Robert "Granddad" Freeman
Huey and Riley Freeman
Ed Wuncler III
Goof: When Riley says "What's the emergency" for the first time, his mouth doesn't move.
Goof: The location of the clock in the interrogation room, changes between shots. Sometimes it's in the middle of the wall, and sometimes it's on the far left. Also the second hand is there in the long shots, but on the close up, it's gone
Jazmine: Terrorists kidnapped my daddy!!!
Sarah: Tom, did you erase my mp3's?
Tom: Sarah, file sharing is a crime, and I'm not gonna get anally raped just so you can listen to Usher!
(Tom's dream about him dropping the soap)
Prison Man: The soap's dropped, nigga! You think you're just gonna leave it down?
Tom: (nervously) No…
Prison Man: Huh? You don't waste no motherfuckin' soap in here!
Tom: I--I--I'm finished...
Prison Man: Naw, naw, nigga! You ain't finished! I've been watching you!
Tom: You have?!
Prison Man: You didn't wash behind your ears or nothin!
Tom: But I did!
Prison Man: Look at me! See how I'm all clean, all glistening and shit! That's hygiene, nigga! You can call me "The Health Inspector!" NOW PICK UP THE SOAP!
Rummi: Ain't nobody seen nothing.
Huey: I know who did the killing. I've known it for 20 minutes. The guy's name is Tyrell Jackson and he's been bragging about it all day. Everybody knows. I got map guide directions right here. (shows them a paper with directions to suspect's house)
Wuncler III: How'd you find all this out?
Huey: WE TALKED TO PEOPLE.
Huey: Who is this?
Tom: HUEY, I got ARRESTED! They say I fit the description. I think it's cause I'm black, Huey! You have to get me out of here, Huey. You don't wanna know what they'll do to me in jail!
Huey: They'll rape you. That's what they're gonna do. But you're not in jail, you're in holding. And I don't think people usually get raped in holding. Hold on. Granddad, do people get raped in holding?
Tom: Stop! Stop! Stop! I don't want your Granddad to know! I don't want anybody to know! Listen, they can't keep people in holding over the weekend. At 9 o' clock tonight, they're gonna put me on a bus and send me to real jail. REAL JAIL! Earliest I could get out would be on Monday!
Huey: Well, it's just the weekend.
Tom: It only takes one night to get anally raped!
Teenage Tom: Hey, guys, what are you doing?
Teenage Boy: Just smoking a joint! You wanna hit?
Teenage Tom: Yeah, right! You guys can go to jail and get anally raped if you want!
Huey: (narrating) Tom Dubois' greatest fear was being sent to prison and anally raped. At the tender age of ten, Tom saw a prison movie which depicted the violent anal raping of a man. Before then, he didn't know that men got raped in prison. It is true that statistically speaking, if a man is to be raped, it'll most likely occur in prison. That fact scared straight-laced Tom even straighter.
Boy: (at a candy store) Let's steal some.
Young Tom: But what if we get caught? We'll get arrested, and anally raped!
Wuncler III: I was looking for bitches, but they had all that carpet s**t on, so I couldn't see what they look like. All that was really exposed was they eyes and you know, that wasn't enough for me. Cause you know, s**t, I might be looking at they eyes. They eyes may be pretty...and then I take that carpet off. And then I got a tragedy.
Riley: (answers the phone) Hello?
Tom: (frantic) Riley. Is that you? Put your brother on, it's an emergency.
Riley: What's the emergency?
Tom: I'm in jail.
(slight pause, Riley starts to laugh)
Riley: Don't drop the soap. (hangs up)
Riley: (answers the phone again) Yeah!
Tom: RILEY. It's Tom.
Riley: I thought you only get one phone call from jail.
Gin Rummi: Hey, officer. Whatever your name is.
Police Officer: My name's Frank.
Gin Rummi: Okay, Fred, whatever. Look, I just want you to know, you are not going to die...(Slight Pause) in vain.
Police Officer: I don't think I'm dying.
Gin Rummi: Okay then. You were not mortally wounded in vain.
Tom: Huey, the only way for me to get out of here is if you find to the real killer tonight
Huey: The real killer!? Nigga, I'm 10!
Huey: Well, this is the apartment building where it all happened. Maybe someone saw something.
Ed III: Oh, somebody saw somethin' alright. (pumps shotgun)
Huey: Hey, slow down - we gotta be tactful.
Ed III: Tactful? What that mean?
Gin Rummi: He talkin' about diplomacy. (cocks handgun) I don't DO diplomacy.
(Huey is watching the TV)
White House Spokesman: And so, we're raising the Terror Alert Level to intense Orange-Red. Based on incredibly detailed information on a non-specific threat. Could it be a hi-jacking? Absolutely possible. Chemical or biological agent? You bet it could happen. Suicide bomber? Hey, ya never know. But what we do know is that it's absolutely, positively gonna happen today, maybe.
Sarah: Tom, did you erase all my MP3s?
Tom: HEY! File sharing is a crime and I'm not going to be anally raped just so you can listen to Usher!
Huey: They'll rape you that's what their gonna do.
Rummy: Where did you get a picture?
Riley: We got it from a witness while you two was beatin' nigga's asses. I almost had time to color it!
Rummy: Well no we ain't find none. But I always say the absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence.
Rummy: Simply because you don't have evidence that something does exist does not mean you have evidence of something that doesn't exist.
Rummy: What country are you from?
Rummy: What ain't no country I ever heard of. They speak english in what?
Rummy: English mother f***er! Do you speak it?
Rummy: So you understand the words I'm saying to you!
Rummy: Well what I'm saying is that there are known knowns and there are known unknowns. But there are also unknown unknowns things that we don't know,we don't know.
Rummy: Say what again! Say what again, mother f***er! I dare you! I double dare you! Say what one more time!
Riley: So y'all was in Iraq together?
Rummy: Yeah, we was in Iraq.
Riley: What'd you do?
Rummy: We was lookin' for weapons o' mass destruction.
Riley: Did you ever find em?
Rummy: YOU KNOW GODDAMN WELL WE AIN'T FIND EM!! What are you, some kinda POLITICAL HUMORIST?! You GARY TRUDEAU up in dis bitch?!?!
Jazmine: Where is he? Was he kidnapped by terrorists?
Huey: Your dad wants you to know he's nobody's bitch.
Rummy: I didn't think they'd actually shoot back at us!
In 2003, Donald Rumsfeld predicted that the Iraqis would welcome the Americans as liberators.
Rummy: The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Rummy: There are known knowns, and there are known unknowns, but there are unknown unknowns. Things that we don't know that we don't know.
Both of these are based on quotes from US Secretary of Defense Donald H. Rumsfeld, talking about the Iraq invasion and their "evidence" for WMDs. The first is a direct quote from an August 5, 2003 press briefing. The second paraphrases this statement from a February 12, 2002 Department of Defense news briefing, "There are known knowns. There are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns; that is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns. There are things we do not know we don't know."
Rummy: Say what again! Say what again, mother fucker! I dare you! I double dare you!
The scene that includes the above quotation is a tribute to Samuel L. Jackson's character, Jules Winnfield, in Pulp Fiction. Gin Rummy's character frequently paraphrases or directly quotes Jules Winnfield because the person who voices Gin Rummy is Samuel L. Jackson.
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