The Chaser's War on Everything

Season 1 Episode 2

Episode 2

Aired Wednesday 9:00 PM Feb 24, 2006 on ABC1
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Episode Summary

Episode 2
1: Winter Olympics Chris and Craig congratulate Australia's most successful Winter Olympics teams, reporting on an impressive medal tally. 2: Promoting Today on Sunrise Chas reveals why the Today show performs so badly in morning talk show ratings, and how he improves their ratings. 3: Saddam Hussein Trial "I may be a monster... but I'd never stoop so low as to get involved with those two." 4: Surprise Spruiker - AWB Andrew's public relation service, the Surprise Spruiker, cures the AWB's image problem. 5: Beazley Biggest Loser Follow one man's quest to loose 25 kilograms, and 3 federal elections. 6: Famous Faceoff - Newsreaders Jucinta Timann and Richard Morecroft go head-to-head with some tounge twisting headlines to find Australia's best newsreader. 7: Bonehead Challenge Jules see how many minutes it takes before some bonehead ruins their news cross. 8: Firth in the USA - Guns Charles Firth hits a Texan gun show to find out why American's love guns so much. 9: Current Affairs - Experts Lesson 2: How to spot an expert, and how easy is it to look like an expert? 10: Mr Ten Questions - Charlize Theron Mr Ten Questions meets Charlize Theron. 11: In Other News Bill Clinton visits Australia, AWB transport costs, Big Bird Flu, Ian Thorpe catches a virus, Ben Cousins caught drink driving, and a very good news story. 12: Tropfest Entry Chris has trouble using the signature item in his Tropfest entry.moreless

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (3)

      • Goof: Mr. Ten Questions only asks 9 questions to Charlize Theron, accidently forgetting to ask the 8th question!

      • Opening Title Targets
        The Olsen Twins
        Special Guest Scientologist: Tom Cruise

      • The man helping Chas hold up the TV playing Today outside the window of Sunrise is Tony Walters. Tony is probably best known as playing a character known as Womp on the ABC comedy series Double the Fist. On Double the Fist Tony starred alongside Doug Bayne, who does the graphics and credits on The Chaser's War on Everything (and also did the same on Double the Fist).

    • QUOTES (12)

      • Chas: When it comes to current affairs shows, you might be wondering how they set their journalistic standards.
        (Cut to clip from Today Tonight)
        Naomi Robson: Well, there are a lot of people who are saying they went out the window a long time ago.

      • Craig: To sport, and swimming superstar Ian Thorpe is in doubt for the Commonwealth Games after being laid low with a serious virus. Australian coaches have now put Craig Stevens on stand-by, hoping he can step in at the last minute and take Thorpe's virus.
        Julian Yeah, fair enough. And, of course, in AFL, Ben Cousins has been in a lot of trouble. Forced to step down as Captain of the West Coast Eagles after a very humiliating drink-driving accident. Cousins says he's learnt from the mistake, and from now on he'll always get Wendell Sailor to drive. So that should work.

      • Julian: Also this week, the Asian bird flu has spread to Europe and it's been spotted in a farm in France. That virus has now killed more birds than Dick Cheney.
        Craig: One, yeah.
        Julian: Yeah, just the one.
        Craig: Scientists are also concerned that the disease might be mutating after confirming the first reported case of Big Bird flu.
        [Still shot of Big Bird with a thermometer in his mouth.

      • Craig: The government will no longer be sending the AWB to Iraq as part of the crisis wheat mission. The Prime Minister says the decision has nothing to do with the recent scandals, he just couldn't afford the AWB transport costs.

      • Julian: And in other news this week, former President Bill Clinton is in Australia, and he's hoping to meet some top-level officials, politicians, businessmen and, of course, all 26 of the models from "Deal or No Deal". Now, amid security fears, of course, Mr. Clinton's asked for some extra protection on the visit, so a further thousand condoms have been shipped in especially for the visit.

      • Julian: Kim Beazley and David Hicks - who do you think would make a better Prime Minster?
        Man: I'd definitely go David Hicks there.
        Julian: Why is that?
        Man: Well, I mean, he's at least stood up to the Howard Government on one occasion, and John Howard seems to be genuinely afraid of him - not letting him back into the country - in a way he's never been genuinely afraid of Kim.

      • Andrew: [Spruiking outside the Australian Wheat Board] That's right, shoppers, come on in to the Australian Wheat Board! Dubious, dubious, dubious, contacts! They fell off the back of some Jordanian truck and now we've got 'em! But don't bring cash, we only use blood money! We fund guns, we fund grenades, we'll even fund moustaches for your body double! No bribe under $300 million! It's a massive "under the table" bribery bonanza! Tell your friends, tell your family, just don't tell the Australian Government! We don't stop at Saddam. Oh, no, we'll do Pinochet, Kim Jong-il, Genghis Khan, Pol Pot - we do the lot! It's an evil dictator fire sale! There's no tyrant we won't slip a brown paper bag to.
        [Speaker dragged off by security]

      • Saddam Hussein: Subtitled You've got no right to judge me. This court has no authority. I want to be tried by Judge Judy instead. What's more, my cell conditions are appalling. They keep forcing me to watch Bert's Family Feud. But I don't have a widescreen TV, so I can't see all of Bert's head.
        Judge: I've got the same problem. It's very frustrating.
        Saddam Hussein: And another thing - I'm fed up with all this AWB nonsense.
        Judge: Did you do a deal?
        Saddam Hussein: Yes, I did the deal. But Howard and Downer knew nothing about it. I may be a monster, but I'd never stoop so low as to get involved with those two.

      • Chris: We've got a huge show for you tonight. Pamela Anderson, the Olsen twins and the Veronicas are all guests we were happy to let Rove have instead.
        Craig: So the only person we've got left is Chas Licciardello!

      • Craig: And finally in the good news story at the end, Tony Abbott was punched this week during a visit...[audience breaks out in applause]...during a visit to a psychiatric facility. The psychiatric patient has since been released after his actions proved he was totally sane.

      • [Charles is learning to fire a gun in an American indoor firing range]
        Charles: A quick lesson from Keith, and it was my turn for the sweet taste of American freedom, [firing at a Bin Laden target] giving Osama Bin Laden the Dick Cheney treatment. This is Charles Firth reporting from the safest country in the world.

      • [Random people are being surveyed as to whom they'd prefer as Prime Minister: Kim Beazley or another option. In this case, a steaming turd.]
        Man: Aw, I think I'd actually go with the turd, there.
        Julian: Really?
        Man: Yeh.
        Julian: Why's that?
        Man: Well, I dunno, just, at least you know where it's coming from.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (0)