The Bill Engvall Show

Season 3 Episode 8

United Front

Aired Saturday 9:00 PM Aug 29, 2009 on TBS

Episode Recap

Bill comes in from work and grabs a beer from the fridge. Susan comes down stairs and grabs the beer from Bill stating that she needs it more than he does. Bill responds with, "Oh God, your mother's in town". Susan tells him to wait until he hears what "his" daughter did today. Bill responds with, "As long as she isn't picking your mother up from the airport, then I'm good". Susan continues with the idea that Lauren was to hand in her college essays to her counselors and she didn't'. Bill questions how she could forget, "You have been riding her like a rented mule for months about those things." Bill looks at his beer and states, "Wow, one sip of this and mu judgment is way off". Susan explains that she lied about handing them in. Bill questions why Lauren would lie and Susan states it doesn't matter why, she lied. Susan explains that she grounded her for a month. Bill reminds Susan that they usually only give the kids two weeks, He also reminds her that they only gave Bryan a week after he hacked into the school's computer and put Trent in the special class. Susan wants her to learn that there are consequences. Bill wonders who is getting punished; they have to spend the month in the house with the hormonal teenager. Susan tells him she wants Bill to support her and Bill tells her is not sure. Susan states that they need to present a united front and Bill notes he loves it when they fronts unite. Then he shakes his beer, "Two sips and I'm loose as a goose".

Trent and Bill are playing a video game in the garage as Paul comes in looking for Bill. He asks the boys for their opinion about which tie he should wear to his Armenian singles mixer. He explains his reason for going and notes that it is only 120 miles away. Trent points out that there are easier ways to meet chicks and Paul states that most of those ladies are undercover cops. Trent states he was talking about internet dating and Paul tries to cover. Bryan offers to set a profile page to get him a date. He agrees to let the boys help.

Inside the house, Bill heads into Lauren's room to talk with her. Lauren states, "Your wife is out of control". He redirects the conversation to be about Lauren stating that they are very disappointed in her. Lauren explains that she was going to finish the essay but an emergency came up with Cindy. She goes on to explain that Cindy's parents are getting divorced and Cindy was mess. Lauren states that she has always been taught to be a good friend. Bill states but that does not excuse you from lying. She states she is really sorry about lying and she knew that her mother would freak. Bill reminds her that the essays are very important and notes that if she doesn't get into college she is going to end up in a department store folding clothes. He looks at the clothes thrown about the room and states that's clearly not her thing. Lauren points out that people get extensions and she is going to turn them in on Monday. Bill asks if she told her mother this and Lauren states that she tried, but she would let her explain. Lauren states that she has a big party in two weeks and Bill is not budging. Lauren asks if one social outcast is enough, since they have Bryan. Bill states that he has lots of friend, Johnny, Skeeter and Rocky, Lauren points out that those are his sea monkeys. Lauren asks if it is fair that she was trying to be a good friend and mom wouldn't let her explain any of it. Bill agrees it wasn't fair and decides to shorten the grounding to a week. He then takes her out for ice cream.

Paul is still in the garage with the boys working on his online profile. Paul wants to know if the used the picture of him in the caps and Bryan states they did not. Trent gets ht questionnaire form Paul and begins looking at his answers. Paul is thanking them and Trent states that the answers are terrible. Paul overacts and states he hates himself. Trent states that the answers are a little boring and they help him add some excitement to them. For example for favorite things to do , Paul answered watched TV, Trent needs more information and Paul states he likes to watch in his underpants while eating crackers. Bryan interprets that as enjoys dinner and a show. Paul used tall, brown and lonely as three words to describe himself. Trent suggests handsome, exotic and independent. Paul wants to know how long until he meets someone and then wants to know if he can pay extra to speed things up. Trent asks, "You mean like a desperate tax"? Paul states, "I'm sure they don't call it that, but yeah".

Susan comes home from her meeting to find Bill on the couch watching TV. She asks if he talked to Lauren and he states they had a nice conversation and then went out for ice cream. Susan is upset reminding him that she is grounded. Bill begins saying "Being grounded doesn't mean you can't go out places". Susan tells him that is exactly what it means. Bill explains that Lauren had a good reason for not turning those essays in and he reduced her punishment to a week. Susan is upset and once Bill explains the reason, Susan agrees it is a good excuse. Susan still is caught on the lying aspect. Susan states that she punished Lauren and then he went in and undercut her. She explains that he did not have her back and she wants to go back to the original punishment. Bill keeps correcting her that she decided and she corrects him that they agreed on it.

The next morning, Paul finds the boys eating breakfast and is very happy, stating if he wasn't their uncle he would kiss them both. Bryan reminds him that he isn't really their uncle and Trent slaps his shoulder, "Dude, what are you doing"? Paul tells them he has met the woman of his dreams, Daisy. She shows the boys a picture she sent. Paul states that they have a lot in common, rainbows, sunsets and horseback riding. Trent questions him, "I thought you were afraid of hooved animals?" Paul wonders if their dad tells them everything. I just spiced up my profile, like you said, so instead of being terrified of horses, I own them. He explains that he owns a ranch with stables and is a brain surgeon. Trent tells him he was to add a little flavor not lie. If you like, this woman you need to be up front and Paul states he doesn't like him. They offer to help him write her an email. Bryan and Paul begin talking about her sense of style and the tops she is wearing. Trent asks, "Uncle Paul we check the box men seeking women, is that still what you want? '

Susan and Bill head into Lauren's room to share the bad news with her. Susan wants Bill to tell her and she gets upset. Lauren tells him that yesterday he told her he understood her side. He replies with," I do, but we changed my mind". Lauren now turns the table on Bill stating that he lied to her and Bill pulls Susan to the side. She tells him untied front and bill goes back to Lauren with it's a month starting now. Lauren states that she expects this from mom and then asks if 'she' is making him do this. Bill says no and shakes his head yes. Susan gets upset when Bill states in front of Lauren that he does not agree. Susan tells him to do whatever he wants and walks out of the room.

Paul and the boys are in the garage and he is panicking because he has not heard from Daisy since they sent the email. Trent tells him it has only been fifteen minutes. They find a video of a cat and garble playing in a hat. Then he gets a message from Daisy stating that his honesty inspired her. They open the photo she attached of herself and all three lean back from the computer, "Whoa". Bryan states she is a beast and Trent notes that it looks like something that would come down from the hills and eat the horses. Paul tells to delete his profile and heads out to a Korean mixer in Boise.

Bill finds Susan in their room and apologizes. He states that he knows that what just happened with Lauren is bad. Susan wants to know why he is being so easy on her. Bill asks why she is being so hard on her and Susan states she needs to learn a lesson. Susan states that they are running out of time before she goes off to college. Bill states that is why he does not want to spend the little time they have left fighting. They realize that they are both overacting/under-reacting because she is leaving. They agree to compromise and give her two weeks. Bill wants Susan to tell her and Susan tells him he needs to do it. They call Lauren in and she gets upset. Lauren asks dad if 'she" got to him again and he states no, they agree that she lied to them and this is fair. Lauren slams the door and walks out. She then comes back in and tries to reason, and Bill tells her that he is not changing his mind. She gets mad again and slams the door. Bill tells Susan how hard it was to do that and she comes back in, with a sweet little face and drawl, "Daddy" and Bill tells her she is grounded. Lauren again slams the door and Susan tells him, when she goes to college and start remembering all those nice daughter daddy moments, remember this one too. There is a knock on the door and Bill yells still grounded only Trent opens the door. Trent asks how they knew; it was only a small dent. Bill looks at Susan and tells her to handle this one; he is going to get ice cream.