Robert "Granddad" Freeman
Huey and Riley Freeman
Trivia: This episode uses the word "nigga" 65 times.
Grandad: Wait, you're blind?
Stinkmeaner: Yes, blind! You got a problem with that nigga?
Huey: You could have killed somebody!
Stinkmeaner: Aw, I'd be doing them a favor. Getting run over by me is as close to an honorable death as most of these people gonna get! Someday, I'm quite the humanitarian. I think I hit a wheelchair on the way over here.
Blind Nigga Samurai/Stinkmeaner: What's good, nigga? What's really good?!
Huey: (narrating) Every nigga moment begins, with the nigga. Without that key element, all you have is peace and quiet.
Uncle Ruckus: (to Huey) Ah, between me and you, your grand-daddy shouldn't be too worried. Everybody knows niggas can't fight.
Huey: (offended) I'm sorry?
Uncle Ruckus: You heard me, nigga, niggas can't fight. They don't possess the strength of character or the mental quickness to be a great fighter. That's why all the best fighters in the world have always been a white man. Jack Demson, Rocky Machiano, Sylvester Stallone. And don't forget Ralph Machino. Name me one great, black, heavyweight fighter. Go ahead, I dare you, name one. See there ya can't do it. Oh what what what? Oh oh oh. You gonna pull Ali out yo' ass? That wha' you thinkin' 'bout? Mohammed Ali? Well if that nigga so tough, then why he didn't go to Vietnam? I'll tell you why. Cause he was scared, that's why. Shoot. No Vietnamese ever called me a nigga. I called him a nigga eight times before I ate breakfast, now what he gon do? Wait, I'll make it nine. NIGGA!!!
Riley: (showing the chair brawl scene to Huey) 'Ey. You ever noticed whenever someone throws a chair… a brawl shoots off?
Huey: Aren't you worried about Granddad?
Riley: Look. You wanna see it again? (shows chair brawl scene again) 'Ey look. Look. Look-looky look, see? I bet you don't even have to hit nobody with the chair. And niggas would still start wilding out.
Nigga: Hey, where you goin! This is a perfect situation to throw your life away!
Stinkmeaner: Who in the hell parked in my space? That's like callin', 1-800-Collect an ass whoppin', and no, that ain't no toll-free call, partna.
Granddad: You hit my car. Are you blind?
Stinkmeaner: Yes… I… am. So?
Granddad: Wait. You're blind?
Stinkmeaner: Yes. BLIND. You got a problem with dat, nigga?
Uncle Ruckus: (on Granddad's answering machine) Hello, Robert, pick up the phone. Pick up the phone, I know you in there hidin'. I saw you on the news gettin' your black ass whooped by that blind, old monkey. That's what they shouldn't let niggas go shoppin'. Call me back. (Granddad walks away from the answering machine) Don't you walk away from this answerin' machine.
Stinkmeiner: Bitch-ass, ragged-ass, punk-ass, p*ssy-ass, bitch-ass, Niggaa! You wanna do something, bitch, ass, nyukka?!
Granddad: Awww look what you did to Dorothy. You better have insurance --
Stinkmeiner: Nigga YOU better have insurance: ASS-whoopin' insurance! And you about to pay a deductible!
Huey Freeman: And just like that, my Granddad was trapped in a "nigga moment". Right now he can (a) walk away and let insurance handle the damage done to the car, or (b) fight with a dumb, crazy, blind nigga. Let's see which one he chooses…
Nigga #1: Watch where you walking, nigga.
Nigga #2: Hey what did you say, nigga?
(While pointing guns at one another):
Nigga #1: What did you say, bitch nigga?
Nigga #2: HEY squeeze it, nigga.
(Granddad is viciously beating Stinkmeaner in a fight. With his fist inches from Stinkmeaner's nose, the scene pauses)
Huey: You know, we could all be reading a book right now.
(The fight resumes)
Huey: Watch closely, you are about to experience "a nigga moment"! Webster defines the nigga moment as a moment when ignorance overwhelms the mind of an otherwise logical Negro male! Causing him to act in an illogical, self-destructive manner… i.e. like a nigga!
