The Catherine Tate Show

Season 3 Episode 5

Series 3, Episode 5

Aired Unknown Nov 23, 2006 on BBC Two
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Series 3, Episode 5
Nan appears on Paul O'Grady's teatime show and broadcasts her horrible views to the nation. The Aga Saga women takes a wrong turn into "Tottenham" and Lauren refuses to speak French for an oral exam.

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  • When I watch this show, I always laugh! This episode was no exception.

    I loved this episode so much that I felt that I had to even get the Lauren script correct. SO I spent an hour listening over and over to her articulate in french "suis-je bovvered?". Couldnt stop laughing!

    SO for those of you who needed it here is the full script from Lauren's french exam...

    TEACHER: oui Lauren il fauct a vous parlez en francais?

    LAUREN: Is it?

    TEACHER: Lauren its a french oral exam you have to try to speak in french

    LAUREN: Whatever

    TEACHER: Lauren s'il vous plait quel age avez vous?

    LAUREN: I dont know aks me in english

    TEACHER: Lauren its a french oral test

    LAUREN: but i aint a french oral

    TEACHER: what?

    LAUREN: im an english oral, so if you want to aks me a question aks me in english

    TEACHER: Lauren french is an important language

    LAUREN: not for me it aint

    TEACHER: It can teach you alot about your own language

    LAUREN: no it cant

    TEACHER: Lauren you have to try to make an effort

    LAUREN: no i dont

    TEACHER: its a beautiful language

    LAUREN: miss have you got 'airy armpits?

    TEACHER: i beg your pardon

    LAUREN: are you scared of razors?

    TEACHER: no im not

    LAUREN: are they expensive in french land?

    TEACHER: no they're not

    LAUREN: so why dont you buy one then?

    TEACHER: how dare you

    LAUREN: miss were you in allo allo?

    TEACHER: no

    LAUREN: miss say good moning

    TEACHER: no no

    LAUREN: go on just just say good moning

    TEACHER: no

    LAUREN: go on say good moning

    TEACHER: no im not going to say that

    LAUREN: please miss just say good moning, just say good moning

    TEACHER: good moning

    LAUREN: you were in allo allo miss!

    TEACHER: right Lauren thats enough im not going to stand here and listen to this kind of xenephobic abuse from a stupid girl who is to ignorant to even learn the language let alone understand the people, I will fail you for this test which means you will get an F for the entire module

    LAUREN: suis-je bovvered?

    TEACHER: what

    LAUREN: suis-je bovvered though?

    TEACHER: Lauren

    LAUREN: regardez mon visage

    TEACHER: comment? LAUREN: regardez mon visage

    TEACHER: Lauren

    LAUREN: regardez mon visage

    LAUREN: est-ce que mon visage bovvered?

    TEACHER: non mais

    LAUREN: non parce que je ne suis pas bovvered!

    TEACHER: Lauren your behaviour its absolutley appauling do you behave like this at home?

    LAUREN: est-ce vous disrespectez ma famille?

    TEACHER: what!

    LAUREN: est-ce que vous appelez ma mere une pikey?

    TEACHER: what!

    LAUREN: est-ce que vous appelez mon pere un gypo?

    TEACHER: what you

    LAUREN: regardez, visage, regardez, est-ce que mon visage bovvered, je suis pas bovvered, regardez mon visage, je suis pas bovvered, pas bovvered, pas bovvered, Theirry Henry, je pas bovvered, pas bovvered, pas bovvered, regardez mon visage, frere jacques frere jacques, je pas bovvered, je pas bovvered, un kilo de pommes un kilo de pommes, je pas bovvered, ou est lesant de cantanichiatives, je pas bovvered, je pas bovvered, allo allo rene rene rene, regardez mon visage, suis pas bovvered, I AINT BOVVERED!

