill looks at her and says, 'Thanks" as he leaves the room.

Bill is pacing in the garage when Susan walks in. He asks her what happened back there because we agreed we were in this together. He states he only got involved in this whole issue because of her. Susan states, "Maybe that's how it started, but you turned it into some macho pee-pee contest". He asks about the statements regarding married couples supporting each other and she points out they protect each other. She tells him that her job is about keeping him from getting too crazy and Bill notes that this guy is a bully. She tells him that she loves the way he sticks up for what he believes in, but there are times he goes a little overboard. Bill questions, "Like when"? Susan reminds him when they were at the sandwich shop last week and he threw a fit because his sub wasn't long enough. Bill states, "That was justified, you can't say something is six inches long when it is only five." Susan smirks and Bill says, "Don't you say a word", with a grin. Susan states that he would have felt bad if had cut down Earl's tree or run him out of the neighborhood and she got him out of there before he did something. Bill sees her point. He then tells her that he doesn't think that this thing with Earl would have gotten that out of control. Paul bursts into the garage with no shirt carrying a chain saw "Come on Bill, let's do this" and leaves.

Later, Bill and Bryan are watching TV as Trent and Lauren enter. Lauren announces that Trent has passed his driver's test. Bill congratulates him and Trent gives credit to his lucky red quarter. Trent states a hot girl gave him her number, his chemistry test was canceled for tomorrow and his hair is really shinning. Bryan stands up and tells him that Lauren painted that quarter. Bill looks at Lauren and she admits that she did it. She points out that it worked to get Trent his license. Trent questions if they know what it means that this is not his quartet. Bill states that it means you only need some confidence in yourself and he does not have to rely on luck. Trent states that it means this new quarter is luckier than his old one.