("Eye of the Tiger" is playing on the radio and Granddad shuts it off)
Granddad: I hate this damn song.
Riley: I can't believe you got your ass whupped by a blind man, Granddad!
Granddad: My knee went out! You know I got a bad knee!
Riley: Bad knee?! That nigga had bad eyes! He couldn't see, he beat you like a piñata!
Riley: Heh heh. Yo, we could rent Granddad for Mexican birthday parties! We could call him "Señor Piñata"! Ha ha ha! Hola, Señor Piñata!
Granddad: Stop it, boy - STOP IT! Where's my belt?!
Huey: (narrating) That night I dreamt of a blind swordsman. He knows my every move yet he can not see. As my mind fights to make sense of the impossible, he's turn my sight into a liability. He has no just cause to win the night. There is no forethought, no logic in his actions. This isn't any swordsman. This is the blind nigger samurai. (the swordsman suddenly has Stinkmeaner's face)
Stinkmeaner: What's good nigga! What's good!
Uncle Rukus: I told you a nigger that black couldn't fight.
Newcaster: There has been a case of the blind beating the dumb. Mall security camera's caught this earlier.
Huey: Its just local news.
"CNN" Newscaster: CNN has now confirmed that it was this gentlemen, Robert Freeman, who was beat up earlier today by a blind man following a parking dispute. The police aren't pressing charges against Mr. Freeman. They say that ass-whoopin' was punishment enough.
Riley: Aww. Hell no granddad lets whoop this nigga's ass right now.
Stinkmeaner: Hold up. (sniffs) I smell new shoes!
(steps on Granddad's new sneakers)
Riley: Ohh not the shoes!
Huey: (narrating) I've said it before, expensive sneakers are like a $150 land mines. Step on one and BOOM! A perfectly rational black man can explode.
caption says, 6 out of 10 nigga moments involve shoes, 50% of them are Nikes
Riley: Damn granddad you didn't have to kill him.
Riley: I can't believe you got your ass whooped by a blind nigga.
Granddad: My knee broke down. You know I got a bad knee.
Granddad: Lord forgive us for taking this man's life.
Riley: Why you "us"? You killed him!
Granddad: Shut yo ass and pray, boy!
Tom: Nobody's gonna call you a "Fruity boy" or "Pansy Pants" if you don't do this.
Riley: I will.
Tom: Right, well, Riley will.
Uncle Ruckus: Everyone knows niggas climb trees not kick 'em.
Granddad: Two weeks.
Riley: Two weeks? All right, a rematch in two weeks! Maybe we can make money off this! "The Slugfest in Woodcrest" yeah!
Huey: Come on, Granddad. Nobody gonna call you a punk.
Riley: I will.
Huey: Well, Riley will.
Granddad: (answering machine) Hello, you have reached Robert Freeman. If you are a cutie pie, please leave a message. If not, then you can just hang up right now. (beep)
Granddad: Listen closely, boys. I'm about to sing the new shoes song, "New Shoes! New Shoes! New Ssshhhooeeesss"! Man, Nike sure made some good shoes.
"Eye of the Tiger" by Survivor
"Guillotinz" by Raekwon
Enter The Dragon:
Huey: What was that, an exhibition? You need emotional content.
Bruce Lee's character says the same thing to a student who is practicing kicking.
Huey's dream was making a reference to an episode of Samurai Champloo, in which Jin fights a man in exactly the same way Huey did in his dream.
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Granddad: I won't fail you – I'm not afraid!
Huey: Oh, you will be. You will be.
Luke says the same thing to Yoda in Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back on Dagobah.
User Score: 755
User Score: 527
User Score: 475
User Score: 242
User Score: 108
User Score: 61
User Score: 53
User Score: 44
User Score: 39
User Score: 28
User Score: 27
User Score: 25
User Score: 24
User Score: 21
User Score: 21
User Score: 19
User Score: 19
User Score: 18
User Score: 17
User Score: 16