    TEACHER: Im proud to call myself french, our nation has produced some of the finest examples of culture and enlightenment in European history, our philosophers, our filmmakers, our artists have made a profound contribution to modern civilisation. And you young lady, if you bothered to pay the slightest attention in my lessons might benefit also...

    LAUREN: Have you been eating garlic!?

    Hopefully this will give people everywhere a laugh when they need it.moreless
  • Nan Goes On The Paul O'Grady Show And Casts Her Opinion To The World, The Aga Saga Woman Takes A Wrong Turn Into 'Tottenham' And Lauren Refuses To Speak French For A Oral Exam.moreless

    Nan Goes On The Paul O'Grady Show And Broadcasts Her Views To The Entire Nation.

    The Aga Saga Woman Takes A Wrong Turn & Ends Up In 'Tottenham'.

    Lauren Refuses Point Blank To Speak French For A Oral Exam, Her Cries Of " Suis Je Bovvered?" And " Regarde Mon Visage Regarde Mon Visage" & "RENE RENE!" Are Just The Funniest Things I've Heard In A Long Time.

    At The End, Lauren Says: "Have You Been Eating Garlic?", This Line Just CRACKS Me Up Soo Much!!

    Catherine Tate As 'Lauren' Is Just Amazing! It Really Portrays What A Modern Day Teenager Would Be Like.

    Hilarious! :)moreless
Paul O'Grady

Paul O'Grady


Guest Star

Melanie Hudson

Melanie Hudson

French teacher

Guest Star

Neil Stuke

Neil Stuke


Guest Star

Jonathan McGuinness

Jonathan McGuinness


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

    • Goof: At end of the Nan Taylor sequence you can see one of the cameramen laugh. The entire sequence was improvised and so the cameramen weren't prepared for what was about to happen.

  • QUOTES (2)

    • Teacher: Lauren, it's a French oral test.
      Lauren: But I ain't a French oral!

    • (Lauren in a French exam)
      Lauren: Suis Je Bovvered?
      Teacher: What?
      Lauren: Suis Je Bovvered Though? Regarde Mon Visage, Regardez Mon Visage, Regardez Mon Visage. Est-que mon visage bovvered?
      Teacher: Non, mais--
      Lauren: Non, parce-que je ne suis pas bovvered.
      Teacher: Lauren, your behaviour, it's absolutely appalling. Do you act like this at home?
      Lauren: Est-que vous disrespectez ma famille?
      Teacher: Quoi?
      Lauren: Est-que vous appelez ma mère une pikey?
      Teacher: Non.
      Lauren: Est-que vous appelez mon père un gyppo?
      Teacher: Pas de tout!
      Lauren: Regardez visage. Regardez, est-que mon visage bovvered? Je suis pas bovvered. Pas bovvered. Pas bovvered. Thierry Henry. Pas bovvered. Pas bovvered. Pas bovvered. Frera Jacques. Frera Jacques. Un kilo de pommes. Un kilo de pommes. Je suis pas bovvered. Où est le syndicat d'initiative? Je suis pas bovvered, Je suis pas bovvered. 'Allo, 'Allo. (screaming) René, René, René!
      Regardez mon visage.
      (screaming) I ain't bovvered!

  • NOTES (4)

    • Original International Air Dates:
      Czech Republic: February 17, 2010 on HBO Comedy

    • The Nan Taylor sequence was filmed on the set of the real Paul O'Grady Show, using its audience once the regular show had finished. The producers of The Catherine Tate Show were slightly worried that the middle-aged audience might react badly to Nan Taylor's swearing. They needn't have worried; the audience could appreciate the jokes.

    • Vern who never really speaks has a speaking part for the first ever time, saying "Shut up" to Irene.

    • First appearance of Snack Food Woman.


    • Vernon: Can I pay you tomorrow?
      Irene: You are so like Lord Lucan.

      Richard Bingham, 7th Earl of Lucan, disappeared in 1974 after his children's nanny was found murdered. Officially declared dead in 1999, he was often (mistakenly) sighted all over the world.